This Time

There are no adoption updates at all-and actually my last email of questions went unanswered from our agency, so I'm guessing they have zero to share either and are just putting off responding until they have some kind of carrot to offer us.

But, it is OK and I am fine with it.

To be honest, now that I have gotten past the whole panic of "OMG we missed another birthday, why can't we go get her, what is she learning, is she being cared for, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY GIRL" I am actually enjoying this wait.

There is no stress, so far no paperwork to worry about (now that I've said that I've jinxed myself) and I keep reminding myself. that I need to enjoy every second of our family of 5 while we have it-enjoy the "normal" we have, the simple taken for granted level of ability our kids are at-and how healthy they are, and how we have no issues needing therapy or medicine or anything to worry about.

They don't have flashbacks of fear or people questioning if they are my kids.

And those are all things we will have to deal with once our Princess gets here. And those aren't bad things-they are just what they are-and who even knows what it will be like when we get her home. All I know is that I'll have an almost 4 year old that can't speak English, who doesn't look like us-and who people will feel they must ask about, and who's history and experiences are un-shared by us.

It's going to be hard, ya'll, to get to our new "normal". And while I am so eager to get her home, I'm also taking the time to breathe, and focus on the kids now, and the moments we have now.

And just soak in how blessed Bill and I are, no matter what else might happen.

We are just so blessed.

PS. The Disney Store has "It's A Small World" Dolls out now, and I may have bought the India doll to put under the Christmas tree this year for our girl. :) I hadn't realized it til now, but we have gotten a gift for every year she missed with us; that will be pretty fun when she gets home to celebrate each year she missed with her lovely India themed dolls I've collected for her.

Mothers Day

This Mother's Day was the best ever. It really was just amazing. I woke up to my husband making french toast (and even the huge treat of him having cleaned up ALL the mess from it too! I am married to a gem, folks!)

While Bill finished up breakfast, Little Dude brought me coffee and informed me I had to lay on the couch and read.

Which I did. And it was amazing. Little Dude kept coming up and hugging me and saying:

"Thanks Mom, Happy Mother's Day" ALL DAY. It was amazing hear that tiny voice saying those word, oh my heart swelled with pride and love and gratefulness.

He's going to be a mighty fine husband to a lucky lucky lady someday. 

Then, as though that wasn't already the best day ever, my sweet little redheaded JR came running up to me and my coffee with a handful of clover flowers for me and told me:

"Happy Mother's Day! I love you!" He is just the sweetest, isn't he? And what is even better, is that he picked those flowers the DAY BEFORE while Bill mowed the lawn. He had asked Bill where he could hide them, and Bill had told him to put them in the pantry downstairs. JR was quite convinced I would see them there, and told Bill that wouldn't work. Since Bill didn't see or hear anything else about the flowers, he had assumed that JR had dropped/forgotten/left them outside.

But no. JR, all on his own, had hidden them in the picnic cooler, and went, as soon as he got out of bed, to go get them and hand them to me, all perfectly wilted in the most wonderful way, in a little plastic cup.

Oh my heart. Those were the best flowers I have ever gotten. I kept them on my counter until this morning, when I finally had to give them up for dead. But don't worry, I got plenty of photos of them (though still on my camera, ha!)

He's going to be a mighty fine husband to a lucky lucky lady someday, too. 

And Champ had no idea what was going on, but was super excited to be in on the hugging and was content to follow his brothers around as they got me things (like more coffee! When did Little Dude become a Big Dude?) And blankets (though I have to admit, I started sweating, but couldn't resist the NEXT blanket JR and Champ slowly dragged to the couch for me. They were on a mission all day to fluff me up in the couch.)

And my sweet husband? THE BEST EVER. He cleaned the house, sat with the on the couch and read next to me, and later indulged me on a walk up to the park and around back to the local coffee shop. (I may have a slight addiction to coffee...) We all played at the park, and napped in the hammock, and watched the kids play in our yard and watched the clouds float by. He said:

"I hope this is what Heaven is like". Oh my heart. I am so lucky and blessed to have these four amazing men in my life. I know I say it every year, but this really was the best Mother's Day ever.

A wonderful husband, three healthy amazing loving boys, and one super sweet beautiful girl in Ind*a. I am one crazy blessed and lucky Mom, indeed.

Goodbye 2012

Somehow, the 21st is already here! Thankfully, the end of the world ended up not occurring, haha! Though that does remind me that I need to get back to couponing so I can restock my pantry; I have been trying hard to cut back our budget as much as possible and putting every little bit extra into our adoption fund. So, I guess that can be my new years resolution-hunt down grocery sales! Because, you know, these boys just keep eating and eating and eating.....and making me wish I had their metabolism! It must be all the super hero fighting they do:

In other news, the school year is half over! Crazy! I have to register JR for kindergarten the second week of January; that just blows my mind. Didn't I JUST sign him up for preschool? And he is already writing his letters, starting to read sight words, and becoming just the most wonderful, sweet little man.

The other night he mentioned he wanted to dye his hair blonde like AJ's. It hurt my heart a bit to think he hated his hair, and I don't know if I handled it well or not, but I told him. that if he wanted his hair blonde, that when he got old enough to have it dyed I'd take him to do it-and I told him that I would probably dye my hair his red color, because I think it is such an awesome color like fire. He seemed quite pleased with that. Did I handle that OK? I have no idea, but at least he seemed pretty happy his hair was like fire-and he seemed happy thinking that he could change the color if he wanted. Maybe just knowing he could change it, will make him not as unhappy with the color he has? I know that some people have called him "ginger" and he hates that so much, so I am thinking that might be the source of why he wants to be blonde...but I don't know; next week he may decide red is the most awesome ever.

Little Dude is certainly a little dude now. He just seems so much like a little man these days. He is wise and sweet and so incredibly smart. We hung some ornaments on our Christmas Tree from India, in honor of Princess, and Little Dude asked if she would be scared or sad to leave her friends there and come here. We told him yes, since that is the truth, and explained that we would have to show her that she can trust us and love us, and that we will be her family forever-because right now, even though she has her friends and knows everyone, she doesn't have parents to take care of her, and look after her, or brothers to play legos with. He cried saying he didn't want her to be scared and that he would help make her feel peace.

