Coming Back To Blogging

I'm coming back to blogging. It has been quite a bit of time since my last post, and while it still hurts to realize adoption from India just wasn't in the stars for us, it has been exciting to see where our journey took us.

I have made so many friends in the adoption "world" and love every one of them so much. We also became sponsors for three little girls in India! I don't have any photos in a format I can add to the blog at the moment, but I'll get some going. The oldest I'll call Grace ,and she is 9, then there is Princess, who we now partially sponsor again since we are no longer adopting her and she is now 5 (CRAZY), and then I'll call the youngest Faith, who is 2.

I have their photos in the hallway of our home, and the boys have been helping lead prayers for them. We have permission to write N letters, so I will be having the boys do that. I'm very excited to watch our girls grow and see how the little extra we have can change their lives. It is exciting and humbling.

We moved! We had long talked about wishing for this and that and this and that at our old house, but for the 3 years of adoption limbo, we couldn't move, and then when we decided to step away, it suddenly hit us that we could, indeed move and that suddenly we had extra funds now that we no longer had to save every penny for adoption legal fees.

We are loving our new home. We are in a much bigger home with all the features (like extra bathrooms! and a garage!) that we had been wishing for in our old home. We are also on a cul-de-sac at the back of a neighborhood, so we have no traffic ever and there are 7 or 8 boys all my boys ages that live right on our street. Needless to say, it is AWESOME and has been such a great change for us.

Our old house we turned into an investment home and now rent to a sweet young family. We are doing well with that investment,and are quite pleased to realize our second rental home is creating a little pocket of income for us, too!

JR is playing the cello and Little Dude is playing piano. It is wonderful to hear and I love it so so SO much. They are enjoying it a lot too, and that makes my heart so super happy. I hope I can get Champ to also to play music in a few years. I would love for them all to be able to read and enjoy music, even if they don't stick with it in any serious way.

In fun news, I found out I'll be an Aunt soon, and I am thrilled at the thought of a little baby to hold. He or she will be here in October, so I CAN NOT WAIT!

In other fun news, we are officially trying to have another baby and I have to admit, it is super fun to be off birth control and just wait to see what is planned. We will see!

So, for now, that is all the update I can do, but I will be back soon.

Mothers Day

This Mother's Day was the best ever. It really was just amazing. I woke up to my husband making french toast (and even the huge treat of him having cleaned up ALL the mess from it too! I am married to a gem, folks!)

While Bill finished up breakfast, Little Dude brought me coffee and informed me I had to lay on the couch and read.

Which I did. And it was amazing. Little Dude kept coming up and hugging me and saying:

"Thanks Mom, Happy Mother's Day" ALL DAY. It was amazing hear that tiny voice saying those word, oh my heart swelled with pride and love and gratefulness.

He's going to be a mighty fine husband to a lucky lucky lady someday. 

Then, as though that wasn't already the best day ever, my sweet little redheaded JR came running up to me and my coffee with a handful of clover flowers for me and told me:

"Happy Mother's Day! I love you!" He is just the sweetest, isn't he? And what is even better, is that he picked those flowers the DAY BEFORE while Bill mowed the lawn. He had asked Bill where he could hide them, and Bill had told him to put them in the pantry downstairs. JR was quite convinced I would see them there, and told Bill that wouldn't work. Since Bill didn't see or hear anything else about the flowers, he had assumed that JR had dropped/forgotten/left them outside.

But no. JR, all on his own, had hidden them in the picnic cooler, and went, as soon as he got out of bed, to go get them and hand them to me, all perfectly wilted in the most wonderful way, in a little plastic cup.

Oh my heart. Those were the best flowers I have ever gotten. I kept them on my counter until this morning, when I finally had to give them up for dead. But don't worry, I got plenty of photos of them (though still on my camera, ha!)

He's going to be a mighty fine husband to a lucky lucky lady someday, too. 

