Parent Guilt

Even though I stay home with the kids, I do work from home. And that means that every Monday starts out with me feeding the kids quickly, grabbing a cup of coffee for me, and running downstairs to my office to start sending out client retainer hour reports. And then I make a gameplan for what items I need to complete for the week, what projects need more attention, check on time for other projects, discuss SEO items with my bosses and clients, and more.

What are the kids doing during this time? Eating alone upstairs. Or watching tv downstairs. Or playing outside without me (in our privacy fenced backyard), or simply reading stories in their room.

My point is though, that it is WITHOUT ME. Like right now; I am in the middle of writing some SEO blog posts on a ton of condo spotlights for a client (and thus taking a quick break to jot this personal blog post down) and the kids are outside playing without me.

Champ is here sleeping next to me (since he is a baby with older bros, I never leave him out of sight for long, lol) But I feel GUILTY.

Guilty I have to work.
Guilty I have to make the kids go do things without me.
Guilty that I have to say "I can't play right now, Mommy needs to work"
Guilty I have to say "Go find something to do"
I'm guilty that I can't keep the house spotless or the laundry caught up.
I'm guilty that I can't always have dinner done on time
I'm guilty that I get behind on work for work!

I'm just guilty all the time, and feel like I just can't measure up or get everything done.

And I know I would feel differently if I worked outside the home. Then I know I would give myself a break on some of those things, like dinner, or laundry, or even having to tell the kids to go play.

Most of my guilty feelings come from the fact that I AM home, I'm HERE, and I should be more engaged in all the household stuff, all the kid stuff. Surely, as a stay at home mom, I can find the time to read some stories during the day? Right?

But there are some days, where the only stories read are right before bed. And I feel ever so guilty about it.

I don't remember my parents ever playing with me or my sisters. I remember being told to go away A LOT and it kills me when I have to tell the boys I can't play. That I have stuff to do.

And yet, somehow, I can never catch up.

I feel like, since I am at home, that I should have all the HOME stuff taken care of for Bill. He shouldn't have to come home and help with laundry (in my mind) because I"M HERE. I should do it. It is part of my stay at home job! Dinner should be done, the vacuuming done. The dishes done. The kids mostly clean and letters practiced, books read, and some time spent at the park. That is my opinion of what a stay at home mom DOES.

But throw work in, and somehow, I lose most of my time to do those other household things, which is fine and understandable, but I just can't get myself to accept the fact that I am WORKING. I can't do it all, all the time; I realize that. But somehow, deep inside, when I see the boys playing alone, or Bill coming home to a stack of dirty dishes, I get hit by huge waves of guilt.

Guilt that just won't go away.

Living With Boys

I grew up in a house of girls.

The majority of my childhood my dad was off traveling for work, so we really only saw him on Saturdays and Sundays before he would be taking off again for the next week.

So yes, it was 4 women, and thus there were lots of Barbie play, tea parties, dress up, and makeup demos. I would even play with all my baby dolls and pretend they were my daughters and take them for grand walks in the woods and tea parties under the huge pine tree with my sisters.

I didn't even have any cousins or neighbors nearby, so beyond interacting with boys at school (which, of course, could give you cooties until late middle school/high school) I had NO idea what kind of play my boys would do.

They have quickly informed me though, about how BOYS play, much to my dismay.

You see, there are no quiet tea parties going on in our play kitchen. NOOOOO.

Instead, they are building bombs to get bad buys, poisoning food to get bad guys, and cooking stuff they declare to be better than the veggies I try to stuff in them on a daily occurrence. Usually all this cooking goes on with quite a LOUD fan fare; the results usually have food thrown about everywhere, the play table turned topsey turvy, and an impromptu battle against bad guys takes place involving the poor play cupcakes.

Occasionally they will take the baby doll we have on a ride in the grocery cart, but usually the baby gets covered in items they pick up around the playroom, like the play food, blankets, baskets, and trains, and when they are done, she is usually tossed into the play oven.

I am a bit worried about their future parenting techniques.

Needless to say, I am a bit out of water with boy stuff. Most of what they play makes me cringe and I often find myself repeating:

Calm Down!
Slow Down!
Be Careful!
Be Gentle!!
Don't Throw THAT!
Don't Jump On Your Brother!
NOT IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS!!!