Is he not the sweetest? Oh that broke my heart to hear him express concern for Princess's transition to our home.

Champ is growing by leaps and bounds. He loves Bill's truck, and says 'Daddy truck vroom vroom all the time" SO cute! I keep trying to catch him on video, but every time he stops talking and just looks at me. Eventually I'll catch him talking!

In overall news, last week there as a school shooting in Newtown CT-20 kindergarteners were killed my a crazy guy with a gun. On the Friday it happen, as soon as I learned about it, I took Little Dude out of school at 2 and we all got icecream. My heart broke watching all my boys play and thinking of the families who were running to that school looking for their children. This morning, there were police guarding his school with guns outside. The sight made my heart stop and I had to take some deep breaths to brightly and calmly tell Little Dude I loved him and have a great day. Seeing those police made me want to do nothing else but drive back home with all my boys and just cry. It is terrifying to realize I can't keep them safe, 24/7. And, playing on that fear, there was a radio ad I heard while driving back home, for a backpack company now selling bullet proof backpacks for kids.

But, enough sad stuff. This year, overall has been amazing. It is hard to realize that we started our research into adopting from Princess's country more than a year ago-and this coming March it will be an official year since we started the first of our adoption paper work. My, a year is going by quickly! And hopefully, the next year brings us lots of grant money, lots of blessings, and somehow, gets me through all the paperwork gathering for our dossier.

I'm really NOT looking forward to getting all those documents gathered and notarized and apostilled. But I am SO MUCH looking forward to using my passport, which came in the mail today.

My nice, new, UPDATED to married name, passport is now here. I'm ready to travel and go get our Princess. I'm so excited to see if we are blessed with her in 2013!

Somehow God Knows

So this blog is turning more into an adoption blog rather than a family blog-I promise to fix that soon. I need to download some photos from my camera and get them on here to share, along with sweet stories of what the boys are up to now.

Everyday is amazing, yet simple and mundane. We go to school, we do chores, we eat, we do homework...and somehow in that mix, amazing things are happening as our children grown and we grow watching them. It is the everyday, but it is wonderful.

For our adoption news, Bill and I are still waiting to hear if our homestudy has been approved-I'm really hoping we hear soon, but I'll let go of that.

In other adoption news, I wrote recently how nervous Bill and I were after reading and studying up on the "worst case" issues of attachment, mental health, and all that such stuff that is just so up in the air with any adoption.

And we have been really talking about if we are ready-can we do this? What if she is a worst case, what do we do?

And we prayed, and I spent hours finding local therapists with experience in international toddler adoption (though sadly I couldn't find any with specific India experience, but international toddler adoption mental health issues at least have to be somewhat similar, I guess).

So armed with those, we have just been praying that we don't ever need to use them, or call them for help. And then, a couple we met through our adoption agency, who are also adopting a sweet little girl from India-and from the same orphanage our sweet Princess is at, had the opportunity to come over for dinner.

And they have actually been to India, and met our sweet Princess many times, and they showed us some videos of her that had me working really REALLY hard not to cry.

Because watching her, made me SO BADLY want to scoop her out of the orphanage, out of the mass of kids there, and bring her here to our home, to her room, and celebrate Halloween with us. It hit us so hard, watching her, that we are doing the right thing and that everything is going to be fine. Hearing stories about her at least help to indicate there aren't any blatant issues to be worried about-and that her attachment to her caregiver is strong. Which is good, since is shows she can trust and places trust, but also sad, since she will be devastated to lose her caregiver.

Thank goodness for the internet, right? We will always be able to look up the orphanage, or maybe even skype, and send photos and letters, and keep in touch. And I have hundreds of photos already of her orphanage, caregivers there, and of her and her friends that I plan to put into a detailed book for her, so she can see them any time. I also plan to print out and frame the photo of her and her caregiver for Princess's room.

But somehow, God knew, we needed a little help keeping motivated, and to keep going forward and shake off our fears. To just TRUST that we are doing the right thing and that we can handle it. He knew, and he let our path cross this sweet couple's path, and I am so grateful we got to see her, and hear her giggles (she is certainly the giggle machine I can turn into at a lame joke; I'm so excited about that!)

The boys got to see her and hear her too, and it looked like love at first sight. JR was completely smitten and has since been pointing out toys in the big catalog that came for Christmas what we need to get for Princess. Champ started smiling so huge when we watched Princess laughing, and Little Dude actually seems pretty wise about the situation she is in and points out that we could put two more kids in our home, since the empty room could easily have bunkbeds, so maybe we need to bring two kids home. I love him and his sweet heart so much.

We had not shared much yet with them about her, since we still were so unsure about getting matched to her, but now, it looks like we should be good, with almost certain chance of getting matched to her because of her special needs, the area she is in, and our amazing agency.

And apparently our Princess LOVES tickles, which made Bill super happy, since he is always trying to tickle me and the boys and we all hate it. Bill will finally have a kid that loves to be tickled :)

Every time we have felt defeated, scare, or questioning by the whole adoption process, God has put someone in our paths that keeps our hearts focused on bringing our Princess home.

And We Are OFF!

So much has been going on lately, that I have really just found no time or energy to get on my own blog and update. But, I know that I need to keep up some of this stuff because I'll want to reflect and look through photos later! Here is what is currently going on in our world:

Little Dude is loving school. He is obsessed with Ninjago and reading The Magic Tree House series. He is also loving soccer, so we will probably be signing up for the spring season here soon. He is really into Egyptian stuff right now and we went to the art museum to learn more-he was totally in his element talking to the art guide there! It was so cute, as soon as I get my camera back from my father in law I will share photos. He is growing into such a little man and I try to remember every little hug now, as I am noticing that his head now reaches my chest...he is just growing up so quickly!

JR is loving preschool and comes home talking about all his friends. He is obsessed with Scooby Doo and Batman and I have gotten him more obsessed with reading by finding every single book possible on both subjects. He is also really enjoying soccer, though I absolutely hate his coach this yer, so we will be looking for a different group if we can't get a different coach in the spring. Let's just say the coach is horrible for little kids. Simply horrible. Enough said.