And Champ had no idea what was going on, but was super excited to be in on the hugging and was content to follow his brothers around as they got me things (like more coffee! When did Little Dude become a Big Dude?) And blankets (though I have to admit, I started sweating, but couldn't resist the NEXT blanket JR and Champ slowly dragged to the couch for me. They were on a mission all day to fluff me up in the couch.)

And my sweet husband? THE BEST EVER. He cleaned the house, sat with the on the couch and read next to me, and later indulged me on a walk up to the park and around back to the local coffee shop. (I may have a slight addiction to coffee...) We all played at the park, and napped in the hammock, and watched the kids play in our yard and watched the clouds float by. He said:

"I hope this is what Heaven is like". Oh my heart. I am so lucky and blessed to have these four amazing men in my life. I know I say it every year, but this really was the best Mother's Day ever.

A wonderful husband, three healthy amazing loving boys, and one super sweet beautiful girl in Ind*a. I am one crazy blessed and lucky Mom, indeed.

Help From Adoptive Moms Please

I have a request for any moms/dads that have adopted, especially any from Ind*a.

Can you guys leave me comments with what kids books you suggest to have for our sons and our future daughter? Can you suggest any kids fairy tales or nursery rhyme books from Ind*a? Are there any really great adoption kid books to read to our future daughter and son to really help open up the discussions on a small kid level about how awesome adoption is? And most importantly, any book that you love that show characters of color, especially if there are any of Ind*an decent depicted.

I have this list so far for kid books:

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
A Child is Born by Margaret Wise Brown
I Wished For You by Marianne Richmond
Over the Moon by Karen Katz
God Found Us You by Lisa Bergren


And a cookbook I'm looking at ordering:

Anjum's New Indian by Anjum Anand

Does anyone know if this might have good recipes to incorporate into our meal rotations? I've made a pumpkin curry chicken and couscous that the kids and Bill (and I) LOVED. I've made it a few times now, and then I've made a coconut curry chicken from a mix I got at the Ind*a market near our house, but I think it would be better if I found some ones to make from "scrtach" rather than mixes, so we can avoid all that salt (and the mixes are expensive when you have to buy double to feed everyone,ha!)

So, can you ladies help me out? What books do your children love? And are there any that are great illustrations about Ind*a? I would love to find some kind of illuinated book about Ind*a to read to all the kids.

And cooking...if there are ANY kid dishes that you think she will be most familiar with, or that might be comforting (like how I feel when I find some place with sweet iced tea in a northern state) I'd love to have something that I could cook that might give her that same comfort.


AND as a Christmas gift this coming year, we are going to give out "Family of Adoption" to everyone, is there any other books you found to be awesome to give family in preparation to your adoptions?

OK, send me your ideas and reccomendations!

THANK YOU ALL! I don't know what in the world I would do without you; I'm so grateful for blogging and the internet and even facebook. Though, don't say anything on facebook yet, we won't put anything offical on there until we have guardianship and our daughter is legally ours-just private message me if you know me on there. :)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Coming up for Air

We are still working on the dossier, and are SO close to being done.

We told my in laws we are adopting and learned that my father in law had once tried to adopt with his first wife before they had children-SO wonderful to hear that story and get his support. My mother in law....well, not as positive as I had hoped, but if it means much, it went just the way Will thought it would. So. She will come around, and if not, eh. Family is family, you can't pick them or their feelings, and it will just be what it is.

Little Dude almost comes up to my shoulder now. HOW in the world did that happen? He is such a sweet little guy now. His feelings were recently hurt by a school friend, but he handled it so well, and I was so proud of him for working through it and talking to me about it. We got icecream after-and I think it made the hurt somewhat better. Icecream and a good talk can fix so many things.

JR is just a joyful jumping bean. He is SO crazy excited to get a sister and he is already telling us what we need to buy her. She will be in heaven having Ben as her big brother; he will be making sure she gets whatever she wants....we might have to try to keep him in check a bit so we don't spoil her rotten, haha! He is loving school and tomorrow is his share day....he has been picking out just the right book to take for sharing ALL DAY. It is sweet and I love seeing him so excited about school.