Those are pretty much all the phrases I need to get through my day.

Lately, their new game is "wreaking ball".

What, may you ask, is wreaking ball?

It is when one guy stands braced in the doorway and the other one RUNS at him AS FAST AS HE CAN and attempts to knock down the guy in the doorway.

The first time they played it a few nights ago, I didn't quite realize what they were doing, because all I caught were glimpses of them as they ran by the kitchen, and then I would hear hysterical laughter, so I figured all was good.

Parenting mistake number one-o-one: I should have remembered that just as equally dangerous as silence is hysterical laughter.

Later, when Bill got home he saw what they were doing and thought it was fantastic, and when I asked for more details on why he thought them running down the hall was so great, he pulled me out to the living room to show me the impact moment.

It was quite lucky Bill was there because I just about lost it.

I mean, really, THAT is a GAME? And they kept taking turns and doing it over and over and over....and over.

I was certain someone was going to get seriously injured and wanted to put a stop to it; however, Bill reminded me to step back and let them be; they are boys.

Which, I trust my husband with, since he and his brother were, apparently, just like these guys.

And they WERE having fun. And taking turns. And Sharing. And getting energy out.

It was just giving me a heartattack to watch, because, after all, it was a lot of WORK and PAIN to get those guys into this world, so I certainly don't want them to break each other.

So I had to go to something a bit more calm, like washing dishes.

So I Walked Into The OB's Office

Last week I had a heartbeat checkup for Pumpkin. Exciting, but not quite as exciting as the other visits, since we didn't get any pictures of the baby. Our next appointment we find out if Pumpkin will be wearing blue or pink-squeal!! So, yea, this one, while fun to hear the heart, the actual visit with the doc. was super short, and more of a circus.

Oh, OB visit and circus don't automatically seem to go together? Oh but they DO, that is, IF you are pregnant, and go to your doctor toting 3 kids between the ages of 4 and 2. That in and of itself is enough to scare all the ladies there getting refills on their birth control.

But the REAL fun, is, if, let us say, the moment you get in the office and go to sign in, one kid starts to LICK the walls like she hasn't eaten in years, another starts rolling on the floor and the other declares very loudly that he has to PEE NOW-also doing the typical potty dance in a very exaggerated form.

Did I mention we had JUST walked in the door? And we had all eaten, peed, and done all that fun stuff RIGHT before the left the house to go to said doctor?

So, that, my friends, is how you scare all the pregnant ladies at the OB office and officially turn your group (I like entourage) into a traveling circus.

I am quite certain I will be the topic of discussion at many dinner tables, and many smug first time mama's-to-be will be declaring that THEIR child will never behave in such ways.

Trust me, I was was there 4 years ago.

And in 4 years, they too will realize, sometimes kids just do what kids do best:

Be sweet, silly, crazy, unpredictable even in predictable moments, able to humble confident parents, fun kids.

We Don't Eat Babies

So, part of the fun of having little kids is all the fun things they say! Even when they say these super fun things at somewhat embarrassing times.

Like when you are at the park and your son keeps talking about blood and how he likes blood and how he wishes he could see it move around the body. (And you are the only one that realizes the fascination with blood is from seeing Mom give blood earlier, while everyone else in the park just thinks your kid is *creepy*)

Or like, how your other son thinks the word "dukie" is the MOST HILARIOUS EVER and continues to yell it and laugh hysterically while your are trying hard to find the best deal on bread.

Or perhaps how, while you are cooking dinner, you see one boy run by screaming and wielding what looks like his plastic golf club, only to see the other dash by, also screaming, and holding stuffed num-chucks over his head. All of which sends you to retreat further into the kitchen, because you just DON'T WANT TO KNOW what they are doing.

Or, our current favorite, is if you and your husband are sharing a special moment, talking about how you have a bun in the oven and rubbing a still sorta flat belly, your eldest will walk up and declare loudly:

MOMMY!! DADDY!!! Do we EAT BABIES in THIS family???!! NOOOO! We do NOT eat Babies!! In some families? MAYBE, but NOT this one!!

Then he may or may not cross his arms and glare at you for even CONSIDERING having a Bun, er, Baby, in the oven.