Champ is starting to talk and often walks around speaking gibberish all day. I love it. Lately at bedtime he runs around giving out HUGE hugs and patting us all on the back. Cutest hugs ever! The other night we were eating soup and I let him have some of the liquid from my bowl-he slurped it and said "ahhh" after. THAT was so cute! Bill and I couldn't stop laughing.

I am still watching HOss, and he is quite a joy. He and Champ have tons of fun playing together.

As for our Princess, we FINALLY have our homestudy OFF to be reviewed/approved for India! YIPPIEEE!!! I am anxious to hear back, BUT I have been told it will be 4 weeks til the review is done, at the soonest. -And please pray that is the soonest I REALLY want to have this all done for the Show Hope Dec. deadline for adoption grant money. Anyways, from this point, I am working on getting grant applicaitons ready to send off as soon as we get the homestudy back (approved!) and then from there, we start all the immigration stuff for our little Princess. If things keep going on track, and we get grant money in a timely fashion (or win the lottery....haha) then MAYBE we might have our Princess home by this summer. And wouldn't that just be the BIGGEST blessing ever to have her here before her 3rd birthday? Oh I am hoping so much!

As for Bill and Me, we just got back from my brother in law's wedding at the beach. It was so nice to catch up with so many of our friends, some that now live far away and we miss very much! We did all kinds of fun side trips with the kids to see the Wright Brothers Memorial and the Aquarium, and it was just so a wonderful week with all our family, but I will be glad when I have finally cleaned all the sand out of my car! I think I am finally caught up on laundry.

So, for now, I am working as much as I can to save extra money for our Princess to come home, and starting on all the grant stuff. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers-we could use some help to find the ways to afford everything we have to do to get her here to us!

Overall, life is amazing and wonderful and we are just so very very blessed to have each other and our amazing kids.

My little scientists, Champ and JR, at Marbles Kid's Museum

Frustrated And Annoyed

Hi, I'm Frustrated and Annoyed. Nice to meet you.

Our homestudy isn't done yet ONLY because of references waiting to come in. We need my boss, my husband's boss, and one more friend. I've sent my boss THREE forms for the reference. I am pretty sure all they have to do is say I'm a real person working there and don't seem crazy. And the office is across the street from our social worker's office, so the very fact that I'm waiting on them, along with other people is killing me.

That is holding us back from having our homestudy ready to apply for the two big grants.

And Bill doesn't even want to talk about some of the smaller grant applications until our homestudy is done, reviewed and approved.

I want to start filling out grant applications now.

But, I can't if Bill isn't on board to move forward.

He doesn't seem to care about it going slow. And honestly, it just pisses me off.

I am so mad right now.

We are missing two big grant deadlines, and won't have the chance to apply again for them until Christmas time.

Which means we won't get any funds, if we get any, until spring.

Which means, that we won't send in our dossier, or even order the id forms we need for our dossier, until those funds come in.

Because Bill wants to go slow and do one step at a time.

Which means, we don't have even a small hope of getting our little girl here before her third birthday.

And he is mad I want to go fast.

We haven't done a real vacation since our honeymoon. And this year our vacation is getting sucked up by a socially awkward family wedding in the middle of a week in the middle of the school year and I'm annoyed about that too. Because between the tension of the at odds family members and doing school work with Little Dude that he is missing, and the money we had to pay to pitch in for the beach house a gazillion drunks will be staying at, it just isn't going to be a relaxing, fun time.

I'm just overall annoyed and pissed off with everything.

And today I forgot soccer practice, so when Bill got home, he ACTUALLY asked me what I did today as he raced the boys out to practice 15 minutes late. HE ACTUALLY ASKED ME THAT.

I don't watch another child all day and keep safe.
I don't have 3 kids anyways to watch
I don't work from home and spend more time than I want stuck to a computer screen
I don't have school stuff to sort out this week
I don't have dinner to make
I don't have laundry to do
I don't have EVERY LITTLE BIT of paper work/applications/grants/information for this adoption to do all by myself, because he doesn't want to stress about it.

I just eat bon bons. ALL DAY.

Did I mention I'm annoyed?

I'M ANNOYED.

Nesting And Adoption

In the big scheme of things, we are still super early in our adoption process, much to my annoyance. BUT, we have also gotten A LOT done, much to my joy.

The entire homestudy process has been huge to get through and as of now we are still waiting for my boss to send in his reference, and or our social worker to finish typing everything up, THEN we are ready to apply for grants.

I'm praying so hard we can make the Show Hope grant deadline this month, but if not, then we will be ready for the next one in Oct. And there are tons of little grants I want to apply for as well, so those will keep me busy if we miss Show Hope.

My greatest hope IS in the Show Hope one-they could end up giving us a large enough amount to fund everything we need that our savings isn't going to be able to cover-how amazing would that be? And getting that big chunk so soon would enable us to speed through the final steps, with our dossier, our passports, travel flights, and the huge contract fees and the huge government fees for Visas, official documents (a birth certificate with OUR last name, yay!) and other such very important things that are all due in big chunks and can't be financed.

I am hoping and praying so hard that God will keep her safe until we can get to her. A couple of children in her orphanage have died from simple (here) illnesses and a part of me is so scared she will catch something, like just a cold, or heat exhaustion, too.  I know, it is silly, but still, I probably have such fears just because I can't be there to hold her and take care of her.

I'm so scared she will die before she has a parent to kiss her goodnight and hug her tight.

When I had learned about another little girl's death from the orphanage, and this little girl I happen to know was in the process of being adopted by such a wonderful family, it just increased my fear. I want our little Princess to know that there are people out there working hard to bring her to our family, that we want HER and love her so very much.