Champ is talking up a storm, mostly saying "Daddy vroom vroom, truck, dog (which sounds like Dock) pee (yes we are potty training, he is doing fantastic) poop, book, go, bye bye, hi!, no (which comes out all whiney like nooooooooo with a bit of boston acent to it. We aren't from boston at all) and now, choo choo for Thomas. HE LOVES THOMAS.  I love that he loves Thomas. He also has the sign language still going like crazy. We are trying to  get him to actually say please and thank you, but so far he still just does the signs.

And us? Well, we are chugging along with the adoption and have just sent the first huge payment and just announced that it is offical. Bill is meeting with his sister tonight over a beer  and I'm excited to have her know the great news. I've call my Aunt, cousins and sisters, and they are all excited for us-it is so awesome to have the excited support! Other family members we will probably call soon. I'll defer to Bill on that, since that is all his side, so he might want to be the one to do it. We will talk to see what he wants to plan for sharing the news.

And, until we get the referral and everything is offical, we will probably just keep this all in the family and close friends (so NOTHING on facebook! ) Because, sadly, until we get that referral and guardianship, it could all still fall thorugh and we could end up not being able to adopt, and that would be pretty painful to have to keep telling people, especially non family or non close friends people.

So, that is the new news! SOON I'll update that our dossier is done and off to Ind*a!

And then the waiting begins....

Goodbye 2012

Somehow, the 21st is already here! Thankfully, the end of the world ended up not occurring, haha! Though that does remind me that I need to get back to couponing so I can restock my pantry; I have been trying hard to cut back our budget as much as possible and putting every little bit extra into our adoption fund. So, I guess that can be my new years resolution-hunt down grocery sales! Because, you know, these boys just keep eating and eating and eating.....and making me wish I had their metabolism! It must be all the super hero fighting they do:

In other news, the school year is half over! Crazy! I have to register JR for kindergarten the second week of January; that just blows my mind. Didn't I JUST sign him up for preschool? And he is already writing his letters, starting to read sight words, and becoming just the most wonderful, sweet little man.

The other night he mentioned he wanted to dye his hair blonde like AJ's. It hurt my heart a bit to think he hated his hair, and I don't know if I handled it well or not, but I told him. that if he wanted his hair blonde, that when he got old enough to have it dyed I'd take him to do it-and I told him that I would probably dye my hair his red color, because I think it is such an awesome color like fire. He seemed quite pleased with that. Did I handle that OK? I have no idea, but at least he seemed pretty happy his hair was like fire-and he seemed happy thinking that he could change the color if he wanted. Maybe just knowing he could change it, will make him not as unhappy with the color he has? I know that some people have called him "ginger" and he hates that so much, so I am thinking that might be the source of why he wants to be blonde...but I don't know; next week he may decide red is the most awesome ever.

Little Dude is certainly a little dude now. He just seems so much like a little man these days. He is wise and sweet and so incredibly smart. We hung some ornaments on our Christmas Tree from India, in honor of Princess, and Little Dude asked if she would be scared or sad to leave her friends there and come here. We told him yes, since that is the truth, and explained that we would have to show her that she can trust us and love us, and that we will be her family forever-because right now, even though she has her friends and knows everyone, she doesn't have parents to take care of her, and look after her, or brothers to play legos with. He cried saying he didn't want her to be scared and that he would help make her feel peace.

Is he not the sweetest? Oh that broke my heart to hear him express concern for Princess's transition to our home.

Champ is growing by leaps and bounds. He loves Bill's truck, and says 'Daddy truck vroom vroom all the time" SO cute! I keep trying to catch him on video, but every time he stops talking and just looks at me. Eventually I'll catch him talking!

