Adoption Scares

We have started the adoption journey rather slowly-in fact, we are STILL waiting to find out if our application to even adopt the waiting child we are trying to adopt has been approved.....and we did our application a good month ago.

So, I guess it is good practice for all the waiting that will be coming up, eh?

Anyways, in the meantime, I have been reading everything and anything about adoption of toddlers, since our little Princess will be just over 2 1/2 by the time we can go get her. That is, IF the timeline goes as quickly as our agency predicted, once we finally hear if we are approved. It might be only 10 months once we find out if we are approved, since she is a waiting child with moderate special needs, but then, most people seem to have had a few years of waiting, so who knows, right?

But, back to what I have been reading. Our agency has a book list they recommend, so I have been going through the entire list one by one. Most have been so inspiring to read, like Orphanology, and others sound like they were written by spoiled brats, like Twenty Things Adoptive Kids With Their Adoptive Parents Knew, and then others, like Toddler Adoption, have me scared.

Like seriously scared.


There are SO many things I had not thought about toddler adoption. Like attachment issues, and discipline that normally works for toddlers apparently isn't good for the newly adopted toddler-like time out. And independence isn't a good sign. And you want them to grieve, but you want them to be able to say goodbye and see their caregiver give approval of you, so they can then attach to you....what if that doesn't happen?

What if we have a child that won't attach?

The author has a ton of ideas and tips on how to approach it, but the thought is actually overwhelming-especially since this author indicated that older toddlers-like 2 to 4-have the worst time of forming a new attachment, especially if they have never attached to anyone before.

So while I am waiting to hear from our agency today (fingers crossed) if our application is approved or not, and that we are clear to start our homestudy, I will just be trying to wrap my head around the worst case scenario of what our Princess might have been through, and how her behavior will be.

It is really scary to think about our child hating us and wanting to hurt us, but I think we are up to the challenge. I think we can help her trust us.

I think. And hope.


*and just so you know, the "Twenty things..." book did have some really good points to make, but overall the author's personal stories had the tone of a very spoiled, over indulged child blaming all her life mistakes on the fact she was adopted, when to me, it seemed like most of her issues and mistakes as an adult and teen resulted from a lack of directional discipline from parents that instead gave into and feed her every whim. I don't quite agree with her that someone adopted as a newborn is going to have a primal wound that will never heal.....I think a child's reaction to their adoption has to do very much with how open and age appropriate the parents are with sharing information and allowing periods of grief at stages of life, but still treating that child as a child you must rise into an empathetic, loving, strong and self sufficient adult. *

I See The Light

Summer has offically ended for me. Little Dude is in preschool, our little neighbors started REAL school, and now JR's preschool starts today. (JR is going one day a week, that is all I could handle, with Little Dude being gone 3 days already).

So now, for Wednesday mornings, it is just me and Champ.

And part of me wants to soak up every minute I get with JUST him, but then, another part of me starts a HUGE list of what I could maybe get cleaned, wiped, dusted, worked, DONE while my other two tornadoes are gone at school.

My compromise? Oh yes, my good friend saves me-my Mei Tai. I love it, and will be spending today working on the computer, doing laundry, mopping, and maybe even FOLDING laundry-while Champ snuggles close in my Baby Hawk.

And now, a random cute photo of Champ sleeping during our walk yesterday: 

Living With Boys

I grew up in a house of girls.

The majority of my childhood my dad was off traveling for work, so we really only saw him on Saturdays and Sundays before he would be taking off again for the next week.

So yes, it was 4 women, and thus there were lots of Barbie play, tea parties, dress up, and makeup demos. I would even play with all my baby dolls and pretend they were my daughters and take them for grand walks in the woods and tea parties under the huge pine tree with my sisters.

I didn't even have any cousins or neighbors nearby, so beyond interacting with boys at school (which, of course, could give you cooties until late middle school/high school) I had NO idea what kind of play my boys would do.

They have quickly informed me though, about how BOYS play, much to my dismay.

You see, there are no quiet tea parties going on in our play kitchen. NOOOOO.

Instead, they are building bombs to get bad buys, poisoning food to get bad guys, and cooking stuff they declare to be better than the veggies I try to stuff in them on a daily occurrence. Usually all this cooking goes on with quite a LOUD fan fare; the results usually have food thrown about everywhere, the play table turned topsey turvy, and an impromptu battle against bad guys takes place involving the poor play cupcakes.