But, on a more positive note, I have been doing a tiny bit of "nesting". It makes the long waits between any feedback from our agency (and like now we are just in stand still waiting on a reference letter and the report to be finished...sigh) So, while there is little to do, I have been searching out cute things for her bedroom. I found these:

I was so super excited to find them in dark haired/dark skinned versions as well. I got them on zulily.com, so the prices were fantastic. I also got a few other similar photos of dark haired little princesses in various fairy tale settings. They are 8 by 11, so they will be perfect to frame and hang around her room, maybe over her little bed or over the reading area.  Since she and Champ will share a room until they get older, I also found some similar ones of little boys with puppies, playing in mud, and reading a story, and a cute subway tile looking one like this top one that says "Our Dream Came True, All Wrapped In Blue" with a little rocket ship on it.

I have them saved as favorites on etsy, so when I have the money saved I'll scoop those up and start working on the shared room space layout, with a little boy side and a little girl side. I'm excited to bring that to life in the next year, but I did promise Bill I wouldn't buy anything else until we get our official referral.

Sigh, that will be hard :)

AND in great news, I found an Indian grocery store near us and had a great conversation about classic recipes and ingredients and how to use them. He is also ordering a cookbook for me in English, since all of his on the shelves were not. I'm super excited and thankful for his help! He also told me about a clothing store that was in the same shopping area that has traditional Indian outfits-I had SO much fun looking at the little outfits and bangles and bindis....And I as so thankful the lady there was so kind to explain to me how the bindi worked, how it should be placed and what it meant-along with the bangles. They also did ear and nose piercing there, so that would be super fun to take our daughter, if she wants, and let her pick out a traditional looking earring to put in her ears. They were much more ornate than the simple studs you get at the mall, and I just loved them. They also had some wedding outfits and the lovely shades of red, the head dresses...wow, they were just STUNNING.

I can see going back there a lot! Though the prices were high enough I will probably only be able to get one or two a year as she grows, but certainly not much more expensive than a Disney Store costume and accessories, so it will certainly be something we get for her to dress up in and one for special holidays, like the Festival of Lights I want to start celebrating as a family.

And I am excited to have found such close resources right here, so now I don't feel as stressed to save up money to buy outfits for her when we travel over (though I certainly will buy some things for her) At least now though, I know I can always get new gowns for her as she grows and as I have the extra money to splurge. And we can now hunt down her favorite colors and let her pick things out as well. I am excited about the thought of picking out bangles and dresses and traditional meal ingredients with my daughter at these stores someday.

So, those are my little nesting things, and the excitement and thoughts they give me keeps me trucking on along through the massive grant paper work, adoption paper work, careful budgeting and other such tedious tasks we must accomplish to bring her home to us.

So worth it, but I do wish I could win just a portion of the lottery and just pay everything right this minute.

I can't wait to say I have three sons AND a daughter!

Home Study Number 2

This isn't really the amount of paperwork
 I have to go through, but  this photo made me laugh,
because this IS what it feels like we have ahead of us. 

We have gone through two home study meetings and so far they have been great! I love our social worker and I know she has our best interests at heart.

So far, to get this part of our adoption process done, we have 2 more meetings, wait for reference letters to come in, get our physicals done (and we already have them scheduled, yay!) and get our education classes done. Bill and I are going to sit down tonight to look over our choices and figure out what we want to do for the classes.

I know our agency has specified classes, but since we haven't signed the contract yet, we can't get the videos. Bummer. BUT a friend of mine did a fundraiser for us that raised enough to cover our agency's educational fees, so as soon as we can get them it is on.

We are waiting for the home study to be done and approved before paying to many big chunks of money out, so that once our home study is done we can apply like crazy for grants. I'm praying so much that some grants can come through to help us.

But otherwise, we will be done with the initial home study part soon! Yay! Then we will send our home study to our agency to be reviewed, and then at that point, hopefully, we either have some grants or I have the money saved to hen sign the contract , get their education videos and get on the official waiting list for a referral.

From there we start getting our dossier and immigration paperwork done, some of which I am already working on now, since all my stuff has to come from Texas, and I don't want to be waiting on them at the last minute.

I also need to update my passport,and get tons of paperwork notarized.

So much to do, but little chunks are getting checked off, so I am feeling super happy.

And it is funny, but last night, as we were talking about all this adoption stuff, I felt a very strong calm come over me, telling me that everything was going to work out, and to just keep chugging along.

I think that might be as close as I have ever come to feeling like God was talking to me. Seriously, up until that moment last night, I have truly have very little faith.

But last night, I just felt calm. It is going to work, we are going to get there. It might be slow, it might not be the little girl we are trying for, but there is some little girl or boy out there that needs a home, and we are that home for her or him.

God is going to take care of everything, just the way it should be, and we just need to keep doing what we can to keep following the path he has laid out.

And now I sound like a crazy Jesus person, so I guess I should stop writing. In any case, all things are good and I am so excited to be just a little bit further down the path to our daughter!

Brave

Adopting is a sign of bravery-there are so many unknowns-and so many things our family has to just accept and pray for the best.

Our meeting with Summit Church's Orphancare was AMAZING. We loved meeting all the people and talking about the process-and even learning about Foster Care here in the US-we learned so much about all aspects of Orphancare that we had not thought about-it was fantastic.

Everything is so slow-and yet at the same time, I am scared of it going quickly. We don't have the money right this minute-and while so many people we talked to to night said things like "God will provide", it is so very hard to trust that.

I know, horrible to admit, but for me, as such a budget conscious, money wise person, I have such a hard time trusting that the money will come available as we need it-I guess a big part of me is scared that yes, God seems to provide for others, but will He truly provide for us? Are we worthy of His attention and help?

I don't know, it is so hard to trust in this, and I am a bit ashamed to admit my lack of faith.

But, I will continue to pray, and hope, and beg, that our plans are truly the plans He has for us, and this is truly what he is calling our hearts to do, and that somehow, we will be able to make this happen with His help.

Like praying that her special needs are actually as minor as her medical file says and are the things we feel comfortable taking on with our other children.

Or that somehow, someway, the money will fall into place for us, as is has for so many other adoptive families we have met.

That somehow Bill and I will be able to give our Princess what she needs to heal and settle after her adoption-and to know how to help her grieve and keep alive the beautiful culture she has left behind by coming here.