In overall news, last week there as a school shooting in Newtown CT-20 kindergarteners were killed my a crazy guy with a gun. On the Friday it happen, as soon as I learned about it, I took Little Dude out of school at 2 and we all got icecream. My heart broke watching all my boys play and thinking of the families who were running to that school looking for their children. This morning, there were police guarding his school with guns outside. The sight made my heart stop and I had to take some deep breaths to brightly and calmly tell Little Dude I loved him and have a great day. Seeing those police made me want to do nothing else but drive back home with all my boys and just cry. It is terrifying to realize I can't keep them safe, 24/7. And, playing on that fear, there was a radio ad I heard while driving back home, for a backpack company now selling bullet proof backpacks for kids.

But, enough sad stuff. This year, overall has been amazing. It is hard to realize that we started our research into adopting from Princess's country more than a year ago-and this coming March it will be an official year since we started the first of our adoption paper work. My, a year is going by quickly! And hopefully, the next year brings us lots of grant money, lots of blessings, and somehow, gets me through all the paperwork gathering for our dossier.

I'm really NOT looking forward to getting all those documents gathered and notarized and apostilled. But I am SO MUCH looking forward to using my passport, which came in the mail today.

My nice, new, UPDATED to married name, passport is now here. I'm ready to travel and go get our Princess. I'm so excited to see if we are blessed with her in 2013!

Somehow God Knows

So this blog is turning more into an adoption blog rather than a family blog-I promise to fix that soon. I need to download some photos from my camera and get them on here to share, along with sweet stories of what the boys are up to now.

Everyday is amazing, yet simple and mundane. We go to school, we do chores, we eat, we do homework...and somehow in that mix, amazing things are happening as our children grown and we grow watching them. It is the everyday, but it is wonderful.

For our adoption news, Bill and I are still waiting to hear if our homestudy has been approved-I'm really hoping we hear soon, but I'll let go of that.

In other adoption news, I wrote recently how nervous Bill and I were after reading and studying up on the "worst case" issues of attachment, mental health, and all that such stuff that is just so up in the air with any adoption.

And we have been really talking about if we are ready-can we do this? What if she is a worst case, what do we do?

And we prayed, and I spent hours finding local therapists with experience in international toddler adoption (though sadly I couldn't find any with specific India experience, but international toddler adoption mental health issues at least have to be somewhat similar, I guess).

So armed with those, we have just been praying that we don't ever need to use them, or call them for help. And then, a couple we met through our adoption agency, who are also adopting a sweet little girl from India-and from the same orphanage our sweet Princess is at, had the opportunity to come over for dinner.

And they have actually been to India, and met our sweet Princess many times, and they showed us some videos of her that had me working really REALLY hard not to cry.

Because watching her, made me SO BADLY want to scoop her out of the orphanage, out of the mass of kids there, and bring her here to our home, to her room, and celebrate Halloween with us. It hit us so hard, watching her, that we are doing the right thing and that everything is going to be fine. Hearing stories about her at least help to indicate there aren't any blatant issues to be worried about-and that her attachment to her caregiver is strong. Which is good, since is shows she can trust and places trust, but also sad, since she will be devastated to lose her caregiver.

Thank goodness for the internet, right? We will always be able to look up the orphanage, or maybe even skype, and send photos and letters, and keep in touch. And I have hundreds of photos already of her orphanage, caregivers there, and of her and her friends that I plan to put into a detailed book for her, so she can see them any time. I also plan to print out and frame the photo of her and her caregiver for Princess's room.

But somehow, God knew, we needed a little help keeping motivated, and to keep going forward and shake off our fears. To just TRUST that we are doing the right thing and that we can handle it. He knew, and he let our path cross this sweet couple's path, and I am so grateful we got to see her, and hear her giggles (she is certainly the giggle machine I can turn into at a lame joke; I'm so excited about that!)

The boys got to see her and hear her too, and it looked like love at first sight. JR was completely smitten and has since been pointing out toys in the big catalog that came for Christmas what we need to get for Princess. Champ started smiling so huge when we watched Princess laughing, and Little Dude actually seems pretty wise about the situation she is in and points out that we could put two more kids in our home, since the empty room could easily have bunkbeds, so maybe we need to bring two kids home. I love him and his sweet heart so much.