And where do you even start to explain how that phrase came about, because seriously, I need to know.

Because, you see, we REALLY do have a little bun in the oven, all set to finish cooking in April!!! YAYAYAY!!!

We will soon be a family of 5!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

An Empty Nest

So last weekend, Bill and I got to go have an adult weekend, while the kids stayed with his parents.

It was wonderful and awesome to be "adults" again. We hit up some bars, hung out with kid-free friends again, and stayed up late-like back in college late-way past my current 9pm bedtime late!

And it was awesome.

But Sunday, as we waited for the kids to come back from Grandma's, I had a glimpse of the future and I didn't like it.

The kids were gone. The house was empty.

Though it was wonderful to spend time with just Bill-and I think that every couple needs that now and then (in fact, I think we will be doing it again around Bill's birthday). BUT, being in the quiet house, not breaking up a toy fight, and not hearing hysterical giggles every few minuets made me kinda sad.

I think I'm going to be that mom that really misses her kids, even when they are 30, so I'll be bugging them to come for visits. I'm hoping that they want to visit often.

I also think that now, when my in laws are wanting a visit, I won't be sighing and trying to find an empty day on the calendar. I see now; they MISS us and those visits are now terribly important to me; they are well deserving of knocking aside other plans. Because I know, that soon enough, I will be hoping for similar visits from my kids, when my house becomes much to quiet and their days are much too busy.

Your Love Is My Drug

Back when I was pregnant for the first time, I thought I was tired all the time. And even though people warned me that once the baby was walking I would be tired, I felt pretty prepared-after all, I worked at a daycare/preschool that ROCKED with tons of on going training and skill building.

So I usually just smiled and nodded, and looked really forward to no carrying 35 extra pounds around on my 5 foot frame.

And the baby years have come and gone, twice for me, and I have to tell you something.

Preschoolers wear you out. I am exhausted, seemingly all the time. If it isn't a reality consequence lesson I'm trying to teach, or taking toys away ALL.DAY.LONG because they forget how to share, then it is the NEVER ending questions about EVERYTHING-and my kids are already calling me out if I try to stumble through an answer, so there are times I've had to look things up so I can give an acceptable answer.

Yesterday, Little Dude started running circles around me at the grocery store. Literally. JR is a copy cat right now, as well, so you can just go ahead and imagine both of them giggling and running around me as I tried to pick out the cheapest OJ and compare coupons. I was THAT mom with the crazy kid.

And not because they don'e know how to behave, preschoolers just have undying energy that times up with your energy level being on empty.

So, I scooped them up in my arms and headed home to set the kids loose in the yard while I collapsed on the swing.

But, they are so very adorable and cute it is hard to stay tired for too long, after all, there are adventures to lead, light sabers to find, and forts to build.


*This was going to see How To Train Your Dragon in 3D with our neighbors. SUPER great movie*

Building Up

So we only got 1/4 of the way laying deck boards over the weekend. It is a bit frustrating, while we knew we wouldn't finish, we did think we would reach halfway with the boards, but it is going much more slowly-and is much more difficult-than we had thought.

We are laying the boards at a 45 degree angle, to make it stronger and to make it look really pretty. While it should be a simple task of cutting the boards at that angle, it isn't because most of the boards are slightly curved, or slightly warped, or just not straight. Which really sucks when it comes to trying to space, cut, and line up angles. Sigh. But it will be worth it-already our backyard is a much more inviting place to hang out-no more muddy patio! Yay!

The kids have been having a lot of fun "helping" with this project, and it has been a great way to teach about not giving up when things get hard. Our Little Dude has been telling all his toys to "never give up" when, in his play land, something gets hard for the toys. It is so cute-and such a great way to see how he emulates our attitudes.

Not only do our children pick up on our actions and habits, but they also sense our attitudes. While we never told him that we were getting frustrated with the deck, he sensed it, and asked if we were going to quit when we stopped for a break. What a great opportunity it was to teach him how you never NEVER give up.

How proud I am to hear him already soaking that phrase up. Love it.

And even though every muscle in my body is sore from bending over and screwing in deck boards, I know the pain will pay off soon. And that my sons are watching us, so we must show them a great attitude, even when the going gets tough.