Occasionally they will take the baby doll we have on a ride in the grocery cart, but usually the baby gets covered in items they pick up around the playroom, like the play food, blankets, baskets, and trains, and when they are done, she is usually tossed into the play oven.

I am a bit worried about their future parenting techniques.

Needless to say, I am a bit out of water with boy stuff. Most of what they play makes me cringe and I often find myself repeating:

Calm Down!
Slow Down!
Be Careful!
Be Gentle!!
Don't Throw THAT!
Don't Jump On Your Brother!
NOT IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS!!!

Those are pretty much all the phrases I need to get through my day.

Lately, their new game is "wreaking ball".

What, may you ask, is wreaking ball?

It is when one guy stands braced in the doorway and the other one RUNS at him AS FAST AS HE CAN and attempts to knock down the guy in the doorway.

The first time they played it a few nights ago, I didn't quite realize what they were doing, because all I caught were glimpses of them as they ran by the kitchen, and then I would hear hysterical laughter, so I figured all was good.

Parenting mistake number one-o-one: I should have remembered that just as equally dangerous as silence is hysterical laughter.

Later, when Bill got home he saw what they were doing and thought it was fantastic, and when I asked for more details on why he thought them running down the hall was so great, he pulled me out to the living room to show me the impact moment.

It was quite lucky Bill was there because I just about lost it.

I mean, really, THAT is a GAME? And they kept taking turns and doing it over and over and over....and over.

I was certain someone was going to get seriously injured and wanted to put a stop to it; however, Bill reminded me to step back and let them be; they are boys.

Which, I trust my husband with, since he and his brother were, apparently, just like these guys.

And they WERE having fun. And taking turns. And Sharing. And getting energy out.

It was just giving me a heartattack to watch, because, after all, it was a lot of WORK and PAIN to get those guys into this world, so I certainly don't want them to break each other.

So I had to go to something a bit more calm, like washing dishes.

We Don't Eat Babies

So, part of the fun of having little kids is all the fun things they say! Even when they say these super fun things at somewhat embarrassing times.

Like when you are at the park and your son keeps talking about blood and how he likes blood and how he wishes he could see it move around the body. (And you are the only one that realizes the fascination with blood is from seeing Mom give blood earlier, while everyone else in the park just thinks your kid is *creepy*)

Or like, how your other son thinks the word "dukie" is the MOST HILARIOUS EVER and continues to yell it and laugh hysterically while your are trying hard to find the best deal on bread.

Or perhaps how, while you are cooking dinner, you see one boy run by screaming and wielding what looks like his plastic golf club, only to see the other dash by, also screaming, and holding stuffed num-chucks over his head. All of which sends you to retreat further into the kitchen, because you just DON'T WANT TO KNOW what they are doing.

Or, our current favorite, is if you and your husband are sharing a special moment, talking about how you have a bun in the oven and rubbing a still sorta flat belly, your eldest will walk up and declare loudly:

MOMMY!! DADDY!!! Do we EAT BABIES in THIS family???!! NOOOO! We do NOT eat Babies!! In some families? MAYBE, but NOT this one!!

Then he may or may not cross his arms and glare at you for even CONSIDERING having a Bun, er, Baby, in the oven.

And where do you even start to explain how that phrase came about, because seriously, I need to know.

Because, you see, we REALLY do have a little bun in the oven, all set to finish cooking in April!!! YAYAYAY!!!

We will soon be a family of 5!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

The Countdown

This weekend is another birthday.






My baby is almost two. He refuses to sit in a high chair and wants to sit on the potty whenever his brother does.

He tells jokes, even with his limited vocabulary-and that is growing by leaps and bounds daily. Right now the word poop is hilarious to him; I love how he throws his head back to laugh. He will put on Mommy's shoes and call them Daddy's shoes, and then throw his head back to laugh. His favorite word and color is yellow.

He told me happy birthday yesterday, and I love you too comes out as "I ov oo too".

I love you, JR; I am so glad God is letting me keep you for a bit.

Love always,
Mommy

Do You Have A Licence for That Light Saber?

Little Dude is slightly obsessed with Star Wars right now. Everything, including food, can transform into a light saber; we've had a few talks about how food can't be a light saber, no matter how powerful his imagination.

Food is for eating. I find myself saying that an awful lot, but I digress.