We had not shared much yet with them about her, since we still were so unsure about getting matched to her, but now, it looks like we should be good, with almost certain chance of getting matched to her because of her special needs, the area she is in, and our amazing agency.

And apparently our Princess LOVES tickles, which made Bill super happy, since he is always trying to tickle me and the boys and we all hate it. Bill will finally have a kid that loves to be tickled :)

Every time we have felt defeated, scare, or questioning by the whole adoption process, God has put someone in our paths that keeps our hearts focused on bringing our Princess home.

Nesting And Adoption

In the big scheme of things, we are still super early in our adoption process, much to my annoyance. BUT, we have also gotten A LOT done, much to my joy.

The entire homestudy process has been huge to get through and as of now we are still waiting for my boss to send in his reference, and or our social worker to finish typing everything up, THEN we are ready to apply for grants.

I'm praying so hard we can make the Show Hope grant deadline this month, but if not, then we will be ready for the next one in Oct. And there are tons of little grants I want to apply for as well, so those will keep me busy if we miss Show Hope.

My greatest hope IS in the Show Hope one-they could end up giving us a large enough amount to fund everything we need that our savings isn't going to be able to cover-how amazing would that be? And getting that big chunk so soon would enable us to speed through the final steps, with our dossier, our passports, travel flights, and the huge contract fees and the huge government fees for Visas, official documents (a birth certificate with OUR last name, yay!) and other such very important things that are all due in big chunks and can't be financed.

I am hoping and praying so hard that God will keep her safe until we can get to her. A couple of children in her orphanage have died from simple (here) illnesses and a part of me is so scared she will catch something, like just a cold, or heat exhaustion, too.  I know, it is silly, but still, I probably have such fears just because I can't be there to hold her and take care of her.

I'm so scared she will die before she has a parent to kiss her goodnight and hug her tight.

When I had learned about another little girl's death from the orphanage, and this little girl I happen to know was in the process of being adopted by such a wonderful family, it just increased my fear. I want our little Princess to know that there are people out there working hard to bring her to our family, that we want HER and love her so very much.

But, on a more positive note, I have been doing a tiny bit of "nesting". It makes the long waits between any feedback from our agency (and like now we are just in stand still waiting on a reference letter and the report to be finished...sigh) So, while there is little to do, I have been searching out cute things for her bedroom. I found these:

I was so super excited to find them in dark haired/dark skinned versions as well. I got them on zulily.com, so the prices were fantastic. I also got a few other similar photos of dark haired little princesses in various fairy tale settings. They are 8 by 11, so they will be perfect to frame and hang around her room, maybe over her little bed or over the reading area.  Since she and Champ will share a room until they get older, I also found some similar ones of little boys with puppies, playing in mud, and reading a story, and a cute subway tile looking one like this top one that says "Our Dream Came True, All Wrapped In Blue" with a little rocket ship on it.

I have them saved as favorites on etsy, so when I have the money saved I'll scoop those up and start working on the shared room space layout, with a little boy side and a little girl side. I'm excited to bring that to life in the next year, but I did promise Bill I wouldn't buy anything else until we get our official referral.

Sigh, that will be hard :)

AND in great news, I found an Indian grocery store near us and had a great conversation about classic recipes and ingredients and how to use them. He is also ordering a cookbook for me in English, since all of his on the shelves were not. I'm super excited and thankful for his help! He also told me about a clothing store that was in the same shopping area that has traditional Indian outfits-I had SO much fun looking at the little outfits and bangles and bindis....And I as so thankful the lady there was so kind to explain to me how the bindi worked, how it should be placed and what it meant-along with the bangles. They also did ear and nose piercing there, so that would be super fun to take our daughter, if she wants, and let her pick out a traditional looking earring to put in her ears. They were much more ornate than the simple studs you get at the mall, and I just loved them. They also had some wedding outfits and the lovely shades of red, the head dresses...wow, they were just STUNNING.