Or that some of our friends and family that are very much against an adopted child, because of general fears they have about physical and mental health, and 'what that kid has been through' will have a wonderfully soft and changed heart once our Princess is here, and learn how powerful the calling to care for orphans is on our hearts.

And especially, that our Princess will be able to love us and trust us, and know that we will always, forever be her family and she will never have to face the world alone ever again.

It's My Birthday!

It is my birthday!! I'm 31!! I love birthdays!!

Decorating, parties, and cake! With LOTS of icing!!! Yippiee! My husband and I are going to rent a non-kid movie and watch it after the kids go to bed tonight; I'm crazy excited for a "home date night" with him! Yay!

Today, we are going to a neighborhood bible study for the kids. One of my neighbors on the other end of my neighborhood organized it, so that was super sweet! She is organizing snacks, bible songs to teach, and reading a bible story and talking about a moral. Cool, eh? I'm in charge of bringing baby wipes to help with snack clean up. Awesomely simple for me! Nice!

Today I am also putting out signs for our yard sale. I have purged our entire house (except my clothes, which I plan on doing later today) of excess items to sell. I'm hoping we can raise a few hundred dollars to put towards our adoption costs! Fingers crossed lots of people like our stuff this weekend!

Today, I'm anxiously awaiting the delivery of my new camera. The old one's lens broke, so for the past month I haven't had a camera. It is driving me crazy to not take photos! My flip video camera has become my side companion lately, much to my kids' and husband's annoyance. The new camera's tracking code says it should arrive today, so I am super excited for my birthday present! Yay!

and today, I might just go out see if I can find a store that carries some traditional outfits for our daughter. I am pretty sure there is a store close to downtown that does, and I am excited to take a look at the outfits and see the prices. If they aren't too bad, I'll get one as an extra present to me, if they are a bit pricey, then I'll know what to save for!

It is going to be an awesome day!






PS We turned in our home study with the first payment and got the inter-agency agreement signed between our adoption agency and our home study agency. Now to get the home study completed! And my awesome friend Cassandra is donating proceeds from her Initials, Inc sales to our adoption funds-how amazingly sweet and awesome is she? I am crazy humbled by all the help and support we have gotten from random strangers. You can also shop cute bags, bibs, backpacks, storage bins and more and help us out here: http://www.myinitials-inc.com/shop/eventhome.aspx?eventId=E42358&from=DIRECTLINK Yay!

To Fly

JR played soccer for the first time this spring and he LOVED it. His big bro Little Dude also plays, but they ended up on different teams in different divisions by mistake (the head coach thought that Little Dude was older than he is because his skill level was high)....but it ended up being the BEST mistake.

Even though having them on different teams in different divisions meant that Bill and I spent all day Saturday at two games, and all evening Fridays at two practices (and of course all the times were spread out), we are SO glad we didn't insist they be on the same team. We REALLY saw JR blossom having his own thing, his own team, and not having any comparison/competition with Little Dude. We work really hard to avoid comparisons, but just out of default, since Little Dude is older and a pretty competitive first born (like seriously, he practices for soccer to the point I have to tell him to stop...) we often see JR get a bit discouraged and give up.

So, this ended up being a GREAT way to encourage JR to keep trying and do his thing. He loved it and is already talking about playing next year. I'm so glad! I love soccer, so it makes me super happy to see the boys enjoying an activity that fosters team work and keeps me entertained, too! So, here is a video from JR's "intro" for his team before one of their games:

PS, Our little Champ is now a full time walker AND I just mailed our home study info off for Princess' adoption. We are just chugging on along!

Wishing On a Wishing Star

My husband and I have excitedly started this journey to adopting a daughter, but after talking to a neighbor today about our good news, I realize I have probably shared too much too early.

For one, we still haven't figured out the money part. I really have no idea how we will make it work at all. Like seriously, NO IDEA. Because we don't have even $20000 to spend, let alone the full $40000. Prayers we get grants, please!

And too, we are still early in this journey, and things could still fall apart. We could reach a point where we have to stop, and say we can't spend anymore money. We can't afford it. And we might have to walk away. Our hearts will break, but that will be a reality that could happen.

If that worst case happens, and we can't afford to finish this journey, then we certainly don't want to be judged, or hounded with questions, while our hearts are breaking. Mostly I don't want to be judged. We have sadly already gotten enough of that just by starting the adoption process-I can't imagine what reactions we would get from people if we have to stop and can't afford to finish.

We've had most people tell us to just try again for a girl. Or say that we have too many kids already. Or ask why we don't want a white baby, because you know, out adopted child, lord forbid, won't look like us. Or why we aren't doing foster care instead. Or even people saying that we have three healthy sons, we shouldn't want the headache of a girl.

And while some of the comments are well intended, others just make me mad. In answer to the neighbor that was so concerned with our child not looking like anyone else, well, I don't look like anyone else in my family. My mom and sisters all have beautiful brown eyes, black hair, and great tan skin from their Native American genes that I just didn't get much of. My dad's Irish genes come through in me, but even he has brown eyes and black hair. I got the pasty skin and auburn hair and freckles that no one else has. Oh, and the random hazel eyes. Yea, I don't look like them at all.

We want to adopt, we don't have any infertility problems, and I want a daughter. India draws me because it is a country that doesn't value girl children. As simple as that. My daughter is going to be the answer to so many prayers of mine, and the completion of her adoption will be the completion of a dream I've held since I was a child and first learned about abortion. That is how long I have wanted to adopt.

But if we can't finish this, if we get to a point where we just don't have the money to go any further and grants aren't coming in for us, then I want to try to "walk" way without the judging stares from people that think us jerks for not going forward with it.

Even though the people that would judge, or say things to us, are probably the same that have already said slightly hurtful and judgmental things about our desire to adopt at all; let alone adopt outside the USA.

I know I sound defensive now, but after talking with Bill, I realize he is right. We need to go forward privately with all of this-go with the next step of our home study and make sure that is approved, and then go to the next step and the next, without having to worry about what others think if something goes wrong and it doesn't work out like we are dreaming.