For the past month or so, Star Wars has been a daily activity here, so much so that just yesterday JR-who is not even 2 yet-was walking around with a toy broom making light saber sounds. "Vmmmmm, Bvmmmmm Shooosh Vmmmmm". Oh yes, the kid is just now starting to talk-when he feels like it, I might add-but he knows how a light saber works. And he can say BLUE when you ask him what color is light saber is. He already picked up on Blue being the color of choice for his brother.

So with all this playing, you would think we had seen the movies a million times, right?

Wrong.

We had not seen the movies even once with the kids. Everything Little Dude and JR know about Star Wars they learned from the neighborhood boys. In fact, the whole reason we decided to watch them was because Little Dude was starting to make up his own plot line to the story and I couldn't figure out what a Tarn Tarn was.

We have made it through the first two and I'm actually looking forward to watching the third (we are talking the original three here) because I think the boys will really dig the bears. I know they are called something else, but that word escapes me at the moment; you know what I mean.

So for the time being, my family is made up of Darth Vader, played by Bill, Princess Leia, played by me, Luke, played by Little Dude and either Yoda aka "O-da" or another Luke, played by JR.

Oh yes, we are quite the characters.

Words

JR has words coming faster and faster now. His list includes words with rather enchanting Antonio Bandaris sounding r's, like "trrrrruck" and "rrrrrink" for drink. He has "Mama", "Dada", his brother's name, his name, "Papa" for grandpa, and "Mapa" for grandma.

There is also: Ice, aqua, car, choo cho (for train), eat, cheese, food, cupcake, ummy (yummy), ooooda (yoda-encouraged by all the neighborhood boy's obsession with star wars), park, go, stop, mine, me, you, please, yellow, blue, milk, and, of course, NOOOOOO.

Words are coming quickly, and the sign language is starting to end, though when he REALLY wants something he will say PLEASE and sign it at the same time. That is so very cute that is it hard to say no.

When to do Bunk Beds

My youngest will be 2 in June, and even though the boys have their own rooms now, I would like to give birth to or adopt a third child of our own someday in the future.

So, we are thinking of going ahead and moving the boys into one room, and letting them share bunk beds.

But I am wondering, when is a good age for sleeping on the top bunk? Little Dude will be 4 in September, and he climbs REALLY well-he can climb all the playground equipment with the best of the monkeys.

So I think he is ready, but I am a little worried about JR trying to climb up and getting stuck or falling off the ladder.

Are there certain types of bunk beds that have easier ladders, or brands that anyone can suggest for withstanding the play and sleep of two preschoolers? Does anyone even have suggestions on how to make this transition?

Should we have the bunk beds for a bit, with Little Dude on the bottom, before we move JR into the room and Little Dude to the top? Or should Little Dude always be on the top?

Any thoughts or advice?

LIttle Boy Blue

So everyone knows we had a huge house of sick here last week and some of the week before. And after a few days, everyone was better, except JR.

In fact, JR just kept getting worse. His diarrhea got worse, his eating went down, and even thought he was active, he just wasn't quite himself.

While we were at the doctor's, the boys were found to have double ear infections, so both are still on meds for that-however; JR is allergic to what is normally given, so he got a different med.

And somehow everyone failed to mention that the new med would cause him diarrhea.

So, on top of having the tummy virus, he also was on meds that would increase his diarrhea. But of course, since I didn't know what, I was freaking out and very concerned.

We were all set to go to the doctor yesterday afternoon, when yesterday morning, I noticed JR was turning blue. He was breathing fine, and walking around and playing like normal-but his lips were a deep, dark blue, and his hands and legs had a blue tent. He was also cool to the touch, whereas the other two kids were warm. (We were running errands when this happened, so I couldn't check his temp)

So, off we rushed to the hospital-and then found out that his oxygen was good, but his core temp was lower than it should have been. After a lot of exams there weren't many answers, but the culprit seems to be that he was dehydrated.

Que the mommy guilt.

Even though we did have him drinking electrolytes, it wasn't enough to make up for what he had lost -and at this point I found out he was over his virus, but now everything was caused by the medication he was on.

So, another new medication, some pro biotics medication to replace the good bacteria in his tummy that the other medicine had killed (and which is why he was having diarrhea) and a ton of electrolyte drink. I have seriously been forcing the drinks on him; I have no desire to see him turn blue again.

And that concludes my day yesterday.