I can see going back there a lot! Though the prices were high enough I will probably only be able to get one or two a year as she grows, but certainly not much more expensive than a Disney Store costume and accessories, so it will certainly be something we get for her to dress up in and one for special holidays, like the Festival of Lights I want to start celebrating as a family.

And I am excited to have found such close resources right here, so now I don't feel as stressed to save up money to buy outfits for her when we travel over (though I certainly will buy some things for her) At least now though, I know I can always get new gowns for her as she grows and as I have the extra money to splurge. And we can now hunt down her favorite colors and let her pick things out as well. I am excited about the thought of picking out bangles and dresses and traditional meal ingredients with my daughter at these stores someday.

So, those are my little nesting things, and the excitement and thoughts they give me keeps me trucking on along through the massive grant paper work, adoption paper work, careful budgeting and other such tedious tasks we must accomplish to bring her home to us.

So worth it, but I do wish I could win just a portion of the lottery and just pay everything right this minute.

I can't wait to say I have three sons AND a daughter!

Brave

Adopting is a sign of bravery-there are so many unknowns-and so many things our family has to just accept and pray for the best.

Our meeting with Summit Church's Orphancare was AMAZING. We loved meeting all the people and talking about the process-and even learning about Foster Care here in the US-we learned so much about all aspects of Orphancare that we had not thought about-it was fantastic.

Everything is so slow-and yet at the same time, I am scared of it going quickly. We don't have the money right this minute-and while so many people we talked to to night said things like "God will provide", it is so very hard to trust that.

I know, horrible to admit, but for me, as such a budget conscious, money wise person, I have such a hard time trusting that the money will come available as we need it-I guess a big part of me is scared that yes, God seems to provide for others, but will He truly provide for us? Are we worthy of His attention and help?

I don't know, it is so hard to trust in this, and I am a bit ashamed to admit my lack of faith.

But, I will continue to pray, and hope, and beg, that our plans are truly the plans He has for us, and this is truly what he is calling our hearts to do, and that somehow, we will be able to make this happen with His help.

Like praying that her special needs are actually as minor as her medical file says and are the things we feel comfortable taking on with our other children.

Or that somehow, someway, the money will fall into place for us, as is has for so many other adoptive families we have met.

That somehow Bill and I will be able to give our Princess what she needs to heal and settle after her adoption-and to know how to help her grieve and keep alive the beautiful culture she has left behind by coming here.

Or that some of our friends and family that are very much against an adopted child, because of general fears they have about physical and mental health, and 'what that kid has been through' will have a wonderfully soft and changed heart once our Princess is here, and learn how powerful the calling to care for orphans is on our hearts.

And especially, that our Princess will be able to love us and trust us, and know that we will always, forever be her family and she will never have to face the world alone ever again.

Wishing On a Wishing Star

My husband and I have excitedly started this journey to adopting a daughter, but after talking to a neighbor today about our good news, I realize I have probably shared too much too early.

For one, we still haven't figured out the money part. I really have no idea how we will make it work at all. Like seriously, NO IDEA. Because we don't have even $20000 to spend, let alone the full $40000. Prayers we get grants, please!

And too, we are still early in this journey, and things could still fall apart. We could reach a point where we have to stop, and say we can't spend anymore money. We can't afford it. And we might have to walk away. Our hearts will break, but that will be a reality that could happen.

If that worst case happens, and we can't afford to finish this journey, then we certainly don't want to be judged, or hounded with questions, while our hearts are breaking. Mostly I don't want to be judged. We have sadly already gotten enough of that just by starting the adoption process-I can't imagine what reactions we would get from people if we have to stop and can't afford to finish.

We've had most people tell us to just try again for a girl. Or say that we have too many kids already. Or ask why we don't want a white baby, because you know, out adopted child, lord forbid, won't look like us. Or why we aren't doing foster care instead. Or even people saying that we have three healthy sons, we shouldn't want the headache of a girl.