This is going to be a really long, hard, full of waiting and full of government interaction, paperwork running around, S-L-O-W journey. And if we do get the adoption finished, it will be THEN that the truly hard part starts; helping a child that doesn't know us learn to trust us and move on from past abuse and neglect she faced. So please, be kind to us if things don't work. We are doing our very best to make it happen. Until we reach a point where it feels comfortable to share that our journey is going successfully, then there won't be much adoption updating going on here.

PS I bought a beautiful dress today. I can't wait for the day I dress MY daughter in it.

Adoption Status: Approved

We got an exciting email today-our application has been officially approved!!! We are eligible to adopt a little girl aged 0-4, and our agency thinks we have a super great chance of getting the little girl we are trying to get.

OMG. WE GOT APPROVED!

But there is that little chance that we won't be able to get her......but we will get someone. There is a little girl out there that will be a part of our family.

OMG. I'M GOING TO HAVE A DAUGHTER.

I want to go do shopping right this minute. She is going to need princess dresses. And a pink soccer ball. PINK!

OMG. THIS IS GOING TO BE CRAZY EXPENSIVE AND I NEED TO FINALLY UPDATE MY NAME ON MY PASSPORT.

Where do you even do that? Oh goodness, there is so much to do. I feel thrilled beyond all else and panicked at the same time. A part of me thought we wouldn't actually get approved. A part of me thought we would hear no yet again. We have some huge payments to dish out very soon to really cement our place "in line" for a referral- for the little girl God is going to lead us to.

Do we take the chance of not getting her? Are we ready to do this now? Do we have the money? I have no idea how we will afford all of this. When it is all said and done, it will be around $40,000.....OMG. That makes my stomach hurt....but at the same time, I would pay millions to keep my sons safe, so thinking of it that way, why would I not make sure I found a way to pay the money to get my daughter safely to us?

We will have a daughter. A DAUGHTER.

I need to learn Hindi, stat

OMG!!!!

And even cooler? We got the best news ever on our 8th wedding anniversary.

I'm totally ordering this Tinkerbell hair clip for our Princess:

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have a DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adoption Scares

We have started the adoption journey rather slowly-in fact, we are STILL waiting to find out if our application to even adopt the waiting child we are trying to adopt has been approved.....and we did our application a good month ago.

So, I guess it is good practice for all the waiting that will be coming up, eh?

Anyways, in the meantime, I have been reading everything and anything about adoption of toddlers, since our little Princess will be just over 2 1/2 by the time we can go get her. That is, IF the timeline goes as quickly as our agency predicted, once we finally hear if we are approved. It might be only 10 months once we find out if we are approved, since she is a waiting child with moderate special needs, but then, most people seem to have had a few years of waiting, so who knows, right?

But, back to what I have been reading. Our agency has a book list they recommend, so I have been going through the entire list one by one. Most have been so inspiring to read, like Orphanology, and others sound like they were written by spoiled brats, like Twenty Things Adoptive Kids With Their Adoptive Parents Knew, and then others, like Toddler Adoption, have me scared.

Like seriously scared.


There are SO many things I had not thought about toddler adoption. Like attachment issues, and discipline that normally works for toddlers apparently isn't good for the newly adopted toddler-like time out. And independence isn't a good sign. And you want them to grieve, but you want them to be able to say goodbye and see their caregiver give approval of you, so they can then attach to you....what if that doesn't happen?

What if we have a child that won't attach?

The author has a ton of ideas and tips on how to approach it, but the thought is actually overwhelming-especially since this author indicated that older toddlers-like 2 to 4-have the worst time of forming a new attachment, especially if they have never attached to anyone before.

So while I am waiting to hear from our agency today (fingers crossed) if our application is approved or not, and that we are clear to start our homestudy, I will just be trying to wrap my head around the worst case scenario of what our Princess might have been through, and how her behavior will be.

It is really scary to think about our child hating us and wanting to hurt us, but I think we are up to the challenge. I think we can help her trust us.

I think. And hope.


*and just so you know, the "Twenty things..." book did have some really good points to make, but overall the author's personal stories had the tone of a very spoiled, over indulged child blaming all her life mistakes on the fact she was adopted, when to me, it seemed like most of her issues and mistakes as an adult and teen resulted from a lack of directional discipline from parents that instead gave into and feed her every whim. I don't quite agree with her that someone adopted as a newborn is going to have a primal wound that will never heal.....I think a child's reaction to their adoption has to do very much with how open and age appropriate the parents are with sharing information and allowing periods of grief at stages of life, but still treating that child as a child you must rise into an empathetic, loving, strong and self sufficient adult. *

Mother's Day With Adoption

Mother's Day for me is always joyful. I have three little munchkins that make each year better and better and an amazing husband that loves to spoil me by doing all the laundry for the weekend. If you don't know it, I HATE laundry. Actually, I'm decent at washing, it is just the folding and putting away that I hate. I like to blame it on the fact that we really have no closet space for our things, but really I just hate to fold and iron, so more space probably wouldn't help any.

Needless to say, Bill doing laundry ALL WEEKEND for me is AWESOME!

And he always gets me the stargazer lilies we had at our wedding and in my bouquet, so even though he tries to surprise me, I always know they are coming and can't wait to see where in the house he has hidden them. He is the best, truly.

This Mother's Day is a little different for me though, because we have started down the road of adoption. And we have started the road differently, since we are trying to request a waiting child, so we know her name, and where she is.....and that makes it hard to not think of her constantly and hope she is well. I know she is loved, luckily, because I have been lucky enough to know people that have volunteered and worked in her orphanage (which is how we came to find her and try to request adopting her).

But, since I have all this swirling through my heart right now, it is hard to not realize we are missing a family member.

I know, it sounds crazy, since we may still be turned down. So she may not be ours. But I'm hoping so badly, and just FEELING so much, that it is meant to be. And I just can't help but feel a little sad that our little girl isn't here with us today, enjoying the rerun of "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" (which the boys thought was HILARIOUS...brought back some good memories from when I was little and saw it the first time around!)

Anyways, I found out recently that we should know the result of our application on the 20th.

At that point we will know if we can keep going forward with our adoption, or if our request is denyed, we will try to learn why, and see if there is still the option to adopt a different child out there, or if India feels that we just don't fit their criteria, period.