Oh, and earlier in the day I found out I need reading glasses, which will be coming in a week in a half! That I am actually excited about, because working has been giving me huge headaches and it turns out my eyes were just working too hard looking at the computer screen. Now I just have to come up with an idea on how to keep up with them, since I will only need them for reading....

First Day On The Job

Today is my first day as nanny to the amazing Emily. So far, no one wanted to eat the breakfast I made (granted it was oatmeal, but I did put brown sugar on it). I also already played with Emily's hair (yippiee!)

Right now everyone is playing super nicely. At the moment they are playing Little Dude's FAVORITE game-and my least favorite game-trash truck. It involves turning his bed into a trash truck.

Doesn't sound so bad, you say?

Well, part of being a trash truck is having trash, so Little Dude, JR and Emily are gathering all the toys in Little Dude's room and dumping them on the bed/trash truck. Always a pain to clean because it takes the kids FOREVER to do it. But, that is part of the deal, they want to play trash truck, there is no other fun until it is cleaned up, and they have to do it all themselves.

For the most part they do a fantastic job of getting things back where they go.

Anyways, the first day, so far, is going well. I can tell I'll be flying through the milk and bread, so today or tomorrow will have to involve a grocery run. We spent the weekend at my in-laws, and I failed to remember I would be going through the rest of our bread today just for sandwiches at lunch.

I'll let you know tomorrow how having three all day goes.

Raising Two

Right now, my life is pretty busy.

We have a toddler who eats us out of house and home. Seriously. See his shirt?


Really though, JR eats everything in sight. I think he'd eat the baseboards if he thought we'd let him. The other day I was sweeping up food from the kitchen floor (You now know my kitchen floor has food on it. Yes, it often DOES) and he GRABBED something and ATE IT. It happen faster than I could think. How gross. (Mental note I need to clean the floor more regularly).

What else keeps me on my toes?

My adorable Prince Charming. (You can't see his shirt in this photo, but it does, in fact say, Prince Charming, so it is officially true.)


Little Dude gets braver and bigger by the minute and amazes me more and more with his worldly observations. Like yesterday, after I lectured him forever about how he shouldn't treat his toys badly because there are hungry, starving, cold people out there, he innocently asked me, "Momma, why don't we let them live here, then they can be warm, eat all the food and they can pick up my toys!"

So wise for 3.

Parenting is the best job in the world, and when it is done well, it is also one of the hardest in the world and I am glad for every minute, even the gross ones.

s

Being Grateful

My friend, Heather, got to be a part of a video on how to teach your children to be grateful. The video is GREAT, so you should check it out:



What are some of the things you want to do or have done? Every year, our church raises funds for feeding and helping local people in need-and in the case of Haiti, sending food, resources, and personal help. So this year, we let the kids be a part of our contribution.

At first, it was hard for Little Dude to pick out things to give to children in need or food for those that are hungry. The one thing that helped him find it fun was we reminded him that we could buy more. We are blessed and can go to the store anytime we want. Others are cold and don't have beds tonight.

So, Little Dude helped me pick food out of our pantry and set aside some toys and books that we could give to those that need. We also let him and JR put extra money in the basket when it came around for Haiti donations, and we explained to them that this money was to help all the people that needed food and shelter after the earthquake. And we told him, that someday, if we need help, people will be there to help us. So as long as we are able, we need to do our part and do as much as we can to help. I think he understood a little and I think it made him feel good to know he could help in such a huge way.

When Little Dude and JR are old enough, we want to have them help with Habitat for Humanity, too. It is something I did while I was in college, and along with learning great skills, it really makes you appreciate what goes into a home and providing shelter for someone.

What Are Twins Like

I might start watching a friend's little girl weekdays to help cut their day care costs in half. And a little extra money is always nice, right? So, all in all it is a great solution for them and a nice little bit of extra money for us. But I do have to admit I am a little bit nervous.

Emily is only 2 months older than my JR, so, in a way, I'll find out what it is like to have twin toddlers. Emily is talking more than JR, so that is nice, and hopefully soon they will both have enough vocabulary that tantrums can be worked out or avoided quickly. And even though I did work at a daycare and take care of three little guys that were all the same age; somehow knowing that I still need to get things done around the house-and get grocery trips done, or get everyone loaded up to go to the park-has me running plays in my head on how to best organize everything, so when the big day comes, and I take ALL THREE out with me, I will be relaxed.