And while some of the comments are well intended, others just make me mad. In answer to the neighbor that was so concerned with our child not looking like anyone else, well, I don't look like anyone else in my family. My mom and sisters all have beautiful brown eyes, black hair, and great tan skin from their Native American genes that I just didn't get much of. My dad's Irish genes come through in me, but even he has brown eyes and black hair. I got the pasty skin and auburn hair and freckles that no one else has. Oh, and the random hazel eyes. Yea, I don't look like them at all.

We want to adopt, we don't have any infertility problems, and I want a daughter. India draws me because it is a country that doesn't value girl children. As simple as that. My daughter is going to be the answer to so many prayers of mine, and the completion of her adoption will be the completion of a dream I've held since I was a child and first learned about abortion. That is how long I have wanted to adopt.

But if we can't finish this, if we get to a point where we just don't have the money to go any further and grants aren't coming in for us, then I want to try to "walk" way without the judging stares from people that think us jerks for not going forward with it.

Even though the people that would judge, or say things to us, are probably the same that have already said slightly hurtful and judgmental things about our desire to adopt at all; let alone adopt outside the USA.

I know I sound defensive now, but after talking with Bill, I realize he is right. We need to go forward privately with all of this-go with the next step of our home study and make sure that is approved, and then go to the next step and the next, without having to worry about what others think if something goes wrong and it doesn't work out like we are dreaming.

This is going to be a really long, hard, full of waiting and full of government interaction, paperwork running around, S-L-O-W journey. And if we do get the adoption finished, it will be THEN that the truly hard part starts; helping a child that doesn't know us learn to trust us and move on from past abuse and neglect she faced. So please, be kind to us if things don't work. We are doing our very best to make it happen. Until we reach a point where it feels comfortable to share that our journey is going successfully, then there won't be much adoption updating going on here.

PS I bought a beautiful dress today. I can't wait for the day I dress MY daughter in it.

Where I Was

For some reason, the 10th anniversary of 9/11 has been more important to me; more meaningful somehow. Not that others weren't, but I suppose I looked at all of those anniversaries as more of a "We made it! This far!" kind of anniversaries.

This one, the first one with Bin Ladin dead, just hits me as overwhelmingly sad.

Now that I'm a mom to three little guys, I have made many many trips to visit fire fighters and I am seeing the anniversary a bit differently.

I've realized that when I watched the second plane hit the other tower, that I watched not just people die, but mothers, fathers, sons and daughters.

I had just gotten out of class super early because the teacher was sick, and I thought my luck couldn't get any better when I strolled through the brickyard to grab breakfast, and realized there was NO LINE for food. I obliviously got in the empty line and picked out food, not realizing until it came time to pay, that everyone, including the food staff, were clustered around the tvs.

I remember putting the food down and coming over to see that there had been a horrible accident, that a plane had just crashed into one of the twin towers. Then, as the tv reporter talked about the confusion and lack of details from air traffic control, we all watched, in shock, as a second plane appeared on the tv screen and careened into the second tower.

I remember the silence in that usually packed and noisy student center. I remember the one girl next to me holding my arm and starting to cry.

I remember the tv changing the headline to "America Under Attack". I remember the reporter's voice cracking as he asked if there was more information as the news of the Pentagon came flooding in.

In a quiet terror I walked alone back to my apartment and watched tv with my roomies, all of us glued to the news, in shock that we were under attack from a foe that would attack normal citizens on their way to work.

10 years alter, I realize, that maybe someday, if my sons continue their passion for fire fighters, maybe one day, they will be running into a building that is collapsing, just in the hope of saving one of those mothers, fathers, sons and daughters.

This year I am just so very sad about it all, but I also see how this anniversary is a celebration of heroics and bravery, from not just firefighters and police, but from us all.

We have survived 10 years of facing a hidden foe. Of fighting a war that really can't be fought or won. Fighting someone that doesn't "fight fair". There is no exact military targets or armies to face. The "bad guys" aren't in uniform for us to pick out. They don't care if women and children and babies are the subjects of their attacks.