I am nervous, since we have three sons already, but our agency said it helped that the child we want is a girl, since she would be the only girl, India will be more prone to over look the child limit for a non heritage family.

Keep the prayers? And maybe in two more Mother's Days we will have a daughter laughing here as well.

Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Month Two

Out little guy is two months! How did the time go by so quickly?

I realized today that I have settled into quite a nice routine, and somehow appear to have it all together. I guess that is half the battle, right? Today at the doctor for Champ's two month shots, I ran into another mom who was in awe that I had three kids under the age of 5, and had somehow gotten them to the office all by myself.

She and her husband had her 6 month old and her 4 year old little girl, and admitted they couldn't imagine taking both kids alone anywhere.

And while I completely understand the sense of being overwhelmed and wanting help, I have to say, a little part of me wanted to be smug about how well behaved the boys were (they even held the doors to the doctor's office for all of us ladies), but I know that being smug about their behavior is the quickest way to get them to show me that I truly have little control over how they decide to act.

In any case, it was fun to talk to the couple and their little girl, who seemed pretty chill, to me. According to mom and dad, she is impossible to take anywhere-I wanted to laugh and tell them to wait til their boy got older and started playing super heroes, then they would see wild, but I didn't.

I just nodded sympathetically and listened, because, really, isn't that what we all need? Just and ear now and then to let us know we are doing a good job and raising our kids OK? Reassurance that it's OK for our kids to not be perfectly behaved every second, and to hear other battlefield tales from other parents in similar situations?

I think it is important to let other parents know that we can't really compare ourselves to each other-we and our children are all different. All we can do is offer support when it is needed.

On that note, here is cuteness:

Two months, just crazy how quickly that went by.

Thor, Flash Storm, Ant Man and Wasp

The only non-blurry photo I have of the elusive Iron Man

Apparently, I missed out on a lot of fun growing up without any boys or male playmates. Even in school I always had girl friends and never really felt comfortable around boys; thus I missed out on some of the coolest stuff ever.

Like super heroes. Who knew there were so many? With so many skills? There is even a girl named WASP who seems infinitely cooler than Super Girl (or even Bat Girl...remember the Alicia Sliverstone movie? *shudder*)

Anyways, super heroes are ALL the rage at our house right now. On a minute to minute breakdown through the day I take on a slew of super hero identities to match whatever theme the boys are on-they are Batman and Robin? I'm obviously Bat Mom (with the ever present Champ playing the part of Bat Baby). The boys are Thor and Ant Man? I am obviously Wasp, who, with the help of Baby Wasp, stings bad guys to death, flies around and can shrink to fit in tiny places-no bad guys can escape the wrath of Wasp and baby Wasp.

And yes, there actually is an ANT MAN-I too had thought the boys made him up until we saw the Avengers cartoon. I'm telling you, I lived a sheltered life of tea parties and My Little Pony.

I have to say, I am a little sad to see JR skipping the Thomas the Train and Sesame Street stage-he is up to whatever Little Dude is up to, so now that Little Dude is "waaaaaaay to oooooooollllllddddd for Elmooooooo" (direct quote, by the way, given exclusively to me when I asked if they would like to watch said show...) it seems that all kinds of bad guy hunting must take place.

Luckily, firefighters are still a huge hit here, since they are "life like super hereos" (again, direct quote from my eldest....) So, when whatever I try to entertain with bombs, an impromptu trip to visit our favorite living super hereos can get even the worst rainy day blues to go away.

It is super cool to see all the pretend play and super hero stuff. And now that Disney bought Marvel (or has the license rights for awhile)I have been having fun pricing super hero gear for the boys' birthdays! Yay! I am also super excited to see what costumes Disney has for super hereos around Halloween-score!

I, of course, will be a princess again, since I am, after all, the princess of all my men.

And now, back to being Iron Man Mom, as I can hear two Iron Man-s (Men?) still running around upstairs with Iron Man Dad and Iron Man Baby just started to cry for food. The secret life of a super hero. Now you know.

Photos of Champ

Hi all! So, today was Champ's due date-that is a little crazy to realize since it already seems like he has been here forever and has gotten so big already since leaving the hospital (he is already at 7lb 10 oz, and had dropped to 6lb 15 oz) Since it has been SO LONG since I put anything on here, I thought I would share some photos!

Here is me on the 23rd, the very last belly shot we got. Champ came 3 days later and you can check out all the adorable photos below. I sorta miss being pregnant; but at the same time, it is very fun to sleep on my stomach again!

So far, Champ is an amazing baby-all calm until time to eat or poop, which is just AWESOME. Last night and the night before he actually when 5 hours at one stretch; a nice break from the around-the-clock 2 hour feedings he was demanding. I'm hoping this nice trend continues; we will find out tonight!

Little Dude and JR are in love with him and very proud to help out; so far we have had quite a nice adjustment to becoming a family of 5-and partly because we have such amazing friends and family that have brought us dinners and helped us out so very much over the last two weeks.

OK, now for cute photos:

Here is Champ on his birthday, 3-26-11. He was born at 5:55am  at 7lbs 9 oz and 21 inches long. (my contractions started at 4am; I am very glad he didn't come in the truck)

Here is Bill and Champ, with Bill being silly and staging his pose to act like Champ's and predict our future for the coming weeks. Even though it is staged, I love this photo :)

Here are our three boys! To get Champ's jaundice numbers down quickly we had to do formula and breastfeeding, so Little Dude and JR got to help feed when they came to see us Sat. night.

Here is one very proud Papa and  his cute namesake, Champ.

So, that is all the news around here-I will work hard to get on here more often now that we are kinda getting a new normal going on around here. Now I need to hurry and clean before Bill gets home so it looks like I did "something" today.

Surely you guys all do that too, right? Right?

My Little Sister is Getting Married

Oh I am so very excited; my little sister, Julie and her long time boyfriend are FINALLY getting married. After dating 7 years and living together for most of that-it was about time! Hearing the news today got me so super excited and I actually wished I lived closer to her. She is still in our hometown, which I left at the first chance because it SNOWS waaaaaayyyyyy too much there for me.