Because it never pays to give up.

10 Breastfeeding Tips

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed-it seems to be one of the mains questions everyone asks new moms.

For me, it was always to breastfeed, for the following reasons-

1-It is free.Since we were going to be losing my income so I could be at home, it made since to go with the most economical choice.

2-No expiration dates or times, bottles to sanitize or lose the pieces to. Breastfeeding was always there and ready to go.

3-Formula is created to mimic breast milk. Not that formula is bad-I personally feel that whatever makes mom the happiest and keeps baby growing is the perfect choice, no matter what. However, given the option, it seemed to me that instead of paying a butt-load of money for a chemically processed item that is trying to BE breast milk, it made the most sense to simply breastfeed.


But you know what those pregnancy books don't tell you? Breastfeeding is hard. It doesn't "come naturally" and it takes practice for both you AND baby to get it right. And if you have it wrong? Well, it HURTS LIKE HELL.

So, if you happen to be facing the choice of breastfeeding or formula feeding (or maybe even both) here are some of my top tips on breastfeeding:

1-Take advantage of the lactation consultant at the hospital. Even get a nurse to help you. There is nothing wrong with you if it doesn't happen naturally and perfectly the first time-in fact, it probably won't. We don't grow up in a culture where we see women breastfeeding all the time, and often most people experience babies for the first time with their own-so DON'T feel guilty or stressed if it takes some practice to get it right.

2-Buy a NICE breast pump. Preferably one that does both sides at once. It sounds weird, but you will love the time you save. Also, get a lot of nursing shirts and bras-they will make the whole "out and about" nursing 100% better and more discreet for your comfort.

3-Don't be ashamed to nurse in public-buy a cute nursing cover and simply sit on a bench -I have even used dressing rooms before and been quite comfy. I've never once had anyone tell me to not breastfeed, yet at the same time, I doubt many people really knew unless they were also moms. I was that covered up with a simple cover or sling tail.

4-Wherever you do breastfeed, find something fun to do, watch on TV, or a book to read or music to enjoy-the point is, don't hole yourself up in a dark room -make it enjoyable for both you and baby. Nursing is a great time to sit and relax and chill out from the stress of the day-take advantage and make your "time out" as enjoyable as possible.

5-If you are having ANY pain that makes you want to cry, then most likely your latch is wrong. Not only is it hurting you like crazy, but baby also is not getting milk out well-and expending a lot of energy for very little food. Make sure baby gets ALL of your nipple in his/her mouth. The best way? Rub baby's lips with your nipple to stimulate him/her to open wide-then when the little mouth is open wide move your ENTIRE nipple into his/her mouth. His mouth should actually cover most of the areaola.

6-Got a sleepy baby who won't eat? Rub the baby's hands. For some reason that stimulates sucking. That works for bottle feeding, too and we would do it for some of the kids in the day care I worked at when they just couldn't stay away enough to eat.

7-Get LOTS of nipple cream. Lanolin is great and safe for baby to eat, so no worries about needing to rub it off. I used it before and after nursing. It will take awhile for your nipples to get used to being stretched and sucked by the baby-so you will have a little bit of pain, but nothing that should make you want to scream or cry-that is the sign of a bad latch or infection. Also, if you get cracked nipples, use lots of cream and soothing gel pads until they heal.

8-There are TONS of breast pads, soothing pads, and gel pads to help with the swelling and leaking that can occur from time to time. I would recommend always having some in your diaper bag, they are life savers. I also always wore more formed lined or padded nursing bras out and about so no one could tell if I had pads in them. Lots of the pads are really smooth and thin now, too. I got most of my great nursing gear from Motherhood Maternity, Target, and Mom 4 Life.

9-Try your hardest to not skip a feeding and get engorged with milk-this can lead to mastitis, an infection that hurts like crazy. I got one with my second son and it was not fun. So, if you ever get a high temp and your breasts are super tender, call your Dr. right away.

