Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I Have Failed

I have wanted to adopt since I was a little girl. We have planned for years to someday achieve that goal, and I'm SO excited to have the ball rolling on it.

But, even with all the preparation, reading, classes and support groups we have attended about adoption and adoption issues, I still failed my daughter the other night.

See, I shared a photo of the Princess we are trying to adopt, her lovely, huge brown eyed photo.

And my friend laughed and said she would fit in with the Mexicans near us. My friend laughed that we had sent our college themed shirt for her-laughed that all the Mexicans wear college themed shirts just to fit in but they don't know what the shirts say either.

And I could feel myself blush, and stutter and I couldn't  make eye contact. I didn't know what to say. So I put away her photo and I made my excuses to leave.

So many times I had envisioned standing up for her, and giving people looks of death that would let them know thy had crossed the line of mama bear. I had snarky, witty and mean, come backs ready for any strangers that dared to be rude to my Princess.

But I never envisioned a dear, close friend saying that, or even that it would hurt so badly and leave me so tongue tied and worst, left me silent.

I completely failed our Princess, because I let someone get away with belittling her because of how she looks. And not just anyone, but a friend we have had for over 12 years. And I regret that so much, I wish I had known something to say, something to convey that those comments were unacceptable. That she is MINE and will have MY last name; she is OUR family and that our friendship will be done if those comments are ever made again.

I totally failed the test.

But I will be better prepared next time and it won't happen again.

I promise.

No comments: