Parenting

Hanging with friends at the bluegrass festival 2013

It is funny to realize now, how much time I used to spend blogging, building my SEO and promoting myself as a "mom blogger expert". I got free stuff to review and even got invited to blog conferences, and had a pretty nice traffic flow, all because I told people what my take on parenting was.

And, looking back, I realize how absolutely ridiculous it was, and is, to obsessively hang on every word some "expert" says about parenting.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, we all come from different situations, different kids, different experiences, different battles to face, and different futures. And as I have aged in this whole parenting thing, I have realized that often, those "expert" opinions and "this is the best thing you can do" stances, don't serve much purpose except to put un-needed pressure on new parents, who already feel antiquate and worry about what is best and if they are doing the right stuff.

Here is the truth I have learned. None of us are perfect, none of us will ever be perfect, and the trend now will not be a trend latter. We are going to mess up, and that is OK. It is OK for our kids to see us fail. It is OK to appologize to them when you lose your temper and realize you went overboard with the yelling. It means a lot to them to see you are not perfect, and takes pressure off them to live up to perfect standards that they are going to all too quickly realize they can't achieve.

Just like us. Take the pressure off. Don't worry about cloth vs. disposable. Don't freak out or feel defensive about breast vs. bottle vs formula. Don't go on parenting forums. There are crazy people out there that will make you feel horrible and like a failure because you don't have your little ankle biter all scheduled in the latest Montisouri school that offers Chinese and Spanish, along with Gymnastics and Chess for three year olds.

What works best for you? What makes you enjoy parenthood the most? What makes you feel more calm in your life? Pick that one.

For me, I did cloth diaper, mostly to save money, and used the same 25 diapers on three babies for the past 7 years almost non stop. When we traveled? Disposable it was. Behind on laundry? Disposable it was.

Breast milk? I did, again to save money, and partly because I knew the antibodies were beneficial to immunity. But you know what? We also did formula just so Bill could also enjoy feeding babies. And when I wanted to drink. And I even pumped and put breast milk in bottles for times when I just didn't want to nurse in public, because that made me more calm. Do what works for you.

Vaccines? I'm still hardcore for vaccines, but don't go on forums to make your choice. Don't listen to Jenny McCarthy. Talk to Drs. Read the online medical journals about Autism and vaccines and make your decision. Is Autism worse than your child catching  a preventable disease and maybe dying from it? Again, your choice, but make an educated one, not because some crazy loud moms shouted it in your face and you jumped on the wagon with them.

Discipline?  I love all of Kevin Leman's books and his reality discipline approach. But you know what? My kids are far from perfect, and I'm far from perfect, so you will probably see me with a tantrum throwing two year old as some point in the grocery store and I'll have no idea what to do, even after three babies, a degree in early childhood, and working in daycare, preschool and nanny settings. But you know what we can always do? Just smile at moms going through the same thing, and give a sympathetic head nod to let them know we have all been there, done that and will do it again.

Make the choices that keep you calm and help you enjoy this wonderful gift of parenting, because just like the last tantrum your toddler had, this season shall pass and be just a memory.

Do what you need to to make it an enjoyable memory. And don't stress about the rest of us.

10 Breastfeeding Tips

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed-it seems to be one of the mains questions everyone asks new moms.

For me, it was always to breastfeed, for the following reasons-

1-It is free.Since we were going to be losing my income so I could be at home, it made since to go with the most economical choice.

2-No expiration dates or times, bottles to sanitize or lose the pieces to. Breastfeeding was always there and ready to go.

3-Formula is created to mimic breast milk. Not that formula is bad-I personally feel that whatever makes mom the happiest and keeps baby growing is the perfect choice, no matter what. However, given the option, it seemed to me that instead of paying a butt-load of money for a chemically processed item that is trying to BE breast milk, it made the most sense to simply breastfeed.


But you know what those pregnancy books don't tell you? Breastfeeding is hard. It doesn't "come naturally" and it takes practice for both you AND baby to get it right. And if you have it wrong? Well, it HURTS LIKE HELL.

So, if you happen to be facing the choice of breastfeeding or formula feeding (or maybe even both) here are some of my top tips on breastfeeding:

1-Take advantage of the lactation consultant at the hospital. Even get a nurse to help you. There is nothing wrong with you if it doesn't happen naturally and perfectly the first time-in fact, it probably won't. We don't grow up in a culture where we see women breastfeeding all the time, and often most people experience babies for the first time with their own-so DON'T feel guilty or stressed if it takes some practice to get it right.

2-Buy a NICE breast pump. Preferably one that does both sides at once. It sounds weird, but you will love the time you save. Also, get a lot of nursing shirts and bras-they will make the whole "out and about" nursing 100% better and more discreet for your comfort.

3-Don't be ashamed to nurse in public-buy a cute nursing cover and simply sit on a bench -I have even used dressing rooms before and been quite comfy. I've never once had anyone tell me to not breastfeed, yet at the same time, I doubt many people really knew unless they were also moms. I was that covered up with a simple cover or sling tail.

4-Wherever you do breastfeed, find something fun to do, watch on TV, or a book to read or music to enjoy-the point is, don't hole yourself up in a dark room -make it enjoyable for both you and baby. Nursing is a great time to sit and relax and chill out from the stress of the day-take advantage and make your "time out" as enjoyable as possible.