It has been 10 years, but more than any other anniversary, for me it feels like I just walked back to my apartment and finally grasped that the things falling out of the twin towers were mothers, fathers, sons and daughters.

Baptism Photos

Bill, Me, JR, Godmother Caroline, and Godfather Sean. JR really did not want to take any photos; he wanted to go play with the other children.

The lovely and SUPER YUMMY cake JR's Godmother made for his "after party". That's how we do baptisms.

Reading a prayer before the oils were put on. The Catholic church used the most wonderful smelling oils and incense during baptism, (other churches might, too, I just don't know) and I wish I could have that smell around my house all the time.

Is there anything cuter than a baby in a suit?
We finally changed his clothes; the food mess was getting out of control. JR knows how to throw down cake!

Happy Baptism Day, JR!

JR was Baptized

This past Saturday, JR was Baptized, and even though I KNOW I'm biased, I think it was a beautiful event. Deacon Leo gave an amazing homily, most of our friends and family were able to attend, and JR was an angel for most of the event.

Though I think my favorite was when Deacon Leo put the baptism robe on JR, and started to say "This represents your Christian dignity", JR decided at that moment he was done having oils, water AND robes put on him, so he promptly tore the robe off and threw it down. Everyone got a really good chuckle out of that and I see myself filing that away as a story to tell his future wife.

After the Baptism, all our family and friends came back to our house for a fun cookout bash. The kids had SO much fun playing, and I was on cloud nine holding Alexis, Melissa and Criag's baby daughter. (SO ADORABLE!)

I got to hang out with my soul sister, Caitlin. We don't see each other often, but somehow we always end up having SO much in common. Like, currently, we have the same front door rug, (which we discovered this weekend when they came over-we have fabulous taste, eh? )and both are coveting the same Shabby Apple dress. She and I need to live closer; I've decided.

And there was THE MOST AMAZING CAKE EVER, made by JR's Godmother and my best girlfriend/neighbor, Caroline. I just melted in your mouth, and I am actually going to eat more once I finish here.

There is nothing like time with family and friends to remind you your worries are not worthy of worry at all.

I Lift My Lamp Beside The Golden Door

We went to the park yesterday, and I met a young mom (I say young, she was probably only a little younger than me-now I feel old). Anyways, we started talking in that way that lonely moms desperately need, throwing off all caution of strangers and differences, bonding merely over the fact that we had kids, and needed to talk to another adult.

As we talked, I learned that she was living in a hotel, while her husband was here working for the next few weeks, and that in a few months they will start house hunting to move here. From California. Where all their family is. Where they grew up, and where all their kids were born. They will be more then a 15 hour drive away; they will have a far enough drive that they probably won't ever be driving back. And with 3 children, and a tight budget, they probably won't be flying back anytime soon for visits.

As we talked, I found myself listening more than talking, giving her the support she desperatly needed, along with directions to all the local fun stuff they will have here in their new home. As I saw her starting to get excited about Mobile, I started reflecting back on some advice another friend, Cathy, had given me when I had explained how Bill and I were not sure where we might end up, being transfered here permenatly or getting to go back to NC:

Abraham trusted in the Lord, and gave up everything he knew, left his land and home, and followed where the Lord guided him to go, doing what he had to do because he trusted God would look out for him, and God did and greatly blessed him.

When Cathy first told me of Abraham's strength and faith, I had brushed it off, not really making the connection.

But when I met Susan yesterday at the park, I realized that perhaps God is showing me a sign. That while I am in between, and a bit of a traveler, not knowing where we will end up, not able to make plans for the future, and having to just do what is best for our family as the choices come, perhaps I can be a tool of comfort for others going through similar events. Perhaps, this is my chance to truly offer comfort to others in need, and lend myself as a staff for them to lean on and find supportive rest.

So, if you need an ear to complain to, to contemplate with, and unload a bit of your anxiety, I'll be at the park at 11.