Friday, October 30, 2009

My Home Is Full Of Ghosts

Oh how I love the Ghosts in my home. They don't show themselves often, but when they do, my heart stops, I take a quick breath, and my eyes tear up for only a moment as the little Ghosts I am surrounded by flit in and out of view.

I saw one today, as my son studied his toy train, in the way he tilted his head, lowered his lashes and studied his toy. A Ghost from his infanthood flashed across his face, and my heart swelled up, thinking of how, not so long ago, that beautiful look was one I saw everyday. And then it dashed away, as he glanced up at me I saw, instead of that lovely infant face, the beautiful, mischievous face of my son.

As the days number, and my sons grow older, I see more and more Ghosts. Little baby ballet hand gestures that have all but faded away, come out every so often to visit me. Sometimes I see a little laugh that reminds me of those first baby smiles, before it fades into the bigger and louder laughing fits of older children. Little tumbling waddles sneak out every so often to visit, before bursting into the full on runs my son now loves.

Yes, I am surrounded by many Ghosts. Some are Ghosts of the past, that spring into view every so often, through a look, a sigh, a snore and some are Ghosts of the future, breaking into my present world.

Those future Ghosts I am glad and sad to see, because they mean I will only have more Ghosts of the past to visit me, and some past Ghosts might start to fade completely from my view, as my sons travel further and further to their exciting futures and adulthood.

I am so joyful to see my sons accomplish new things, reach new goals, exclaim proudly, "I DID IT!!!" To meet their futures as strong, confident men, loving husbands, adoring fathers-I enjoy all these days leading to those events in their lives.

But I know, that even when they are fathers of their own, there will be Ghosts haunting me, bringing me back to the past. A look, a sigh, a laugh, somewhere at some point, the little Ghost I know so well will pop out, and I will recognize my sweet infant in the face of a strong man.

My heart will stop, I'll take a deep breath, and I'll want to cry because I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many Ghosts.

Orignally posted on 10/17/08 and submitted to Scribbit's October Write-Away Contest.

Happy Halloween!!

1 comment:

Andrea or MoM said...

I remember reading this last year and crying. Now I understand a little more, and am crying a little more. So touching!