10-Don't OVER pump to get your milk flowing. If you are trying to stimulate milk, pump a little after each feeding, but as soon as milk starts to come, STOP. Let your baby's natural eating amount dictate the amount of milk made in the very beginning-at least until you get your feeding down comfortably. I thought I was being slick by pumping TONS of milk after each feeding in the beginning-so I could save it in a freezer-however; that just led to HUGE engorgement, pain, and a ridiculous amount of leaking-the engorgement also led to my mastitis mentioned above. Unless you are just not making any milk, or really have to pump, my advice would be to not pump at all in the first week or two after your milk comes in so, your body, you and baby can get everything under control.

If you have other questions, you can always talk to a La Leche League group, though keep in mind they are usually very anti-formula, so don't be intimidated if they come across strongly, they are experts in the nursing field and a great resource. Also go by your hosptial and make appointments to see the Lactation consultant whenever you need extra help or even talk to other moms you meet out and about for more tips or advice on specific problems or questions you have. If you are wondering about anything, feel free to ask me, if I have any advice I am happy to share!

Happy Breastfeeding!

Just Breathe

I've never really thought of my life as one to be envied-after all, everyday is just so normal. Playdough, parks, tantrums (from the kids AND me) and poop that got where? There are endless loads of dishes and laundry that I SUCK at keeping up with-really, just ask my husband. I have sweeping, ironing-which I actually enjoy, go figure-and never-ending amounts of peanut butter sandwiches and boo boo kisses given out on a daily basis.

It has always seemed to me like my life is great-but not really anything I expected others to covet-or even say they were envious of-I mean, after all, I get pooped or peed on as a regular part of my day.

Walking with an old friend yesterday opened my eyes to just how lucky I am to be a mom-to have this opportunity to raise the amazing people God trusted to me and to be a partner and support beam to my wonderful husband.

Though my days are super long and go by in a blur-ending with me falling into bed at night, I need to remember just how precious, special, and lucky this charge of motherhood is. I need to take more time to soak up and enjoy the little things, instead of worrying or getting stressed.

And another thing I learned from my friend? I need to be run more-being out of breath after a walk is just, well, embarrassing. Especially if I have any hope of finishing the mother's day 5K I want to do.....

Marbles

Alexis, Little Dude, Emily, and JR enjoying lunch together. Alexis is my wonderful friend Melissa's little girl.
I love the Raleigh kid's museum, Marbles; however, I DON'T like school groups that don't watch their kids.

Their rather old, massively large and sometimes hairy, 12 year old kids.

That throw all the food that is in the UNDER 5 YEARS play area. And then start throwing the toys from the BABY area out into the main area.

I might have yelled at some of them.

OK, I did yell. And then they stopped. And then I raised a fuss at the front desk about the behavior of a particular school group and the lack of supervision and WHY ARE THEY IN THE BABY AREA THEY ARE 12!!!!!!

But once the school group left, it was a BLAST. So, in my opinion, the best time to take your kids to Marbles? Right at noon.

Take a lunch, set the kids up to eat, then after they are done, let them play for a few hours. School groups are generally gone by 12:30-and so is everyone else. So by then, your little kids get to play with EVERYTHING they want, without waiting or the risk of losing a head to flying fruit or jumping 12 year olds.

After playing hard, we head home at 2. The kids fall asleep in the car, I take them one by one to their beds for nap, and then everyone gets up again by 3. Super nice, it is easy to keep up with them because Marbles is EMPTY, and I don't have to worry they will get hurt.

We all enjoy it better, even if naps get started a little later. For me, it is tons more fun to make naps late, rather than deal with big kids in the little kid area-or trying to follow three pre-schoolers through the crowds of schools.

Anyways, my thoughts on it. Does anyone else have thoughts on good ways/times to enjoy Marbles? We are planning on going again tomorrow.

Monster Trucks

Today, Saturday and Sunday the Firestone in Garner, NC is celebrating its grand opening with the Monster Truck Bigfoot and letting people come look at it. I'm not a huge fan of watching cars crush cars, so I actually have no idea what all we will be allowed to touch, BUT I am hoping the kids can sit inside.

Because with two little boys, I'm starting to appreciate how cool cars are, for their sake, anyway, because they are In LOVE With Cars. And I think Emily will enjoy at least seeing how excited the boys get.

Perhaps you'll see her and me standing off to the side,shaking our heads as the boys run around dancing for joy. Or, perhaps it will just be me, wondering how I will get three excited kids away from the truck when it is time to leave. Hmmm. Either way, it will be an adventure.