5-If you are having ANY pain that makes you want to cry, then most likely your latch is wrong. Not only is it hurting you like crazy, but baby also is not getting milk out well-and expending a lot of energy for very little food. Make sure baby gets ALL of your nipple in his/her mouth. The best way? Rub baby's lips with your nipple to stimulate him/her to open wide-then when the little mouth is open wide move your ENTIRE nipple into his/her mouth. His mouth should actually cover most of the areaola.

6-Got a sleepy baby who won't eat? Rub the baby's hands. For some reason that stimulates sucking. That works for bottle feeding, too and we would do it for some of the kids in the day care I worked at when they just couldn't stay away enough to eat.

7-Get LOTS of nipple cream. Lanolin is great and safe for baby to eat, so no worries about needing to rub it off. I used it before and after nursing. It will take awhile for your nipples to get used to being stretched and sucked by the baby-so you will have a little bit of pain, but nothing that should make you want to scream or cry-that is the sign of a bad latch or infection. Also, if you get cracked nipples, use lots of cream and soothing gel pads until they heal.

8-There are TONS of breast pads, soothing pads, and gel pads to help with the swelling and leaking that can occur from time to time. I would recommend always having some in your diaper bag, they are life savers. I also always wore more formed lined or padded nursing bras out and about so no one could tell if I had pads in them. Lots of the pads are really smooth and thin now, too. I got most of my great nursing gear from Motherhood Maternity, Target, and Mom 4 Life.

9-Try your hardest to not skip a feeding and get engorged with milk-this can lead to mastitis, an infection that hurts like crazy. I got one with my second son and it was not fun. So, if you ever get a high temp and your breasts are super tender, call your Dr. right away.

10-Don't OVER pump to get your milk flowing. If you are trying to stimulate milk, pump a little after each feeding, but as soon as milk starts to come, STOP. Let your baby's natural eating amount dictate the amount of milk made in the very beginning-at least until you get your feeding down comfortably. I thought I was being slick by pumping TONS of milk after each feeding in the beginning-so I could save it in a freezer-however; that just led to HUGE engorgement, pain, and a ridiculous amount of leaking-the engorgement also led to my mastitis mentioned above. Unless you are just not making any milk, or really have to pump, my advice would be to not pump at all in the first week or two after your milk comes in so, your body, you and baby can get everything under control.

If you have other questions, you can always talk to a La Leche League group, though keep in mind they are usually very anti-formula, so don't be intimidated if they come across strongly, they are experts in the nursing field and a great resource. Also go by your hosptial and make appointments to see the Lactation consultant whenever you need extra help or even talk to other moms you meet out and about for more tips or advice on specific problems or questions you have. If you are wondering about anything, feel free to ask me, if I have any advice I am happy to share!

Happy Breastfeeding!

Breastfeeding the Babies

I'm big on breastfeeding, simply because it is free and because it is what nature created just for your baby. So in my book, it makes it the perfect choice for me.

This is me, breastfeeding for the very first time with our oldest, Little Dude.

But I admit, both of my kids did get the occasional bottle of formula when I didn't have enough pumped for bottles. But that was pretty rare, and I liked it that way. I highly recommend the Medela Pump in Style Breast Pump. It is just amazing, awesome and worth every penny. This is the kind I have, only it is the 2006 model and works SO wonderfully. I was blessed to be given mine from one of the moms at the day care I taught at, but if it ever breaks and I need another, I will be buying the same kind again. I loved pumping because then Bill got to participate and have the same bonding and cuddling time while the kids still got the great milk. Both of our kids had breast and bottle from the very beginning, and we never had any nipple confusion with either one. This is Bill getting to "breastfeed" JR from a pumped bottle

Another reason I loved breastfeeding? The fun moments that it brought. Breastfeeding MAKES you take a moment to sit down, relax, and just enjoy your baby cuddling with you. I loved it. I nursed Little Dude for a year, and quit when I got pregnant with JR (though you don't have to quit, but it was time for us) and I nursed JR up until a few weeks ago. I actually would have really loved to nurse him longer, (and I admit I sometimes miss it) but his biting got out of control.

Yes, that is a fact of breastfeeding; all of you thinking about it might want to just keep in the back of your head-when the teeth come, a bite might occur...

Anyways, even with me yelling and popping his head when he'd chomp down on me, I couldn't get him to quit, and after a really bad bite, I got scared of even trying to nurse. So I stopped, and JR hasn't seemed to notice or care. He still comes crawling over, demanding his cuddle time, but now we just cuddle without nursing, and we are both fine with that.

This week is World Breastfeeding Week, and you can find all kinds of great information about how breastfeeding can protect your children with strong immune systems not only while they are little, but later in life as well, at World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action.

But you know what? Breastfeeding is a very personal choice, and though for me it was worth the pain and effort to get it going smoothly (it will be a few weeks before it starts working really well for you new moms), don't feel badly if you chose to formula feed. What is important is that your baby gets the love, support, and nutrition he/she needs.

We are lucky here in the US to have such great formula choices and regulations so that all our children are able to get what they need and grow into strong, healthy adults. Not all countries are as lucky, and many infants and toddlers die simply from lack of food, so donated breast milk can make a huge difference in saving those children. You can find out how to donate here.

It's kinda fun to realize that to a baby in another country, you can be Superwoman.