I do think though, that I might sign up to use the Lowe's Foods online grocery shopping and I will definitely be utilizing the bag boys to help me carry groceries to the car. Do you tip them for that?

Does anyone have advice for how to best get out and about with three kids three and under? Our area parks are great, with a lot of open space between play areas, so there will be no risk of one getting way from the play without me noticing.

It is going to be so fun to have a little girl to play with-and I think it will be good for the boys to have to share with a guest on a daily basis. I think also, for the first few weeks Emily comes to play with us, at least, that all three will be pretty entertained with each other and rediscovering the toys.

Now if only it would quick raining and storming so I can make sure all three of them get to run wild in our backyard. Can you imagine three of them cooped up in the house
for a few days? The horror.I think I'll be looking into that family membership for Marbles, too.

Potty Training Poop Issues? Try Fiber Gummies

Potty training is a not-so-fun part of parenting. Sure, then they make it into the potty, or get there in time, it is super exciting. But when they don't and pee on the floor? Or worse, POOP their pants as you are RUNNING for a potty? Yea, I have been there.

I also have FINALLY overcome the final road block our family was facing with Little Dude's potty training: His fear of pooping.

Yes, I know, my son was afraid to poop. And I have no idea how that started, or what I did in the potty training process to cause this fear, but for MONTHS he has been holding in his poop for A WEEK AT A TIME. So then, when he finally couldn't put off pooping anymore, it DID hurt, because he was just, well, backed up SO MUCH.

So, we took him to the doctor, we've had him on laxatives, but ever time we started to wean him off the laxatives (which we had to do-we couldn't keep him on them forever, or that will cause a whole different problem) he would go right back to being scared to poop. I almost think it was because the laxatives made everything SUPER soft, so when it started to go back to being more normal and solid, he would be scared and fight it.

And even though Little Dude is usually a decent eater, it seems like any time of fiber rich food-fruit, veggies, what have you, Little Dude just isn't getting enough. (obviously, since he has so much trouble) But try as we might to increase his consumption, he just picks at the extra food, or won't touch it at all. It has been very frustrating!

I know, too much info, eh? But surely I'm not the only one out there with a kid that hates to poop? Or am I? I dunno...

Anyways, I have GREAT news now to share, and I owe it a lot to the invention of gummie vitamins! There are gummy FIBER vitamins, and we tried the Pedia-Lax Fiber Gummies, to great success! We are now able to guarantee Little Dude is getting enough fiber to ensure he has enough fiber in his system for easy poops. We have been laxative free and pooping easily every day for the last 3 weeks-OH I am excited, because that is a record for us! And I have been looking over my poop chart for him (I mark a calender, yes, I know, maybe too much info) and it has been MONTHS since Little Dude pooped everyday for a week straight, let alone everyday for 3 weeks straight.

And you know what? Saturday he pooped two good poops! IN THE SAME DAY. I am so excited. You just don't know!

So, I really hope this info helps any of you that might be facing the same issue (or if you haven't gone through the potty training phase yet, it could be handy to keep this in the back of your head).

January is also Fiber Focus Month, and you can learn even more about how important fiber is to a healthy body, get fiber recipe ideas, a food journal and poop chart go to www.fibergummies.com and become a fan of Pedia-Lax Fiber Gummies on Facebook.

I also have a bottle of the Fiber Gummies to give away! If you would like to try a bottle of Pedia-Lax Fiber Gummies, leave me a comment below. Make sure I have a way to contact you so I can get your mailing address if you win.

Priceless

Come back! Get out of there! WHAT are you doing? WHY are you wet? Is that...good God, NO!

NO!!! Give that back to your brother! DON'T BITE your brother!! GET IN THE CORNER!

Those are some the things I heard my husband telling our sons this morning, as he gave me some "mommy free time" to catch up on work.

Having Bill home for the WHOLE week is just amazing and wonderful and way better than winning the lottery.

But the best part?

Having him realize that all those days we would talk on the phone, and he'd ask what I had done for the day-only to have me go "Ummmm, let me see, surely something..ummm...I guess nothing so far" -I was in fact doing something.

Yea, that is priceless.

Late Nights

Since September, Bill has been commuting back and forth from Alabama to NC every two weeks.

We initially decided for the kids and me to stay in NC after Little Dude's birthday because we thought Bill would be done and able to be back home by the begining of Oct.