So, that is what we are up to today, other than that, I am at a loss for entertainment. I need warm weather, quckly!

Shame on Dr. Wakefield

I'm late to mention this, so I'm sure most of you saw this:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35218819/ns/health-health_care/


Yea, it has rocked the world of Autism. And for me, that rocking is a wonderful, happy news. Because you know what? I'm scared of all the people not vaccinating their children.

I may sound silly, because I have not had to deal with Autism outside of a school setting (yes, I did have one child with mild Autism in a preschool class), and because it is not my child that has it, it may be easy for me to say this, but personally-for me-I would rather deal with Autism than to deal with my child getting Mumps, Measles, Rubella, Chickenpox, Polio, and the like. All those things can-and most likely will-severely cripple or worse, kill your children. Autism though, does not.

But even for me, someone who was steadfast FOR getting every vaccination possible for all members of our family (yes, I even keep up with getting booster vaccinations) I still had that seed of doubt there, that made me a little edgy after shots were given. I'd watch the kids like a hawk, seeing if anything changed. Apparently, though, that was a lot of needless worry.

Apparently, Dr. Wakefield cooked the books to make his theory work-so that he could then finish development an MMR vaccine replacement. See, he was getting thousands upon hundreds of thousands of dollars to create a new vaccine-and to ensure his was used, he got 12 kids to give blood during his son's birthday party, and based his entire thesis on those 12 kids and the one blood sample he took.

In fact, The Lancet, who originally published his findings and started the whole scare, could never reproduce Dr. Wakefield's results. No one could. And slowly, Dr.s who had jumped on board to support it, quietly took their name off the paper. And now, The Lancet has not just said, "Hey, this theory was disproven", they have EXPUNGED it. They have declared it a fabricated, fixed and biased study that never held water and that should have never made it as a scientific study. They are taking all record of it out of their scientific findings.

Do you know how many children in England (Where Dr. Wakefield's study on Autism and the ties to vaccinations were first published) have died now from Measles and Mumps?

And if you have been to the parks around here where I live, you'll run into a great many parents that haven't vaccinated their children. And why do I care? I'm not a scientist, but I do know that vaccinations work as a MASS protection-meaning if everyone is vaccinated then the group as a whole is safe, but if only a few are vaccinated, and an outbreak of say, Polio, comes, then even though your children have been vaccinated, they could still catch it because their bodies are coming into contact with the virus on such a large scale.

So, for Dr. Wakefield, SHAME on you for the fear, anxiety and now danger you have put on parents and children with your bogus study.

And parents, please vaccinate your kids. Now, Let's put all our efforts now on studying Autism, and figuring it out, instead of studying vaccines, because there is an answer to Autism out there, we just haven't looked in the right place yet.

**I'm not any kind of Dr. or scientific person. In fact, I barely made it out of Organic Chemistry with a passing grade in college, so DON'T take what I say as the absolute answer, theory, or whatever. Find the answers and information for yourself and come to your own conclusions.***

First Day On The Job

Today is my first day as nanny to the amazing Emily. So far, no one wanted to eat the breakfast I made (granted it was oatmeal, but I did put brown sugar on it). I also already played with Emily's hair (yippiee!)

Right now everyone is playing super nicely. At the moment they are playing Little Dude's FAVORITE game-and my least favorite game-trash truck. It involves turning his bed into a trash truck.

Doesn't sound so bad, you say?

Well, part of being a trash truck is having trash, so Little Dude, JR and Emily are gathering all the toys in Little Dude's room and dumping them on the bed/trash truck. Always a pain to clean because it takes the kids FOREVER to do it. But, that is part of the deal, they want to play trash truck, there is no other fun until it is cleaned up, and they have to do it all themselves.

For the most part they do a fantastic job of getting things back where they go.

Anyways, the first day, so far, is going well. I can tell I'll be flying through the milk and bread, so today or tomorrow will have to involve a grocery run. We spent the weekend at my in-laws, and I failed to remember I would be going through the rest of our bread today just for sandwiches at lunch.

I'll let you know tomorrow how having three all day goes.

