Friday, October 17, 2008

I Love the Ghosts In My Home

Oh how I love the Ghosts in my home. They don't show themselves often, but when they do, my heart stops, I take a quick breath, and my eyes tear up for only a moment as the little Ghosts I am surrounded by flit in and out of view.

I saw one today, as my son studied his toy train, in the way he tilted his head, lowered his lashes and studied his toy. A Ghost from his infanthood flashed across his face, and my heart swelled up, thinking of how, not so long ago, that beautiful look was one I saw everyday. And then it dashed away, as he glanced up at me I saw, instead of that lovely infant face, the beautiful, mischievous face of my son.

As the days number, and my sons grow older, I see more and more Ghosts. Little baby ballet hand gestures that have all but faded away, come out every so often to visit me. Sometimes I see a little laugh that reminds me of those first baby smiles, before it fades into the bigger and louder laughing fits of older children. Little tumbling waddles sneak out every so often to visit, before bursting into the full on runs my son now loves.

Yes, I am surrounded by many Ghosts. Some are Ghosts of the past, that spring into view every so often, through a look, a sigh, a snore and some are Ghosts of the future, breaking into my present world.

Those future Ghosts I am glad and sad to see, because they mean I will only have more Ghosts of the past to visit me, and some past Ghosts might start to fade completely from my view, as my sons travel further and further to their exciting futures and adulthood.

I am so joyful to see my sons accomplish new things, reach new goals, exclaim proudly, "I DID IT!!!" To meet their futures as strong, confident men, loving husbands, adoring fathers-I enjoy all these days leading to those events in their lives.

But I know, that even when they are fathers of their own, there will be Ghosts haunting me, bringing me back to the past. A look, a sigh, a laugh, somewhere at some point, the little Ghost I know so well will pop out, and I will recognize my sweet infant in the face of a strong man.

My heart will stop, I'll take a deep breath, and I'll want to cry because I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many Ghosts.

Submitted to Scribbit's October Write-Away Contest.


Scribbit said...

Oh how lovely--I know exactly what you mean!

Caitlin said...


Thats adorable. I love hearing about your boys. I really do. :)

And I love you, for your comment on my blog. And you raise a wonderful point that I neglected to mention, which is adoption. And I think its a wonderful and amazing option. I think you are correct in that there are tons of families who would love the opportunity to adopt a little baby of their own. And I do agree, it shouldn't be a choice between keeping it or aborting it as the only two options. And I agree with you completely that getting pregnant is a risk you take on when you decide to have sex, and that you shouldn't take that risk unless you are willing to accept the consequences.

However, I have also seen times where women so desparetly do not want this child, where carrying this baby is so tramatic for them, that they have attempted to take their own lives to escape. I'm sure you'll agree that being pregnant is not all fun and roses, and that its really hard on you emotionally, mentally, and physically. And I know that there are women who cannot handle those challenges, even though I do think they should own up to the choice they made. Unless its rape we're talking about, which is another issue on its own.

My main point was to explain that I think every woman should have the ability to choose what she wants to keep it, to give it up, or to abort it. I don't have all the answers. But I think that every woman should be able to make the choice that fits her best, even if I don't agree with it. And you're also right...I'm sure when its mine it will be harder to compare it to a parasite :)

Adventures In Babywearing said...