Thursday, February 24, 2011

My Little Sister is Getting Married

Oh I am so very excited; my little sister, Julie and her long time boyfriend are FINALLY getting married. After dating 7 years and living together for most of that-it was about time! Hearing the news today got me so super excited and I actually wished I lived closer to her. She is still in our hometown, which I left at the first chance because it SNOWS waaaaaayyyyyy too much there for me.


Oh, I want to go look at wedding magazines with her and ooh and ahh over the ring and look at decorations and all that fun stuff. It would even be super fun to DD for her on her bachelorette night, since back when I got married, both my sisters and my sister in law (who were 3 of the 4 bridesmaids) were underage to even go clubbing, let alone drinking, for a night on the town. So I skipped that whole tradition. But it would be SO FUN to do it with my sister now and escort her around everywhere.

And as excited as I am that she and her great boyfriend are making it "official" now, I have to admit I am a little anxious.

I'm a little scared I won't be invited to the wedding.


My parents, I'm sure, won't want me there. It will be going on 2 years since my parents last spoke to me, and even now I'm not quite sure what happen or why they are even so mad at me, except I do know that part of it has to do with a blog post I wrote and the fact that I told them the silly fight they have been having with my Aunt, Uncle and Grandma (my mom's mom) was stupid and retarded.

It's too long of a story to go into, but essentially my mom feels she is owed part of her "inheritance" even though my Grandma is alive and kicking. Somehow Mom is convinced my Aunt has taken everything, when I know for a fact that my Aunt is actually paying out of pocket to cover care costs above and beyond what my Grandma's money,insurance, etc covers.

THAT fight broke out with great timing a few weeks before my wedding, and my parents, at the time, declared they would not come if my Aunt, Uncle and cousins came.

So I un-invited them, much to my dismay, because at the time, it was important to me to have my dad walk me down the isle. That, and my sisters both had no way to get down to where I currently live (and got married) unless my parents drove them. So, that was that, my Aunt and cousins came for a visit, didn't go to my wedding, and were gracious enough to not hold it against me.


The not speaking to me part? I wrote a blog post about how I wouldn't be using spanking-or any form of physical punishment-back before JR was even born-which is almost 3 years ago now-as a main disciplinary tactic when it came to raising my son.

My mom read it almost a year after the fact in my archives, and promptly decided she needed to start emailing my mother in law MULTIPLE times a day to explain her side of the whole stupid fight with her family, abuse she claims she went threw, and then started bringing up things from our family that I had never even discussed with my mother in law in detail, like the hitting, verbal abuse, physical abuse and mental mind games and more that went on -most I had never even mentioned to my mother in law, but then HAD to go into detail about after my mom started sending the emails.

Apparently my little innocent blog post 1 year prior had hit a never with my mom and she felt compelled to defend what she felt was rational discipline for a child like me. Because, you know, apparently spanking your daughter to the point she can't sit down is normal when said daughter is 17 years old.

That was something I had not ever mentioned to anyone before, but mom felt compelled to tell my mother in law about it from her perspective, which just caused me to have to talk about it and other things with my husband's family. That was fun, sigh.

After calling my parents to plead with them to please leave my mother in law alone, and to quit the stupid emails, my dad had the audacity to claim he had never touched me. Seriously, I thought my brain had snapped when he said it, and I hung up on him. I had to then call my sisters to confirm that I wasn't crazy and that things I remembered did actually happen.

My parents and I haven't spoken since, and they actually went through the trouble of changing their phone number, (though I don't know if it was because of me or other reasons, but my sisters have been informed not to give any of their new numbers to me, another sigh).


Today I kick myself for bending to my parent's silly demands at my wedding, especially now that they no longer speak to me and think I'm just the most horrible person on Earth. My mom has even told my sisters that she has no grandchildren, which really upsets me more than the not speaking to me part.

Honestly, my life is in much greater harmony not having to figure them out any more. But I do hate it for my children, and I debate about what I will say when they finally figure out that most people have TWO, if not more, sets of grandparents. Like I said, long story, and I explained more than I meant to.

Anyways, back to my little sister's awesome news!

I'm super thrilled for her, and hope she'll ask me to be a part of the big day, if not just a guest. I'm already giddy thinking about my in law's watching the kids while Bill and I go explore Asheville with my other sister and her boyfriend over the fun wedding weekend.

But, my fear is that my sister will be plunged into a similar choice between having me or our parents at her wedding, and I can honestly say I understand if she chooses having mom and dad there instead.

I'll be super sad, and a little hurt, but I know too just how upsetting, anxiety building and panic creating all the stupid chaos and drama my parents can bring-and I don't want for the world to have any thing happen that would "ruin" my sister's huge day-one that she certainly has been dreaming of for a very long time and deserves to enjoy without any hitches. I don't want to be the reason she is anxious and have her panicking over how my parents will behave if Bill and I are there. For my part, we plan to just ignore them and have fun, which I doubt will be hard, since I'm sure they would just ignore me as well.


But I don't know. So, those are the thoughts swirling in my head right now. I'm excited for Julie, but I am a little nervous to see if she will want me there. I'm hoping so, but I understand if she doesn't.

1 comment:

Caitlin said...

Oh dear. First, congrats to Julie! That is exciting. I hear there have been a lot of engagements for you guys recently!

Second, I'm really, really sorry about the parent drama. I don't fully understand (because my parents are awesome) but I can empathize because of what we go through with John's family; like not being invited to his grandmother's 80th birthday (the only people in the whole family not invited) because my in laws held it at their house. It really drives me nuts that supposed "adults" act more like tantrum throwing 3 year olds when they don't get their way. Love you guys!!!