Raising Two

Right now, my life is pretty busy.

We have a toddler who eats us out of house and home. Seriously. See his shirt?


Really though, JR eats everything in sight. I think he'd eat the baseboards if he thought we'd let him. The other day I was sweeping up food from the kitchen floor (You now know my kitchen floor has food on it. Yes, it often DOES) and he GRABBED something and ATE IT. It happen faster than I could think. How gross. (Mental note I need to clean the floor more regularly).

What else keeps me on my toes?

My adorable Prince Charming. (You can't see his shirt in this photo, but it does, in fact say, Prince Charming, so it is officially true.)


Little Dude gets braver and bigger by the minute and amazes me more and more with his worldly observations. Like yesterday, after I lectured him forever about how he shouldn't treat his toys badly because there are hungry, starving, cold people out there, he innocently asked me, "Momma, why don't we let them live here, then they can be warm, eat all the food and they can pick up my toys!"

So wise for 3.

Parenting is the best job in the world, and when it is done well, it is also one of the hardest in the world and I am glad for every minute, even the gross ones.

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Being Grateful

My friend, Heather, got to be a part of a video on how to teach your children to be grateful. The video is GREAT, so you should check it out:



What are some of the things you want to do or have done? Every year, our church raises funds for feeding and helping local people in need-and in the case of Haiti, sending food, resources, and personal help. So this year, we let the kids be a part of our contribution.

At first, it was hard for Little Dude to pick out things to give to children in need or food for those that are hungry. The one thing that helped him find it fun was we reminded him that we could buy more. We are blessed and can go to the store anytime we want. Others are cold and don't have beds tonight.

So, Little Dude helped me pick food out of our pantry and set aside some toys and books that we could give to those that need. We also let him and JR put extra money in the basket when it came around for Haiti donations, and we explained to them that this money was to help all the people that needed food and shelter after the earthquake. And we told him, that someday, if we need help, people will be there to help us. So as long as we are able, we need to do our part and do as much as we can to help. I think he understood a little and I think it made him feel good to know he could help in such a huge way.

When Little Dude and JR are old enough, we want to have them help with Habitat for Humanity, too. It is something I did while I was in college, and along with learning great skills, it really makes you appreciate what goes into a home and providing shelter for someone.

Tiny Talk

My son, Little Dude, LOVES his gummy vitamins, so when he noticed Bill and I had LARGER gummy vitamins, he was intrigued. He used every skill he had to try to convince us that he needed one of our BIG gummies.

When he realized he had lost the quest, the conversation got interesting:

Him: "When I grow up, I'm going to eat BIG vitamins."

Us: "That's right, Sweetie, then you'll be big and strong."

Him: "And I'm going to say BAD words. Oh Yeeeaaa."

Us: "Uhhh..."


Needless to say, we tried not to laugh, because he was so serious about it.

I've decided there isn't much cuter (or more fun) to be around then an imaginative 3 year old.

My Goal for 2010

I have run out of excuses for being tired and always behind. See, I used to blame the kids-they take so much time, I can't keep up with the laundry!

But in all honesty, they really don't take up tons of time, like in the beginning. Little Dude can talk now, in complete sentences, so there is no guess work on what he wants when, and JR is not far behind, already uttering words of his own and using sign language. They can do tons of things for themselves now, and Little Dude even helps me put away his own laundry while I put away JR's. I don't spent time chopping up food into itty bitty pieces anymore, or pureeing baby food. Little Dude goes potty on his own and even washes his hands with his foam soap. Everyone sleeps through the night.

They play beautifully together. In fact, right now, they are playing with the train table, and have been doing so for the last 20 minutes or so.

And what have I been doing? Checking email. Browsing blogs. Looking out the window. Wasting time.

So, I have decided for my New Year's resolution, I am going to make goals for each day and GET THEM DONE. No more laundry piling up because "I was too busy with the kids", no more sitting around just watching the kids when I have laundry, dishes, vacuuming, and WORK to get done.

And while I will still steal moments of just watching my boys play, I need to tear myself away and be a little more productive when these moments turn into minutes, into half hours. Even take some of that time left AFTER cleaning up messes (that would be amazing, eh?) to plan some fun crafts for the kids. That would be much better than the mindless nothingness I usually do.