But each time the deadline would arrive, something would happen and his "done date" would be extended a few more weeks. Just short enough of a time for us to decide that packing the kids and ALL their stuff to back to AL wouldn't be worth it. Yet long enough, that now, after a few times of that happening, we are in Dec. and still doing the every-other-weekend-visit thing.

And a side effect of that has been that I have not been sleeping so well at night. It just takes me forever to fall asleep, so I usually just stay up and work, though tonight I didn't, even though it would have been a good chance to get ahead. I got sucked in by "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" . That show is so ridiculous it is impossible to not watch. How in the world are there THAT many women who don't realize a baby is kicking them? One of the girls tonight even say SHE DIDN'T USE ANY BIRTH CONTROL AT ALL. And just thought her missed period and weight gain was stress. Wow. Anyways.

So, now I am debating going back to Alabama after Christmas, if Bill ends up thinking he will be there longer. I really don't think I can do too many more months of single parenting. If I worked a real job where I got to TALK to ADULTS for a period of time, I'd be fine.

But staying at home all day with the kids-while super fun and a huge blessing MOST of the time-can be a little draining on my need for some social interaction that doesn't involve Thomas the Train or "I POOPED!" conversations with my 3 year old. Though Little Dude's conversations are great for some laughs later on my end, they can sometimes drag out for a looooonnnnggg tiiiiimmmmmeee, just to get one thought across, and there are 103 more thoughts right behind it going equally as slowly, and often not even on the same subject. You have to wait for it; by the end he ties it all together, sometimes.

Chaos

In college, I majored in English. That doesn't mean I am a particularly good writer, or even understand all grammar rules; however, it does mean I have a very deep fondness for the English language-especially alliteration (the repetition of usually initial consonant sounds in two or more neighboring words or syllables). When I was trying to come up for a name for my blog I racked my brain trying to think of some catchy title that played on alliteration. Thus Coordinated Chaos came to be.

But I had no idea, back then when I had just one tiny baby, just HOW MUCH chaos would be taking over my house.

Like today. The kids were eating jelly toast when I realized I had not taken the trash to the curb yet-the realization brought on by the sound of the trash truck rumbling down the road. So, out the door I flew.

And in the process of dragging the heavy trash can (super heavy today because our old mail box and post are in it, yes I did that project Sunday)I put a *tiny* scratch in Bill's truck, right near the headlight. It is maybe an inch and really light, but still, I feel retarded. Who can't move a trash can without running into a truck? Only me. Anyways.

In the time it took me to drag the trash and recycling to the curb-which I made it just as the truck stopped to grab my cans-the kids proceeded to cover my floor and table with jam and toast crumbs. When I say covered, I mean COVERED. Yea, I was dumb and left the jam jar on the table, just ENTICING the kids to dump it out and smear it around. I haven't cleaned it up yet because I just don't even know where to start. If I ignore it, the mess will go away, right?

Then, in the time it took me to get the sheets, towels and clothes from my room down to the laundry room for washing, the boys had taken the CLEAN clothes I'd brought up, THROWN them around the living room and dinning room and THEN filled up that laundry basket with my VERY OLD book collection that used to belong to Bill's Grandpa, and Bill's Dad gave to me when he discovered I had actually read (and love) most of the classics.

I finally got all of that cleaned up, only to discover Little Dude and JR had taken all of JR's toys from his room and put them in a huge pile on the closet floor. All. of. the. toys.

So now the kids are watching some TV-and actually sitting still-while I work up the courage to tackle the kitchen mess. And what time is it? 10am? Since it is completely muddy, nasty and cold outside, we won't be leaving the house to burn off energy unless I pay for us to go somewhere OR just go for a walk. Which I think we will do as soon as I finish cleaning the kitchen, if for no other reason than to keep another disaster from happening.

But hey, at least we are all dressed.

My Home Is Full Of Ghosts

Oh how I love the Ghosts in my home. They don't show themselves often, but when they do, my heart stops, I take a quick breath, and my eyes tear up for only a moment as the little Ghosts I am surrounded by flit in and out of view.

I saw one today, as my son studied his toy train, in the way he tilted his head, lowered his lashes and studied his toy. A Ghost from his infanthood flashed across his face, and my heart swelled up, thinking of how, not so long ago, that beautiful look was one I saw everyday. And then it dashed away, as he glanced up at me I saw, instead of that lovely infant face, the beautiful, mischievous face of my son.

