Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Color Green

I'm feeling rather green today, and not in the best of ways. Green, usually, is a color I love, but today, I am rather embarrassed to be green.

You see, because I am a tiny bit jealous.

Actually, I am quite green with envy.

The Internet is pretty amazing, and I love it; however, today, I "ran into" an old classmate's writing on the Internet, which lead me to her blog, which then lead me to read all about the amazing writing and traveling career she has lead since I last saw her.

She's been to Ireland, Europe, India, China and Hungry. She's been on the red carpet (Yes, THAT Red Carpet). She travels all over whenever the moment strikes her. She's an editor for an amazing magazine that I love to read when I have the free time in the checkout line and the kids are being good. She has done amazing interviews with writers and authors I love reading and she wears amazing high heels to after-work functions. She has written some books and been published in newspapers.

And even though I am quite happy (and really quite overjoyed) to have children and be here at home, a tiny part of me is a little envious of the life she has; the life I gave up when I decided to stay home with kids.

Not that I would be an editor, or traveling, or writing books, but those were my goals, way back when I was in school. And perhaps, someday when the kids don't need me as much (that does happen, doesn't it? ) I can start working on those goals, again.

I'll have the time to write for fun, and work on putting down some of the stories that have swirled in my head for a number of years. Or maybe I'll get brave enough to submit some writing to a magazine or newspaper.

Or perhaps even just brush up on my English grammar and spelling rules, 'cause Lord knows my mind is a bunch of mush right now. Probably the same mush the kids turned their sandwiches into when they decided it was great fun to dump their orange juice on their plates.


But then.

Watching the kids attempt to clean up (and being oh so sweet and helping each other spread the mess around) makes me so happy I gave up other options-for them and me. Because I benefit dramatically, as well, from having them with me.

Somehow, I don't think all that traveling, interviewing, writing and fabulous shopping would be quite so fun, if I had to miss out on all of this fun.

So, I guess I am only just a little green now, and that is OK, we all encounter those moments now and then, right? All that does matter, is that nothing would make me trade what I have for anything else.

Because even if at first it may not seem like it (even to me) I do, actually, have it all.


Alexandra said...

oh I completely understand!!! I have a girlfriend who spent a year traveling in Europe and every time we talked I almost cried. lol

Our time will come :)

Katharine said...

What a beautiful post. It gets to the heart of struggles I occasionally feel too. While I loved the working world, I know that the best place in the world for me right now is at home with my kid. And I'm honestly deeply happy doing it.

Still. Sometimes...we just have to choose to be content. Good luck to us all in that!

anwesha said...

You could not be more right Michelle.I think you have a different kind of life and you might not know but there may be some who must be thinking 'wow,she has so much with her kids! She gets this chance to work from home and spend time watching her kids grow",just a teeny weeny example but I honestly think all of us have got what we need to be happy,it is all well-planned and we do have self-doubts sometimes,but we should inorder to appreciate our lives as it is.