Coming Back To Blogging

I'm coming back to blogging. It has been quite a bit of time since my last post, and while it still hurts to realize adoption from India just wasn't in the stars for us, it has been exciting to see where our journey took us.

I have made so many friends in the adoption "world" and love every one of them so much. We also became sponsors for three little girls in India! I don't have any photos in a format I can add to the blog at the moment, but I'll get some going. The oldest I'll call Grace ,and she is 9, then there is Princess, who we now partially sponsor again since we are no longer adopting her and she is now 5 (CRAZY), and then I'll call the youngest Faith, who is 2.

I have their photos in the hallway of our home, and the boys have been helping lead prayers for them. We have permission to write N letters, so I will be having the boys do that. I'm very excited to watch our girls grow and see how the little extra we have can change their lives. It is exciting and humbling.

We moved! We had long talked about wishing for this and that and this and that at our old house, but for the 3 years of adoption limbo, we couldn't move, and then when we decided to step away, it suddenly hit us that we could, indeed move and that suddenly we had extra funds now that we no longer had to save every penny for adoption legal fees.

We are loving our new home. We are in a much bigger home with all the features (like extra bathrooms! and a garage!) that we had been wishing for in our old home. We are also on a cul-de-sac at the back of a neighborhood, so we have no traffic ever and there are 7 or 8 boys all my boys ages that live right on our street. Needless to say, it is AWESOME and has been such a great change for us.

Our old house we turned into an investment home and now rent to a sweet young family. We are doing well with that investment,and are quite pleased to realize our second rental home is creating a little pocket of income for us, too!

JR is playing the cello and Little Dude is playing piano. It is wonderful to hear and I love it so so SO much. They are enjoying it a lot too, and that makes my heart so super happy. I hope I can get Champ to also to play music in a few years. I would love for them all to be able to read and enjoy music, even if they don't stick with it in any serious way.

In fun news, I found out I'll be an Aunt soon, and I am thrilled at the thought of a little baby to hold. He or she will be here in October, so I CAN NOT WAIT!

In other fun news, we are officially trying to have another baby and I have to admit, it is super fun to be off birth control and just wait to see what is planned. We will see!

So, for now, that is all the update I can do, but I will be back soon.

Christmas Is Here

It is Christmas time once again! The older I get, the more I realize just how short a year is. I love this time of year, and even through the stress of what we "need" to get done, there are always special moments to realize and reflect on what is really important.

Like getting out cards and wrapping gifts and figuring out who to visit when and for how long OMG and hating the post office....none of that matters at all.

What matters if focusing on WHY we celebrate. Beyond even Christianity, Saving, and what not, we celebrate because it is a lesson in giving.

To give is far grater than to receive. To be selfless and do for others. Especially in the tradition of St. Nick. He carried on the message of Christ, by picking Jesus' birthday to give HIM the most special gift-all of US giving to others.

Selflessly, anonymously, and without any gratification or recognition. We should give to others the thing they most need. A toy, a Bed, A friend.

We talk to the boys about Santa, and celebrate that tradition, but we call him St. Nick, after the real man that lived in Greece and is the source of all things Santa we see now.

We talk about how St. Nick is giving Jesus the most special gift ever, by getting all of us into the spirit of giving and helping.

This year, the boys are completely stoked to get legos-and Little Dude very much had me stressing because he kept changing his mind about which set he wanted. But. One huge Star Wars plane is picked and will be under the tree. JR has been focused on the same Batman Lego set since before LAST Christmas, so, this year, he will get it. Champ is getting a Thomas train roundhouse. I spent too much on it, but I'm so excited for him to have it.

Princess will be getting a doll from the Disney Store from the "It's a Small World" collection. Of course, the doll is a little Indian Princess that sings in English and Hindi. I love it and hope we can give it to her someday.

And, in the meantime, since we can't give her our gifts, we sent a lot of gifts to the orphanage in general, because otherwise, the children don't get things. We sent clothes and undies and socks-things they needed very much-as well as fun things, as you can see in the video below.

I love how excited all the girls are. Our little Princess is in there too, see if you can spy her in her cute flowered dress.

This is what Christmas is about. Those kids will never know who sent all these toys to them, but they will so much love the fun they have together playing, and knowing that is all the gift and importance I need to focus on this Christmas. The long line at the post office doesn't matter in the least, when at the end this is what you get:



Merry Christmas!

This Time

There are no adoption updates at all-and actually my last email of questions went unanswered from our agency, so I'm guessing they have zero to share either and are just putting off responding until they have some kind of carrot to offer us.

But, it is OK and I am fine with it.

To be honest, now that I have gotten past the whole panic of "OMG we missed another birthday, why can't we go get her, what is she learning, is she being cared for, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY GIRL" I am actually enjoying this wait.

There is no stress, so far no paperwork to worry about (now that I've said that I've jinxed myself) and I keep reminding myself. that I need to enjoy every second of our family of 5 while we have it-enjoy the "normal" we have, the simple taken for granted level of ability our kids are at-and how healthy they are, and how we have no issues needing therapy or medicine or anything to worry about.

They don't have flashbacks of fear or people questioning if they are my kids.

And those are all things we will have to deal with once our Princess gets here. And those aren't bad things-they are just what they are-and who even knows what it will be like when we get her home. All I know is that I'll have an almost 4 year old that can't speak English, who doesn't look like us-and who people will feel they must ask about, and who's history and experiences are un-shared by us.

It's going to be hard, ya'll, to get to our new "normal". And while I am so eager to get her home, I'm also taking the time to breathe, and focus on the kids now, and the moments we have now.

And just soak in how blessed Bill and I are, no matter what else might happen.

We are just so blessed.

PS. The Disney Store has "It's A Small World" Dolls out now, and I may have bought the India doll to put under the Christmas tree this year for our girl. :) I hadn't realized it til now, but we have gotten a gift for every year she missed with us; that will be pretty fun when she gets home to celebrate each year she missed with her lovely India themed dolls I've collected for her.