And perhaps instead of working my job late at night while everyone else sleeps, I could be more productive and do it in the early am or even during nap time, instead of napping myself.

So, that is my goal for the New Year-what is yours?

Prematurity Awareness Month

JR was considered a preemie, because he came at 35 weeks, right at the border of preemie and "normal".

I've never admitted it, but I do blame myself for the fact my water broke early. Perhaps I carried Little Dude too much, and he was too heavy for me. Perhaps chasing after our way-too-big German Shepard got me too worn out...perhaps I was doing to much, pushing too hard, and taking on too much stress.

Can I tell you I felt horribly stupid, scared, and completely, totally, over run with guilt I was when the doctor said I had a leak in JR's amnio sack, and I couldn't even tell him how long I might have had the leak?

So, of course, the only choice was to induce JR right then and there, since every minute there was a leak increased the chance of JR getting an infection, becoming terribly ill, or worse, dying.

And even though everyone says it wasn't my fault, I still feel like it was. My body failed at the one task is was made to do: provide a place for my baby to grow.
And as of now, the doctor has no idea what could have caused my water to break, but did warn me that I would be closely monitored if and when we have another child, because Little Dude also came early by a few weeks, and we certainly don't want it to be a pattern of having babies earlier and earlier.

But I'm lucky, my child is fine. I have a ton of online friends whose children have not been doing well, are still fighting day by day, or who have lost the fight to live in a world their little bodies weren't ready for yet.

Did you know 1 in 8 babies born in the US are preemies? And even though our medical advancements have grown by leaps and bounds, our numbers of premature births has increased significantly in the last decade?

So what can you do? The March of Dimes does extraordinary work to help preemies develop and grow after birth, and best of all, to help develop research and studies that can help keep babies inside their moms until they reach full term. You can learn more here: http://marchofdimes.com/prematurity/index_about.asp about how your donations can help with research, medical help, cost help, and support for preemies and their families.

My Home Is Full Of Ghosts

Oh how I love the Ghosts in my home. They don't show themselves often, but when they do, my heart stops, I take a quick breath, and my eyes tear up for only a moment as the little Ghosts I am surrounded by flit in and out of view.

I saw one today, as my son studied his toy train, in the way he tilted his head, lowered his lashes and studied his toy. A Ghost from his infanthood flashed across his face, and my heart swelled up, thinking of how, not so long ago, that beautiful look was one I saw everyday. And then it dashed away, as he glanced up at me I saw, instead of that lovely infant face, the beautiful, mischievous face of my son.

As the days number, and my sons grow older, I see more and more Ghosts. Little baby ballet hand gestures that have all but faded away, come out every so often to visit me. Sometimes I see a little laugh that reminds me of those first baby smiles, before it fades into the bigger and louder laughing fits of older children. Little tumbling waddles sneak out every so often to visit, before bursting into the full on runs my son now loves.

Yes, I am surrounded by many Ghosts. Some are Ghosts of the past, that spring into view every so often, through a look, a sigh, a snore and some are Ghosts of the future, breaking into my present world.

Those future Ghosts I am glad and sad to see, because they mean I will only have more Ghosts of the past to visit me, and some past Ghosts might start to fade completely from my view, as my sons travel further and further to their exciting futures and adulthood.

I am so joyful to see my sons accomplish new things, reach new goals, exclaim proudly, "I DID IT!!!" To meet their futures as strong, confident men, loving husbands, adoring fathers-I enjoy all these days leading to those events in their lives.

But I know, that even when they are fathers of their own, there will be Ghosts haunting me, bringing me back to the past. A look, a sigh, a laugh, somewhere at some point, the little Ghost I know so well will pop out, and I will recognize my sweet infant in the face of a strong man.

My heart will stop, I'll take a deep breath, and I'll want to cry because I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many Ghosts.

Orignally posted on 10/17/08 and submitted to Scribbit's October Write-Away Contest.

Happy Halloween!!

Becoming A Kid

My little JR is getting bigger by the minute, and I really can't believe so much time has passed. JR is 16 months now, and I really don't know how that happened. It is cliche, but true: kids grow much too quickly.

He went from this:



To this:



And all I did was blink.