As the days number, and my sons grow older, I see more and more Ghosts. Little baby ballet hand gestures that have all but faded away, come out every so often to visit me. Sometimes I see a little laugh that reminds me of those first baby smiles, before it fades into the bigger and louder laughing fits of older children. Little tumbling waddles sneak out every so often to visit, before bursting into the full on runs my son now loves.

Yes, I am surrounded by many Ghosts. Some are Ghosts of the past, that spring into view every so often, through a look, a sigh, a snore and some are Ghosts of the future, breaking into my present world.

Those future Ghosts I am glad and sad to see, because they mean I will only have more Ghosts of the past to visit me, and some past Ghosts might start to fade completely from my view, as my sons travel further and further to their exciting futures and adulthood.

I am so joyful to see my sons accomplish new things, reach new goals, exclaim proudly, "I DID IT!!!" To meet their futures as strong, confident men, loving husbands, adoring fathers-I enjoy all these days leading to those events in their lives.

But I know, that even when they are fathers of their own, there will be Ghosts haunting me, bringing me back to the past. A look, a sigh, a laugh, somewhere at some point, the little Ghost I know so well will pop out, and I will recognize my sweet infant in the face of a strong man.

My heart will stop, I'll take a deep breath, and I'll want to cry because I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many Ghosts.

Orignally posted on 10/17/08 and submitted to Scribbit's October Write-Away Contest.

Happy Halloween!!

A Lesson In Death

Rest in Peace, Red.


Red, our fish, has passed.

His death actually occurred a month ago, but I am just now getting around to writing about it. Why did he die? Not really sure, all I can tell you is that he had not had his water changed in 3 weeks (I'll blame unpacking from the move for my lazy-ness), it was getting GROSS, so I changed it into nice, clean water that I had treated and had set out to get to room temp for two days.

The next morning our dear Red was floating upside down, though luckily I noticed before I let Little Dude feed him.

So then the debate started-how to tell Little Dude. I called Bill, and we discussed the options. Buy a new fish and try to make the switcher-roo? Buy a new fish and then tell him, while he has a new fish to look at? Not get another fish?

We went in circles for a bit, and finally decided to explain that Red had gotten old (I decided against telling Little Dude it was probably my awesome tank cleaning skills that had killed Red) and Red's spirit went to live with God. We decided just being upfront and honest about the death would be for the best.

Little Dude took it quite well, asking if God had a fish tank for Red,(I said yes, a really great one) and asked what we should do with Red. So, I offered holding a funeral and celebrating Red going to heaven with a song.

Red the Fish left us via the toilet and a rendition of "Thomas and Friends", the Little Dude version.

Then, since Little Dude was a little sad after that, I asked if he would like to pick out another pet fish. That perked him right up.

Red the Second joined our family from Pet Smart, and though he is blue, Little Dude declared his name needed to be Red the Second, and so we are calling him Red for short.

So far, my weekly water changing has not killed Red the Second, so we are doing well.

Meeting in Real Life

Yesterday was so fun, because I got to meet Abby and Linus from My Sweet Babboo! We met up at the Marbles Kid's Museum, here in Raleigh and had a blast. Abby is one super sweet, awesome lady with the most adorable curly haired two year old I have ever met. I am super glad we were able to coordinate a playdate and I am looking forward to getting together again in the future!

Another plus? JR didn't lose it at the museum. He was fantastic and at some points even walked away from me (though he would look back, slyly smiling, just to check on me). I think we was in love with Abby, too, because he kept wanting to share the trains at the train tables with her. And he was making his little google-y eyes that he usually reserves for getting his way.

So, not only did the kids have a great time playing and running all around, but us moms got to chat and get to know each other outside of the blog world! Super fun! I was also super relieved JR was peachy good the whole time; I really was worried about him having some meltdowns, but apparently a trip to Marbles was all he needed. If you have never been to Marbles, you simply MUST take your kid. It is $5.00/person and so long as you are out of the crawling stage, it is fantastic. We could spend a whole day there.

After Marbles, JR continued to be golden and played quite well while I tried to catch up on cleaning and laundry, not minding the least bit that I would leave the room from time to time...thank heavens!

So apparently all you need to cure separation anxiety is a trip to Marbles and a fun visit with Linus!