Parenting

Hanging with friends at the bluegrass festival 2013

It is funny to realize now, how much time I used to spend blogging, building my SEO and promoting myself as a "mom blogger expert". I got free stuff to review and even got invited to blog conferences, and had a pretty nice traffic flow, all because I told people what my take on parenting was.

And, looking back, I realize how absolutely ridiculous it was, and is, to obsessively hang on every word some "expert" says about parenting.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, we all come from different situations, different kids, different experiences, different battles to face, and different futures. And as I have aged in this whole parenting thing, I have realized that often, those "expert" opinions and "this is the best thing you can do" stances, don't serve much purpose except to put un-needed pressure on new parents, who already feel antiquate and worry about what is best and if they are doing the right stuff.

Here is the truth I have learned. None of us are perfect, none of us will ever be perfect, and the trend now will not be a trend latter. We are going to mess up, and that is OK. It is OK for our kids to see us fail. It is OK to appologize to them when you lose your temper and realize you went overboard with the yelling. It means a lot to them to see you are not perfect, and takes pressure off them to live up to perfect standards that they are going to all too quickly realize they can't achieve.

Just like us. Take the pressure off. Don't worry about cloth vs. disposable. Don't freak out or feel defensive about breast vs. bottle vs formula. Don't go on parenting forums. There are crazy people out there that will make you feel horrible and like a failure because you don't have your little ankle biter all scheduled in the latest Montisouri school that offers Chinese and Spanish, along with Gymnastics and Chess for three year olds.

What works best for you? What makes you enjoy parenthood the most? What makes you feel more calm in your life? Pick that one.

For me, I did cloth diaper, mostly to save money, and used the same 25 diapers on three babies for the past 7 years almost non stop. When we traveled? Disposable it was. Behind on laundry? Disposable it was.

Breast milk? I did, again to save money, and partly because I knew the antibodies were beneficial to immunity. But you know what? We also did formula just so Bill could also enjoy feeding babies. And when I wanted to drink. And I even pumped and put breast milk in bottles for times when I just didn't want to nurse in public, because that made me more calm. Do what works for you.

Vaccines? I'm still hardcore for vaccines, but don't go on forums to make your choice. Don't listen to Jenny McCarthy. Talk to Drs. Read the online medical journals about Autism and vaccines and make your decision. Is Autism worse than your child catching  a preventable disease and maybe dying from it? Again, your choice, but make an educated one, not because some crazy loud moms shouted it in your face and you jumped on the wagon with them.

Discipline?  I love all of Kevin Leman's books and his reality discipline approach. But you know what? My kids are far from perfect, and I'm far from perfect, so you will probably see me with a tantrum throwing two year old as some point in the grocery store and I'll have no idea what to do, even after three babies, a degree in early childhood, and working in daycare, preschool and nanny settings. But you know what we can always do? Just smile at moms going through the same thing, and give a sympathetic head nod to let them know we have all been there, done that and will do it again.

Make the choices that keep you calm and help you enjoy this wonderful gift of parenting, because just like the last tantrum your toddler had, this season shall pass and be just a memory.

Do what you need to to make it an enjoyable memory. And don't stress about the rest of us.

Where We Are

Our beach vacation with friends,  their kids, toasting life and sitting by the pool. 

School is well under way, and the older two, Little Dude and JR, are now in First grade and Kindergarten! Isn't that crazy how much time has gone by? They are such sweet, BIG little men now. They amazing me daily.

Little Dude is reading up a storm and I'm so proud of him for enjoying it so much. He is loving soccer still and doing well in school and still OBSESSED with Legos. It is fun to watch him build things!

JR is loving that he is in school now too, and insisted on walking in all by himself the first day, just like Little Dude. Man, they grow up more quickly with each one, don't they? Sigh. He is all about learning the alphabet right now and insists on also "reading" a book at night, just like Little Dude. It is cute, since most of the books he reads he already has memorized or he just says what the picture is. Love it. I know soon enough he will be reading and getting yet more big. Sigh again.

Champ is a crazy and wonderful 2 year old. I adore this age so very very much. All the little sayings are just the best. Right now he is into saying "Why, mom, WHY?" for just about everything. And "Bugs eat me" whenever the mosquito get bad in the back yard. I shouldn't laugh at the poor guy getting itchy bites, but his little voice is too cute saying it. I must remember to try to catch him on video.

Our Princess is three now and I'm sad we missed her birthday. Foolishly, I thought we might just have a referral by her birthday and be able to send her something, but no. We are still STILL waiting to see if our agency can get her file. So many changes have occurred with her country's adoption rules, that honestly, I'm not expecting the file to come. We aren't even sure if her file made it through before the government strike that is going on over there right now (can I heave another huge sigh?) or if her file did indeed come through with the first batch back last April, and she has just already been chosen, or our agency just isn't getting the file sent to them. (Agencies can only get so many files at one time, and they cycle through agencies a different periods of time, from what I understand.) So, who knows. She may be out there, she may be adopted, we might still have a shot at getting matched to her, or her paper might still be awaiting a stamp on some government official's desk and it won't be glanced at until this strike is over, at the earliest. We just don't know.

We have considered looking at other kids, but I don't think I could look at another little girl until I know for sure we can't have our girl.

We did look very closely at an 8 year old little boy's file and very much were considering accepting it, but our social worker advised against it due to birth order affecting our older two, and the fact we would need to re-do our home tudy to update for a boy child. We also aren't eligible for a boy unless he is over the age of  7, has more stubstantial special needs, and has been waiting. And even then, it would be still up to the judge of whatever court we got assigned to say if they would over look the gender rule (I don't know what else to call it) that says with three sons already we can't adopt a son.

This little boy DID fit those things, and has been waiting quite awhile, and does need some pretty heavy duty surgery to his back and some other things, so we likely could have gotten matched to him, but, after talking it over, our social worker here at home felt his medical needs, along with needing to learn English and the birth order disruption would be unreasonably hard for our oldest two boys to adjust to all the many changes adding that boy to our family would bring, so we didn't pursue his file.

