Our homestudy isn't done yet ONLY because of references waiting to come in. We need my boss, my husband's boss, and one more friend. I've sent my boss THREE forms for the reference. I am pretty sure all they have to do is say I'm a real person working there and don't seem crazy. And the office is across the street from our social worker's office, so the very fact that I'm waiting on them, along with other people is killing me.
That is holding us back from having our homestudy ready to apply for the two big grants.
And Bill doesn't even want to talk about some of the smaller grant applications until our homestudy is done, reviewed and approved.
I want to start filling out grant applications now.
But, I can't if Bill isn't on board to move forward.
He doesn't seem to care about it going slow. And honestly, it just pisses me off.
I am so mad right now.
We are missing two big grant deadlines, and won't have the chance to apply again for them until Christmas time.
Which means we won't get any funds, if we get any, until spring.
Which means, that we won't send in our dossier, or even order the id forms we need for our dossier, until those funds come in.
Because Bill wants to go slow and do one step at a time.
Which means, we don't have even a small hope of getting our little girl here before her third birthday.
And he is mad I want to go fast.
We haven't done a real vacation since our honeymoon. And this year our vacation is getting sucked up by a socially awkward family wedding in the middle of a week in the middle of the school year and I'm annoyed about that too. Because between the tension of the at odds family members and doing school work with Little Dude that he is missing, and the money we had to pay to pitch in for the beach house a gazillion drunks will be staying at, it just isn't going to be a relaxing, fun time.
I'm just overall annoyed and pissed off with everything.
And today I forgot soccer practice, so when Bill got home, he ACTUALLY asked me what I did today as he raced the boys out to practice 15 minutes late. HE ACTUALLY ASKED ME THAT.
I don't watch another child all day and keep safe.
I don't have 3 kids anyways to watch
I don't work from home and spend more time than I want stuck to a computer screen
I don't have school stuff to sort out this week
I don't have dinner to make
I don't have laundry to do
I don't have EVERY LITTLE BIT of paper work/applications/grants/information for this adoption to do all by myself, because he doesn't want to stress about it.
I just eat bon bons. ALL DAY.
Did I mention I'm annoyed?
I'M ANNOYED.
