Tuesday, November 5, 2013

See You In Heaven

Grandma at around my age. She is so beautiful. 
My Grandma died on November 3rd. I'm terribly sad; yet happy she is no longer in pain. She has been in a lot of pain for quite some time, her little body fighting off multiple cancers and finally pneumonia. I'm glad she is healthy again, talking with God, and seeing Grandpa-who died when I was in 7th grade-again.

My Texas grandparents were just the best.

 I remember Grandma's house always smelling like bacon and bread. And she made the best fried eggs ever. I remember my Grandpa's pipe and that he always hide bubble gum-the GOOD kind, Wrigley's spearmint!- in the clothes Grandma would buy us.

I remember Grandma always being so fun and hugging on us and loving on us and reading us stories. I loved her hugs and the way she smelled like cooking. I loved how Grandpa would yell at the baseball game and then shrug when his team lost and ask who needed ice cream.

Being with them was the best and I was so heartbroken when my mom and dad cut off communication with them. It wasn't until much later, as an adult, that I reached back out and got to talk to everyone in Texas again. And that loss of time makes me sad. I wish things with my parents were different. It is a long story to even try to explain. But I wish they could stop leading the emotionally crazy life they do, And I wish that my mom and Grandma had talked before she died.

Apparently a hospice nurse told my awesome aunt that Grandma had called her my mom's name, and told her she forgave her all the things my mom had done, and loved her and hoped they could talk. God bless that nurse, because she went along with pretending to be my mom, and gave my Grandma a hug and told her she was sorry and didn't want to fight anymore.

My Grandma died the next day. I'm so grateful to that nurse. And so sad that my mom has missed the chance to reconcile with her mom. I'm sad that she and dad are in the situation they are in, but also so glad that I am an adult and they are no longer a chaotic tornado in my life I'm grateful that none of my children will ever experience the chaotic childhood I did.

I'm flying down Thursday for the service and staying with my Aunt Marla and Uncle Bruce. I'm excited to see everyone, as it has been a couple of years since I last saw everyone, even though it will be sad to see the final celebration of Grandma's life and put her to rest next to Grandpa.

I wish Grandma could have met our little Princess. My Grandma had beautiful brown skin and dark dark eyes and huge dimples when she smiled. My Grandma was 1/2 Navaho and 1/2 Mexican and she loved how much our girl looked like her. My Grandma had been so excited about us adopting a little girl, and thought our Princess was beautiful. I really wish, of all things, that Grandma could have seen our girl get home.

And on another note, my very favorite Aunt Marla happens to share names with the wonderful young lady that is caring for our Princess now, so Bill and I have very much though it would be awesome to make our Princess's middle name Marla-Rose, as a beautiful nod to family love from both sides of the world.

My Grandma thought that would be a perfect name to add to our girl's beautiful first name.

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