That was really hard and a bit of a heart tug, because now I can't help but go and check this little guys waiting profile to see if it changes to "adopted". I really hope it does. He had medical needs that would require surgeries and hospital stays from the get go, but all were easy to correct here in the US and none would affect his mental capabilities, and one would make his physical limitations go away AND our agency contact knows him and thought he was just THE SWEETEST KID, would be such a great big brother, and is always looking out for the little kids at his orphanage and wanting to help. Sigh. I hate that there are orphans.

So. We are still waiting, hoping her file comes through after this strike is over. Sometimes I wish I had not see her information so that we were just waiting for a referral and could take the next kid that came along, but then, at the same time, I know that we would have given up already if we hadn't had her, and all the information from so many people that have met her, to keep us going. It is very scary to read all the things that could be "wrong" with an adopted child, especially Reactive Attachment Disorder (Holy hell. That is scary shit) It is covered in a lot of adoption books, but that link seems to be the most informative for someone outside the adoption reading circle wanting to know why that terrifies me when considering "just any child" to bring into our home.

This whole adoption process is just soo sooo soooo long, time consuming, nerve wracking, and a complete lesson in patience. But I know, that I wouldn't have kept pushing through all the paperwork, spending all the money, and doing ALL. THIS. WORK. if we didn't have knowledge of her and have heard her sweet laugh, so even if things don't work out to get her now, she did get us to this point, which might just lead us to a different child that needs a home, and for that I'm very glad we are kinda "stuck" at this place in time. I've been pretty calm about it and actually not thinking about it too terribly much, since it really is all just in God's hands now.

What Bill and I have learned in this waiting? That we are so blessed to have our family, to be so supportive to each other, to watch our children grow, and to realize that our blessings must be paid forward. We live in America, where it is OK that I was a girl. I was never taken to a hill to die just for being the wrong gender. We have a hospital down the street (in fact, quite a few of the countries best are right down the street!) We have running water, air conditioning, tons of food, and our choice of churches.

We are so blessed.

Mothers Day

This Mother's Day was the best ever. It really was just amazing. I woke up to my husband making french toast (and even the huge treat of him having cleaned up ALL the mess from it too! I am married to a gem, folks!)

While Bill finished up breakfast, Little Dude brought me coffee and informed me I had to lay on the couch and read.

Which I did. And it was amazing. Little Dude kept coming up and hugging me and saying:

"Thanks Mom, Happy Mother's Day" ALL DAY. It was amazing hear that tiny voice saying those word, oh my heart swelled with pride and love and gratefulness.

He's going to be a mighty fine husband to a lucky lucky lady someday. 

Then, as though that wasn't already the best day ever, my sweet little redheaded JR came running up to me and my coffee with a handful of clover flowers for me and told me:

"Happy Mother's Day! I love you!" He is just the sweetest, isn't he? And what is even better, is that he picked those flowers the DAY BEFORE while Bill mowed the lawn. He had asked Bill where he could hide them, and Bill had told him to put them in the pantry downstairs. JR was quite convinced I would see them there, and told Bill that wouldn't work. Since Bill didn't see or hear anything else about the flowers, he had assumed that JR had dropped/forgotten/left them outside.

But no. JR, all on his own, had hidden them in the picnic cooler, and went, as soon as he got out of bed, to go get them and hand them to me, all perfectly wilted in the most wonderful way, in a little plastic cup.

Oh my heart. Those were the best flowers I have ever gotten. I kept them on my counter until this morning, when I finally had to give them up for dead. But don't worry, I got plenty of photos of them (though still on my camera, ha!)

He's going to be a mighty fine husband to a lucky lucky lady someday, too. 

And Champ had no idea what was going on, but was super excited to be in on the hugging and was content to follow his brothers around as they got me things (like more coffee! When did Little Dude become a Big Dude?) And blankets (though I have to admit, I started sweating, but couldn't resist the NEXT blanket JR and Champ slowly dragged to the couch for me. They were on a mission all day to fluff me up in the couch.)

And my sweet husband? THE BEST EVER. He cleaned the house, sat with the on the couch and read next to me, and later indulged me on a walk up to the park and around back to the local coffee shop. (I may have a slight addiction to coffee...) We all played at the park, and napped in the hammock, and watched the kids play in our yard and watched the clouds float by. He said:

"I hope this is what Heaven is like". Oh my heart. I am so lucky and blessed to have these four amazing men in my life. I know I say it every year, but this really was the best Mother's Day ever.

A wonderful husband, three healthy amazing loving boys, and one super sweet beautiful girl in Ind*a. I am one crazy blessed and lucky Mom, indeed.

Help From Adoptive Moms Please

I have a request for any moms/dads that have adopted, especially any from Ind*a.

Can you guys leave me comments with what kids books you suggest to have for our sons and our future daughter? Can you suggest any kids fairy tales or nursery rhyme books from Ind*a? Are there any really great adoption kid books to read to our future daughter and son to really help open up the discussions on a small kid level about how awesome adoption is? And most importantly, any book that you love that show characters of color, especially if there are any of Ind*an decent depicted.

I have this list so far for kid books:

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
A Child is Born by Margaret Wise Brown
I Wished For You by Marianne Richmond
Over the Moon by Karen Katz
God Found Us You by Lisa Bergren


And a cookbook I'm looking at ordering:

Anjum's New Indian by Anjum Anand

Does anyone know if this might have good recipes to incorporate into our meal rotations? I've made a pumpkin curry chicken and couscous that the kids and Bill (and I) LOVED. I've made it a few times now, and then I've made a coconut curry chicken from a mix I got at the Ind*a market near our house, but I think it would be better if I found some ones to make from "scrtach" rather than mixes, so we can avoid all that salt (and the mixes are expensive when you have to buy double to feed everyone,ha!)

So, can you ladies help me out? What books do your children love? And are there any that are great illustrations about Ind*a? I would love to find some kind of illuinated book about Ind*a to read to all the kids.

And cooking...if there are ANY kid dishes that you think she will be most familiar with, or that might be comforting (like how I feel when I find some place with sweet iced tea in a northern state) I'd love to have something that I could cook that might give her that same comfort.


AND as a Christmas gift this coming year, we are going to give out "Family of Adoption" to everyone, is there any other books you found to be awesome to give family in preparation to your adoptions?

OK, send me your ideas and reccomendations!

THANK YOU ALL! I don't know what in the world I would do without you; I'm so grateful for blogging and the internet and even facebook. Though, don't say anything on facebook yet, we won't put anything offical on there until we have guardianship and our daughter is legally ours-just private message me if you know me on there. :)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Goodbye 2012

Somehow, the 21st is already here! Thankfully, the end of the world ended up not occurring, haha! Though that does remind me that I need to get back to couponing so I can restock my pantry; I have been trying hard to cut back our budget as much as possible and putting every little bit extra into our adoption fund. So, I guess that can be my new years resolution-hunt down grocery sales! Because, you know, these boys just keep eating and eating and eating.....and making me wish I had their metabolism! It must be all the super hero fighting they do:

In other news, the school year is half over! Crazy! I have to register JR for kindergarten the second week of January; that just blows my mind. Didn't I JUST sign him up for preschool? And he is already writing his letters, starting to read sight words, and becoming just the most wonderful, sweet little man.

The other night he mentioned he wanted to dye his hair blonde like AJ's. It hurt my heart a bit to think he hated his hair, and I don't know if I handled it well or not, but I told him. that if he wanted his hair blonde, that when he got old enough to have it dyed I'd take him to do it-and I told him that I would probably dye my hair his red color, because I think it is such an awesome color like fire. He seemed quite pleased with that. Did I handle that OK? I have no idea, but at least he seemed pretty happy his hair was like fire-and he seemed happy thinking that he could change the color if he wanted. Maybe just knowing he could change it, will make him not as unhappy with the color he has? I know that some people have called him "ginger" and he hates that so much, so I am thinking that might be the source of why he wants to be blonde...but I don't know; next week he may decide red is the most awesome ever.

Little Dude is certainly a little dude now. He just seems so much like a little man these days. He is wise and sweet and so incredibly smart. We hung some ornaments on our Christmas Tree from India, in honor of Princess, and Little Dude asked if she would be scared or sad to leave her friends there and come here. We told him yes, since that is the truth, and explained that we would have to show her that she can trust us and love us, and that we will be her family forever-because right now, even though she has her friends and knows everyone, she doesn't have parents to take care of her, and look after her, or brothers to play legos with. He cried saying he didn't want her to be scared and that he would help make her feel peace.

Is he not the sweetest? Oh that broke my heart to hear him express concern for Princess's transition to our home.

Champ is growing by leaps and bounds. He loves Bill's truck, and says 'Daddy truck vroom vroom all the time" SO cute! I keep trying to catch him on video, but every time he stops talking and just looks at me. Eventually I'll catch him talking!

In overall news, last week there as a school shooting in Newtown CT-20 kindergarteners were killed my a crazy guy with a gun. On the Friday it happen, as soon as I learned about it, I took Little Dude out of school at 2 and we all got icecream. My heart broke watching all my boys play and thinking of the families who were running to that school looking for their children. This morning, there were police guarding his school with guns outside. The sight made my heart stop and I had to take some deep breaths to brightly and calmly tell Little Dude I loved him and have a great day. Seeing those police made me want to do nothing else but drive back home with all my boys and just cry. It is terrifying to realize I can't keep them safe, 24/7. And, playing on that fear, there was a radio ad I heard while driving back home, for a backpack company now selling bullet proof backpacks for kids.

But, enough sad stuff. This year, overall has been amazing. It is hard to realize that we started our research into adopting from Princess's country more than a year ago-and this coming March it will be an official year since we started the first of our adoption paper work. My, a year is going by quickly! And hopefully, the next year brings us lots of grant money, lots of blessings, and somehow, gets me through all the paperwork gathering for our dossier.

I'm really NOT looking forward to getting all those documents gathered and notarized and apostilled. But I am SO MUCH looking forward to using my passport, which came in the mail today.

My nice, new, UPDATED to married name, passport is now here. I'm ready to travel and go get our Princess. I'm so excited to see if we are blessed with her in 2013!

Somehow God Knows

So this blog is turning more into an adoption blog rather than a family blog-I promise to fix that soon. I need to download some photos from my camera and get them on here to share, along with sweet stories of what the boys are up to now.

Everyday is amazing, yet simple and mundane. We go to school, we do chores, we eat, we do homework...and somehow in that mix, amazing things are happening as our children grown and we grow watching them. It is the everyday, but it is wonderful.

For our adoption news, Bill and I are still waiting to hear if our homestudy has been approved-I'm really hoping we hear soon, but I'll let go of that.

In other adoption news, I wrote recently how nervous Bill and I were after reading and studying up on the "worst case" issues of attachment, mental health, and all that such stuff that is just so up in the air with any adoption.

And we have been really talking about if we are ready-can we do this? What if she is a worst case, what do we do?

And we prayed, and I spent hours finding local therapists with experience in international toddler adoption (though sadly I couldn't find any with specific India experience, but international toddler adoption mental health issues at least have to be somewhat similar, I guess).

So armed with those, we have just been praying that we don't ever need to use them, or call them for help. And then, a couple we met through our adoption agency, who are also adopting a sweet little girl from India-and from the same orphanage our sweet Princess is at, had the opportunity to come over for dinner.

And they have actually been to India, and met our sweet Princess many times, and they showed us some videos of her that had me working really REALLY hard not to cry.