Oh, I want to go look at wedding magazines with her and ooh and ahh over the ring and look at decorations and all that fun stuff. It would even be super fun to DD for her on her bachelorette night, since back when I got married, both my sisters and my sister in law (who were 3 of the 4 bridesmaids) were underage to even go clubbing, let alone drinking, for a night on the town. So I skipped that whole tradition. But it would be SO FUN to do it with my sister now and escort her around everywhere.

And as excited as I am that she and her great boyfriend are making it "official" now, I have to admit I am a little anxious.

I'm a little scared I won't be invited to the wedding.

My parents, I'm sure, won't want me there. It will be going on 2 years since my parents last spoke to me, and even now I'm not quite sure what happen or why they are even so mad at me, except I do know that part of it has to do with a blog post I wrote and the fact that I told them the silly fight they have been having with my Aunt, Uncle and Grandma (my mom's mom) was stupid and retarded.

It's too long of a story to go into, but essentially my mom feels she is owed part of her "inheritance" even though my Grandma is alive and kicking. Somehow Mom is convinced my Aunt has taken everything, when I know for a fact that my Aunt is actually paying out of pocket to cover care costs above and beyond what my Grandma's money,insurance, etc covers.

THAT fight broke out with great timing a few weeks before my wedding, and my parents, at the time, declared they would not come if my Aunt, Uncle and cousins came.

So I un-invited them, much to my dismay, because at the time, it was important to me to have my dad walk me down the isle. That, and my sisters both had no way to get down to where I currently live (and got married) unless my parents drove them. So, that was that, my Aunt and cousins came for a visit, didn't go to my wedding, and were gracious enough to not hold it against me.


The not speaking to me part? I wrote a blog post about how I wouldn't be using spanking-or any form of physical punishment-back before JR was even born-which is almost 3 years ago now-as a main disciplinary tactic when it came to raising my son.

My mom read it almost a year after the fact in my archives, and promptly decided she needed to start emailing my mother in law MULTIPLE times a day to explain her side of the whole stupid fight with her family, abuse she claims she went threw, and then started bringing up things from our family that I had never even discussed with my mother in law in detail, like the hitting, verbal abuse, physical abuse and mental mind games and more that went on -most I had never even mentioned to my mother in law, but then HAD to go into detail about after my mom started sending the emails.

Apparently my little innocent blog post 1 year prior had hit a never with my mom and she felt compelled to defend what she felt was rational discipline for a child like me. Because, you know, apparently spanking your daughter to the point she can't sit down is normal when said daughter is 17 years old.

That was something I had not ever mentioned to anyone before, but mom felt compelled to tell my mother in law about it from her perspective, which just caused me to have to talk about it and other things with my husband's family. That was fun, sigh.

After calling my parents to plead with them to please leave my mother in law alone, and to quit the stupid emails, my dad had the audacity to claim he had never touched me. Seriously, I thought my brain had snapped when he said it, and I hung up on him. I had to then call my sisters to confirm that I wasn't crazy and that things I remembered did actually happen.

My parents and I haven't spoken since, and they actually went through the trouble of changing their phone number, (though I don't know if it was because of me or other reasons, but my sisters have been informed not to give any of their new numbers to me, another sigh).


Today I kick myself for bending to my parent's silly demands at my wedding, especially now that they no longer speak to me and think I'm just the most horrible person on Earth. My mom has even told my sisters that she has no grandchildren, which really upsets me more than the not speaking to me part.

Honestly, my life is in much greater harmony not having to figure them out any more. But I do hate it for my children, and I debate about what I will say when they finally figure out that most people have TWO, if not more, sets of grandparents. Like I said, long story, and I explained more than I meant to.

Anyways, back to my little sister's awesome news!

I'm super thrilled for her, and hope she'll ask me to be a part of the big day, if not just a guest. I'm already giddy thinking about my in law's watching the kids while Bill and I go explore Asheville with my other sister and her boyfriend over the fun wedding weekend.

But, my fear is that my sister will be plunged into a similar choice between having me or our parents at her wedding, and I can honestly say I understand if she chooses having mom and dad there instead.

I'll be super sad, and a little hurt, but I know too just how upsetting, anxiety building and panic creating all the stupid chaos and drama my parents can bring-and I don't want for the world to have any thing happen that would "ruin" my sister's huge day-one that she certainly has been dreaming of for a very long time and deserves to enjoy without any hitches. I don't want to be the reason she is anxious and have her panicking over how my parents will behave if Bill and I are there. For my part, we plan to just ignore them and have fun, which I doubt will be hard, since I'm sure they would just ignore me as well.


But I don't know. So, those are the thoughts swirling in my head right now. I'm excited for Julie, but I am a little nervous to see if she will want me there. I'm hoping so, but I understand if she doesn't.

Our First Rides

I never had a bike growing up, partly because living in the mountains off a steep driveway and even steeper yard didn't really provide a great place to learn, and partly because back then my parents just didn't have the money.

I did finally get one when I went to college, and trust me to say that I thought I would never live down the embarrassment of crashing into a light pole on the corner of Western.

After that, I just got up earlier and walked to class from my apartment.

Anywho. Bill and I were super excited for Christmas this year because THIS year, we were getting JR a little bike, and Little Dude (who already is quite a champ at his bike) wanted a scooter. Since we live in such a wonderful area, there is a fantastic park just down the street from us in our neighborhood, along with 4 or 5 other park choices right within a short drive from the house-so needless to say, there are TONS of places the boys can safely ride their bikes. We are all loving it.

Here is Little Dude getting geared up to take his scooter up to the park for the first time. His first trip was more of a slow walk/push/sorta scoot ride; he has since gotten much better and faster, much to my pregnant dismay, since I now must keep up with him and help keep JR steady on his bike.

Here is JR with all his safety gear on, taking HIS bike for the first time up to the park. He got a hang of the pedals about halfway there, thank goodness. Though we kept a hand on him the whole time, it was tons easier to give him pushes as needed once he wasn't pedaling against us...

We made it to the park! Our Little Dude, growing much too quickly.

Our JR, quickly catching up with his brother and also getting too big too quickly.