Because watching her, made me SO BADLY want to scoop her out of the orphanage, out of the mass of kids there, and bring her here to our home, to her room, and celebrate Halloween with us. It hit us so hard, watching her, that we are doing the right thing and that everything is going to be fine. Hearing stories about her at least help to indicate there aren't any blatant issues to be worried about-and that her attachment to her caregiver is strong. Which is good, since is shows she can trust and places trust, but also sad, since she will be devastated to lose her caregiver.

Thank goodness for the internet, right? We will always be able to look up the orphanage, or maybe even skype, and send photos and letters, and keep in touch. And I have hundreds of photos already of her orphanage, caregivers there, and of her and her friends that I plan to put into a detailed book for her, so she can see them any time. I also plan to print out and frame the photo of her and her caregiver for Princess's room.

But somehow, God knew, we needed a little help keeping motivated, and to keep going forward and shake off our fears. To just TRUST that we are doing the right thing and that we can handle it. He knew, and he let our path cross this sweet couple's path, and I am so grateful we got to see her, and hear her giggles (she is certainly the giggle machine I can turn into at a lame joke; I'm so excited about that!)

The boys got to see her and hear her too, and it looked like love at first sight. JR was completely smitten and has since been pointing out toys in the big catalog that came for Christmas what we need to get for Princess. Champ started smiling so huge when we watched Princess laughing, and Little Dude actually seems pretty wise about the situation she is in and points out that we could put two more kids in our home, since the empty room could easily have bunkbeds, so maybe we need to bring two kids home. I love him and his sweet heart so much.

We had not shared much yet with them about her, since we still were so unsure about getting matched to her, but now, it looks like we should be good, with almost certain chance of getting matched to her because of her special needs, the area she is in, and our amazing agency.

And apparently our Princess LOVES tickles, which made Bill super happy, since he is always trying to tickle me and the boys and we all hate it. Bill will finally have a kid that loves to be tickled :)

Every time we have felt defeated, scare, or questioning by the whole adoption process, God has put someone in our paths that keeps our hearts focused on bringing our Princess home.

And We Are OFF!

So much has been going on lately, that I have really just found no time or energy to get on my own blog and update. But, I know that I need to keep up some of this stuff because I'll want to reflect and look through photos later! Here is what is currently going on in our world:

Little Dude is loving school. He is obsessed with Ninjago and reading The Magic Tree House series. He is also loving soccer, so we will probably be signing up for the spring season here soon. He is really into Egyptian stuff right now and we went to the art museum to learn more-he was totally in his element talking to the art guide there! It was so cute, as soon as I get my camera back from my father in law I will share photos. He is growing into such a little man and I try to remember every little hug now, as I am noticing that his head now reaches my chest...he is just growing up so quickly!

JR is loving preschool and comes home talking about all his friends. He is obsessed with Scooby Doo and Batman and I have gotten him more obsessed with reading by finding every single book possible on both subjects. He is also really enjoying soccer, though I absolutely hate his coach this yer, so we will be looking for a different group if we can't get a different coach in the spring. Let's just say the coach is horrible for little kids. Simply horrible. Enough said.

Champ is starting to talk and often walks around speaking gibberish all day. I love it. Lately at bedtime he runs around giving out HUGE hugs and patting us all on the back. Cutest hugs ever! The other night we were eating soup and I let him have some of the liquid from my bowl-he slurped it and said "ahhh" after. THAT was so cute! Bill and I couldn't stop laughing.

I am still watching HOss, and he is quite a joy. He and Champ have tons of fun playing together.

As for our Princess, we FINALLY have our homestudy OFF to be reviewed/approved for India! YIPPIEEE!!! I am anxious to hear back, BUT I have been told it will be 4 weeks til the review is done, at the soonest. -And please pray that is the soonest I REALLY want to have this all done for the Show Hope Dec. deadline for adoption grant money. Anyways, from this point, I am working on getting grant applicaitons ready to send off as soon as we get the homestudy back (approved!) and then from there, we start all the immigration stuff for our little Princess. If things keep going on track, and we get grant money in a timely fashion (or win the lottery....haha) then MAYBE we might have our Princess home by this summer. And wouldn't that just be the BIGGEST blessing ever to have her here before her 3rd birthday? Oh I am hoping so much!

As for Bill and Me, we just got back from my brother in law's wedding at the beach. It was so nice to catch up with so many of our friends, some that now live far away and we miss very much! We did all kinds of fun side trips with the kids to see the Wright Brothers Memorial and the Aquarium, and it was just so a wonderful week with all our family, but I will be glad when I have finally cleaned all the sand out of my car! I think I am finally caught up on laundry.

So, for now, I am working as much as I can to save extra money for our Princess to come home, and starting on all the grant stuff. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers-we could use some help to find the ways to afford everything we have to do to get her here to us!

Overall, life is amazing and wonderful and we are just so very very blessed to have each other and our amazing kids.

My little scientists, Champ and JR, at Marbles Kid's Museum

Nesting And Adoption

In the big scheme of things, we are still super early in our adoption process, much to my annoyance. BUT, we have also gotten A LOT done, much to my joy.

The entire homestudy process has been huge to get through and as of now we are still waiting for my boss to send in his reference, and or our social worker to finish typing everything up, THEN we are ready to apply for grants.

I'm praying so hard we can make the Show Hope grant deadline this month, but if not, then we will be ready for the next one in Oct. And there are tons of little grants I want to apply for as well, so those will keep me busy if we miss Show Hope.

My greatest hope IS in the Show Hope one-they could end up giving us a large enough amount to fund everything we need that our savings isn't going to be able to cover-how amazing would that be? And getting that big chunk so soon would enable us to speed through the final steps, with our dossier, our passports, travel flights, and the huge contract fees and the huge government fees for Visas, official documents (a birth certificate with OUR last name, yay!) and other such very important things that are all due in big chunks and can't be financed.

I am hoping and praying so hard that God will keep her safe until we can get to her. A couple of children in her orphanage have died from simple (here) illnesses and a part of me is so scared she will catch something, like just a cold, or heat exhaustion, too.  I know, it is silly, but still, I probably have such fears just because I can't be there to hold her and take care of her.

I'm so scared she will die before she has a parent to kiss her goodnight and hug her tight.

When I had learned about another little girl's death from the orphanage, and this little girl I happen to know was in the process of being adopted by such a wonderful family, it just increased my fear. I want our little Princess to know that there are people out there working hard to bring her to our family, that we want HER and love her so very much.

But, on a more positive note, I have been doing a tiny bit of "nesting". It makes the long waits between any feedback from our agency (and like now we are just in stand still waiting on a reference letter and the report to be finished...sigh) So, while there is little to do, I have been searching out cute things for her bedroom. I found these:

I was so super excited to find them in dark haired/dark skinned versions as well. I got them on zulily.com, so the prices were fantastic. I also got a few other similar photos of dark haired little princesses in various fairy tale settings. They are 8 by 11, so they will be perfect to frame and hang around her room, maybe over her little bed or over the reading area.  Since she and Champ will share a room until they get older, I also found some similar ones of little boys with puppies, playing in mud, and reading a story, and a cute subway tile looking one like this top one that says "Our Dream Came True, All Wrapped In Blue" with a little rocket ship on it.

I have them saved as favorites on etsy, so when I have the money saved I'll scoop those up and start working on the shared room space layout, with a little boy side and a little girl side. I'm excited to bring that to life in the next year, but I did promise Bill I wouldn't buy anything else until we get our official referral.

Sigh, that will be hard :)

AND in great news, I found an Indian grocery store near us and had a great conversation about classic recipes and ingredients and how to use them. He is also ordering a cookbook for me in English, since all of his on the shelves were not. I'm super excited and thankful for his help! He also told me about a clothing store that was in the same shopping area that has traditional Indian outfits-I had SO much fun looking at the little outfits and bangles and bindis....And I as so thankful the lady there was so kind to explain to me how the bindi worked, how it should be placed and what it meant-along with the bangles. They also did ear and nose piercing there, so that would be super fun to take our daughter, if she wants, and let her pick out a traditional looking earring to put in her ears. They were much more ornate than the simple studs you get at the mall, and I just loved them. They also had some wedding outfits and the lovely shades of red, the head dresses...wow, they were just STUNNING.

I can see going back there a lot! Though the prices were high enough I will probably only be able to get one or two a year as she grows, but certainly not much more expensive than a Disney Store costume and accessories, so it will certainly be something we get for her to dress up in and one for special holidays, like the Festival of Lights I want to start celebrating as a family.

And I am excited to have found such close resources right here, so now I don't feel as stressed to save up money to buy outfits for her when we travel over (though I certainly will buy some things for her) At least now though, I know I can always get new gowns for her as she grows and as I have the extra money to splurge. And we can now hunt down her favorite colors and let her pick things out as well. I am excited about the thought of picking out bangles and dresses and traditional meal ingredients with my daughter at these stores someday.

So, those are my little nesting things, and the excitement and thoughts they give me keeps me trucking on along through the massive grant paper work, adoption paper work, careful budgeting and other such tedious tasks we must accomplish to bring her home to us.

So worth it, but I do wish I could win just a portion of the lottery and just pay everything right this minute.

I can't wait to say I have three sons AND a daughter!

Last Home Study Meeting

Summer fun goofing off with neighbors

Oh goodness, we have been SO super busy. Even though it is summer, the boys have all been busy with activities-and on days we haven't had to leave the house, it has been ridiculously hot here, so we have been searching ways to stay cool by playing in the kiddie pools and taking up invites from friends to crash their neighborhood pools.

Next year, we are joining our neighborhood pool. I already have the money set aside for it, because I can't handle another year of crazy summer heat and constantly searching for places to take the kids that won't induce heat stroke. I'm so excited about summing in the nice cool water next year.

And on that note, Little Dude and JR are swimming now! Little Dude is much further along, as he can actually tread water, dive, and swim the length of the pool a few times. JR is doing great as well, as he can dive, climb out of the pool, and swim the short distance of the pool, but he still needs floaties on his arms for a bit longer. He is almost there though, so I would be after getting in the pool for a week consistently next summer he will have it down.

For the last month I have started watching a sweet little baby boy, whom I will refer to as Hoss on here because he is a cute, yet extremely chunky little guy. I hope the boys stay close friends with him, he is going to be the big guy in school that no one is going to dare mess with. He is actually younger than Champ, but looks older because he is just all around proportionally bigger. The two of them together are keeping my arms in shape! So far, Champ is loving to have someone his size to play with, so I hope he has the same enthusiasm for his sister.

Little Dude, Cole, JR, Champ, Keely. 

Hoss is super sweet though and I am SO lucky to have found him to watch. The money I'm getting from keeping him is going into a little envelope with our little girl's name on it. It feel so good to put more money in it each Friday. We are slowly getting there, though still so far away at the same time. Sigh. Her orphange is doing a "sponsor" drive right now and earlier this year, I had sent money as a partcial sponsorship of her, but now, since we have started the adoption process, we aren't allowed to send any money to help care for her.

That is seriously killing me, to have to sit and watch the orphanage beg for donations and sponsorship, and to see my sweet daughter's little face on the list of kids needing sponsors to cover food and clothes and such. I want so badly to start providing for her.

And I wish so badly that we could have her here now, it kills me realizing that we are going to miss the next few years of her life as we keep chugging along on this adoption paperwork and government involvement stuff.

As for our adoption, we have our LAST homestudy meeting tonight, at our house. Yippieeee! One huge part down!

I have been a crazy woman cleaning and dusting and triple checking childproofing and hoping everything looks great. It is a bit disconcerting to realize that I have three children, and no one has ever come to judge my parenting skills or home skills,but now, wanting to give a family to an orphan, someone is going to come judge my skills. And sanity. And I totally understand why the process is what it is, but still, it is just a bit odd to be on the receiving end of the judgement, even when the social worker is as awesome as ours is.

On that note, I have gotten the house all straight, organized the toys back to the bins they should be in (but never are actually in..haha) and then today we are going to spend ALL DAY at the most awesome science museum near our home and see Lemurs, Wolf pups, dig for dino bones and watch butterflies. We might even take a ride in a space ship! I love the science museum we have here; it is awesome. And it will keep the kids from tearing up the house before Sue gets here to inspect and talk to us one last time.

And all this out an about with 4 kids 6 and under is good practice for me, since once our little girl gets to come home, I'll have 4 kids ages 8, 7, 5 and 4....oh goodness. :)

The Avengers

My boys are completely into super heros right now. Lego has the super hero Legos right now, so the boys are busy doing chores to earn money for them; it is so cute to seem them counting their dollars to see how close they are.







Bill and I stuffed a few extra dollars into their piggy banks so they aren't completely discouraged-that and we told them they had to raise $20, even though most of the sets they want are close to $60...Bill and I figured we can help them cover the last little bit if they come up with $40 between the two of them.


I love it.

Four Years

Four Years ago, Bill and I were having maternity photos taken. They were my birthday present and I was so excited. Little Dude; however, was not, but we did finally get some really wonderful photos of the three of us and my growing belly.

And soon after, this little guy decided to come WAY early:

My water had broken, and we were scared. After a stay in the NICU though, with some super awesome nurses, our JR came home at 5lbs 15 oz. He was so super tiny, that the newborn clothes his brother had never been small enough to wear were too big on him. We got his tiny tiny hands and feet printed on a framed card that still hangs in my office.

JR's birth had scared me so badly, but in the end, we were lucky for everything to turn OK and  perfect. And now, JR is a strong, tough, smart, inventive guy with a shy streak and the biggest hugs and greatest smiles:



We blinked and four years went by. JR is such  joy and I love hearing his little voice asking for an apple, even if it is right after dinner has been eaten. You can see some of my favorite photos of JR during years one, two and three, too!

Happy Birthday, my little pumpkin.

To Fly

JR played soccer for the first time this spring and he LOVED it. His big bro Little Dude also plays, but they ended up on different teams in different divisions by mistake (the head coach thought that Little Dude was older than he is because his skill level was high)....but it ended up being the BEST mistake.

Even though having them on different teams in different divisions meant that Bill and I spent all day Saturday at two games, and all evening Fridays at two practices (and of course all the times were spread out), we are SO glad we didn't insist they be on the same team. We REALLY saw JR blossom having his own thing, his own team, and not having any comparison/competition with Little Dude. We work really hard to avoid comparisons, but just out of default, since Little Dude is older and a pretty competitive first born (like seriously, he practices for soccer to the point I have to tell him to stop...) we often see JR get a bit discouraged and give up.

So, this ended up being a GREAT way to encourage JR to keep trying and do his thing. He loved it and is already talking about playing next year. I'm so glad! I love soccer, so it makes me super happy to see the boys enjoying an activity that fosters team work and keeps me entertained, too! So, here is a video from JR's "intro" for his team before one of their games:

PS, Our little Champ is now a full time walker AND I just mailed our home study info off for Princess' adoption. We are just chugging on along!

Adoption Status: Approved

We got an exciting email today-our application has been officially approved!!! We are eligible to adopt a little girl aged 0-4, and our agency thinks we have a super great chance of getting the little girl we are trying to get.

OMG. WE GOT APPROVED!

But there is that little chance that we won't be able to get her......but we will get someone. There is a little girl out there that will be a part of our family.

OMG. I'M GOING TO HAVE A DAUGHTER.

I want to go do shopping right this minute. She is going to need princess dresses. And a pink soccer ball. PINK!

OMG. THIS IS GOING TO BE CRAZY EXPENSIVE AND I NEED TO FINALLY UPDATE MY NAME ON MY PASSPORT.

Where do you even do that? Oh goodness, there is so much to do. I feel thrilled beyond all else and panicked at the same time. A part of me thought we wouldn't actually get approved. A part of me thought we would hear no yet again. We have some huge payments to dish out very soon to really cement our place "in line" for a referral- for the little girl God is going to lead us to.

Do we take the chance of not getting her? Are we ready to do this now? Do we have the money? I have no idea how we will afford all of this. When it is all said and done, it will be around $40,000.....OMG. That makes my stomach hurt....but at the same time, I would pay millions to keep my sons safe, so thinking of it that way, why would I not make sure I found a way to pay the money to get my daughter safely to us?

We will have a daughter. A DAUGHTER.

I need to learn Hindi, stat

OMG!!!!

And even cooler? We got the best news ever on our 8th wedding anniversary.

I'm totally ordering this Tinkerbell hair clip for our Princess:

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have a DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother's Day With Adoption

Mother's Day for me is always joyful. I have three little munchkins that make each year better and better and an amazing husband that loves to spoil me by doing all the laundry for the weekend. If you don't know it, I HATE laundry. Actually, I'm decent at washing, it is just the folding and putting away that I hate. I like to blame it on the fact that we really have no closet space for our things, but really I just hate to fold and iron, so more space probably wouldn't help any.

Needless to say, Bill doing laundry ALL WEEKEND for me is AWESOME!

And he always gets me the stargazer lilies we had at our wedding and in my bouquet, so even though he tries to surprise me, I always know they are coming and can't wait to see where in the house he has hidden them. He is the best, truly.

This Mother's Day is a little different for me though, because we have started down the road of adoption. And we have started the road differently, since we are trying to request a waiting child, so we know her name, and where she is.....and that makes it hard to not think of her constantly and hope she is well. I know she is loved, luckily, because I have been lucky enough to know people that have volunteered and worked in her orphanage (which is how we came to find her and try to request adopting her).

But, since I have all this swirling through my heart right now, it is hard to not realize we are missing a family member.

I know, it sounds crazy, since we may still be turned down. So she may not be ours. But I'm hoping so badly, and just FEELING so much, that it is meant to be. And I just can't help but feel a little sad that our little girl isn't here with us today, enjoying the rerun of "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" (which the boys thought was HILARIOUS...brought back some good memories from when I was little and saw it the first time around!)

Anyways, I found out recently that we should know the result of our application on the 20th.

At that point we will know if we can keep going forward with our adoption, or if our request is denyed, we will try to learn why, and see if there is still the option to adopt a different child out there, or if India feels that we just don't fit their criteria, period.

I am nervous, since we have three sons already, but our agency said it helped that the child we want is a girl, since she would be the only girl, India will be more prone to over look the child limit for a non heritage family.

Keep the prayers? And maybe in two more Mother's Days we will have a daughter laughing here as well.

Happy Mother's Day to you all!

New News

So, I know in my heart that adoption takes a long time. I have a blogger friend who waited 5 years to be matched with her lovely daughter, so hey, I understand and realize we will be waiting. But, right now, we are just waiting to hear back that our application has been accepted. And while our agency coordinator said that everything looked great to her, the ultimate decision is up to the lady that works with the India government very closely, and she knows exactly what their preferences will be with the new CARA rules. And our family is RIGHT on the border of their rules anyway, because Champ our Princess will be right at 9 months apart.....JUST past their age limit set to make sure there can't be artificial "twinning". AND we are JUST at the limit of children already allowed in the family prior to adoption. AND even though Princess is special needs, she isn't severe...and she is still really young, in terms of international adoption. So, we have some things going for us, and some against us. And right now waiting is killing me, because I really just want to KNOW that we can keep going forward, or stop for the time being. If we get turned down, it just means that Princess isn't meant for us, but that another child out there is, and this is all part of that path. But seriously, waiting to just hear a yes, keep going, or no, you can't adopt her and you need to look at a different kind of adoption is killing me. So maybe some prayers that we get an answer to which path we need to get on sometime soon? And in the mean time, a cute photo of us all from our cousin Angie's trip to NC from Oregon!

Now we just need to get out there to go on one of her rafting tours!

I Came To Win, To Fight, To Conqure, To Thrive

Champ at the Park, loving the Swing. 

So much has been going on these past 6 months since my last post. A lot, and then at the same time, not that much that seemed "worthy" of writing about.

The boys, Little Dude and JR are in soccer now and loving it. I'm loving that our Saturdays are spent cheering them on, there really is no where else or anything else I'd rather be. Their huge smiles as they run for water at half time and look over to see if we are watching-I love those mid game waves, even if it means they completely miss the ball rolling right in front of them.

I just laugh inside, and smile and cheer and wave back.

Yes, we are here, watching, and we are so proud of you, always.


School starts for Little Dude in August, and already my heart hurts thinking about not seeing him ALL DAY. But, like in Nemo, I need to just smile and tell him to have a great adventure.

That is what this parenting is all about, right? Letting them have grand adventures, and knowing we will always stand in the shadows, cheering them on.

Champ is starting to walk and has the cutest way of doing raspberries all through church. We make all the old people on our little side area crack up.

He can also say "uh oh" quite well and in the cutest sing song voice. I love it, even if it does mean that there is actually something to say uh oh about-yes, he uses it correctly. Usually when a mess has been made.

We are pursing adoption, finally, after many years of thinking about it, talking about it, and finding reasons that it wouldn't work financially, Will and I have really felt a tug and desire to at least try and see what happens. I have faith that somehow, financially, it will all work out.

God has the power to create the universe, so I know that if we are truly meant to adopt then somehow, things will continue to fall into place for us.

We are looking at adopting a sweet little special needs child from India. She is the same age as Champ, and has a similar smile-huge and wide, and she also has tons of teeth, just like him.

Things are falling into place in the most amazing and scary of ways-to the point that we have decided that we really are being called to bring this little girl to our home.

I'm actually waiting on a call from our adoption agency today to discuss her more and what our process will be in requesting a specific child, as opposed to just getting in the general line. It helps us tons that she is listed as special needs, though her needs are actually far more minimal, according to her orphanage director whom I've already spoken with, than her file indicates.

And there are so many other signs -like how I even got in contact with the orphanage director out of the blue from a friend's email.

So much falling into place, making this all feel like we have to pursue it, and just see what happens.

So, we are starting the process, with much excitement and apprehension, so see if we turn our family of five into a family of six.

and that, my friends, is all that is going on in our little neck of the world. Pray that we are patiently able to follow God's plan, regardless of that meaning we adopt a little girl, or just have to wait to see what is to be revealed.

In Time

It has been such a long time since I sat down to write for myself, that I am almost unsure of what to share! There are many things going on in our little part of the world, like today (in only a few minutes, actually) I will be dropping the kids off with a good friend so I can go tour an ELEMENTARY school for Little Dude.

Is that even possible, that my Little Dude is starting school? I swear we just brought him home...

JR is also in a fun school program that is free through our school system, so twice a week we go to JR's school-after dropping Little Dude off at his preschool. Being the "big school kid" makes JR's chest puff out, which by default makes mine putt out as well. There is such a proud feeling I get from seeing my children find pride in their abilities.

And Champ, well, he is quite the little Champ! He is crawling everywhere now; and crawling quite quickly, if I do say so myself! He is all about food and LOVES to grab food on his tray. He will actually cause quite the fuss if he does not have something to try and eat at meal times. He also now realizes when I am not holding him and should anyone else try to hold him, well, he will do his best to wiggle all around to make sure he lets EVERYONE know he would rather have me.

It is amazingly cute and annoying at the same time. I try to focus on the cuteness of it though, since I know soon enough he will not want me snuggling him.

This morning JR came into my bed and snuggled with me for a few seconds. It was heaven. Then he proclaimed he had to fart, started laughing and then told me quite seriously that he was wasting away and needed food.

Oh boys.